Wish Upon A Star
by Hank's Lady
Summary: Shy, introverted Edward makes a wish that he will find love, not really believing it will happen - until he meets Jasper. Could love have found him in the unlikeliest place after all? All human story.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:- All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I am just borrowing them for the duration as always.**

**This one is all human and will be written mostly from Edward's POV, with a little from Jasper's where appropriate. Rated 'M' for adult scenes as usual and it's SLASH as noted in the summary.**

CHAPTER ONE

**Edward's POV**

I peered out of my bedroom window for the tenth time that evening, glimpsing the sleek silver Volvo which had been my main birthday gift from my parents. I had driven a used VW Bug since I got my licence, but Mom and Dad had been hinting for a while that the landmark of eighteen required a new car - new out of the showroom, not just new to me. They had chosen something solid, practical, almost impenetrable in the event of an accident, but also with an element of fun to it. I didn't tell them I'd already been practising 'J' turns on an old disused section of road parellel to the highway, when I went for my first drive in it that morning. Driving was the one thing that I had a real passion for - that and playing the piano. I did both well and with enthusiasm, which didn't really reflect in the rest of my life.

I sighed heavily and pushed my wire-rimmed glasses up my nose, then changed my mind and took them off before logging out of my MSN account. My best friend - my only friend - wasn't online and I knew he had been planning to go out that night with friends. Ben lived in New York and I'd stumbled upon him on a gay chat site a few months before; actually he had stumbled upon me. I had been a lurker, too shy to introduce myself directly to anyone and he had clicked on my name in the chat room one day and said 'hey'. Somehow we had managed to have a conversation, him typing paragraphs of chatter while I responded with brief phrases, not knowing what to say initially. Eventually he had become my confidante, the person I talked to almost every day, the one person in the world who knew I liked boys too.

Ben had tried to encourage me to talk to my parents about my preferences, but so far I had avoided the issue, even though from the way they treated me and their attitude to the world in general, I was at least reasonably sure they wouldn't have had a problem with the fact that I was never going to give them grandchildren. I just couldn't bring myself to say those words out loud; 'I'm gay'.

Ben was a few months younger than me and already had a boyfriend, one whom he raved about frequently and had admitted to having begun sleeping with. On this point, I was envious - not for the sex, but just to have somebody to spend time with; somebody who cared about me. I was terrible at making friends or getting to know anybody and always had been. I was a loner as a child, despite my parents' attempts to make me interact with other children by inviting them to parties at our house and taking me to visit theirs. I had always preferred to entertain myself rather than join in and things hadn't changed over the years. Hence my internet friend was the only person I really talked to. He couldn't see me and therefore I didn't have to feel awkward and stupid with him; I wouldn't blurt anything out that would embarrass me because I could think about it properly and edit it before I clicked 'send'.

I knew Mom and Dad worried about me being alone all the time and they had gone as far as to invite a colleague of Dad's and his family over to the house on a few occasions, hoping that I might become friendly with their seventeen-year-old daughter, Alice, but it had never happened. She was bright, bubbly, constantly chattering and laughing and said exactly what she thought, which was about as far from my own personality as one could get. Luckily she lost interest after a couple of visits and when her parents came over after that, she hadn't accompanied them.

I pushed away from my desk and headed downstairs, grabbing a light jacket from one of the hooks behind the rear door and pushing my feet into hiking boots.

"Edward, where are you going?" Mom called from the kitchen.

"Just for a walk."

"Don't be too long, honey, dinner will be on the table in about thirty minutes."

"Ok!" I called back and let myself out. I knew she and Dad would have preferred to throw a party for me, but I had begged them not to, the thought of a bunch of kids from school that I barely knew descending on me appealing even less than another visit from Alice Brandon. Instead Mom had agreed to cook me one of my favourite meals and I would eat with my parents. It was unusually late for dinner, almost nine o'clock already, but Dad had been at the hospital all day and I'd wanted to wait for him.

I walked away from the house along a path I had followed many times. It led to a clearing close to the river and a fallen tree to one side afforded a decent seat. I sat on it now and folded my arms, staring around me at the shadows creeping closer with the onset of dusk, the half-moon shining out of an unusually cloudless sky. I tilted my head back and looked up at the myriad stars pricking the darkening canopy and sat that way until my neck began to ache. Space fascinated me and I had a stack of books on the universe and all of those stars so far away.

Just as I lowered my head, rubbing the back of my neck, a shooting star appeared for two or three brief seconds before the small glow vanished. It was rare to see them here, only a tiny portion of sky visible from the clearing and more often than not, cloud cover blocking the view. It was just a small meteor, burning up as it passed into Earth's atmosphere, but I suppose there was a little bit of a romantic in me that said if I wished on it, I would get what I wanted some day; or maybe it was just the habit of doing something that I'd done since I was a child.

"I wish...I would find a boy to love me," I whispered into the darkness.

The moment was gone almost immediately. I got to my feet and tugged a hand through my uncontrollable mop of bronze hair, then shook my head and shoved my hands into my pockets.

"Jerk," I muttered. I knew it was just a fairy story and besides - how would I ever find anybody to love me when I spent my life in my room avoiding people? Even if I did make an effort to go out, who was going to want me? I was so pale I'd been called a vampire by some of the kids in highschool and I looked like a mad scientist with my hair sticking out as if I'd been electrocuted and my wire-framed glasses. I only needed them for reading and driving, but I wore them all the time when I wasn't home, as if they were a shield I could hide behind; a shield that disguised the one thing I did like about myself - my eyes which varied between dark moss green and emerald, depending on my mood.

I headed slowly back to the house and joined my parents for dinner, after which I was given the remainder of my birthday gifts. I'd received the car that morning, as there was no way of hiding it when it arrived on the back of a trailer right beneath my window. The other items comprised piano music, some CDs, a new book on the solar system, clothes and lastly, a vacation starting in just five days' time. My mouth fell open as I looked at the documentation and then my parents' eager faces. They had planned a trip for the three of us which rendered me speechless.

The vacation was for three weeks on a horse ranch halfway between two towns so small they barely showed up on the map, around one hundred and fifty miles from Dallas, Texas. My parents were both keen horse-riders and Mom had owned horses up until I was conceived, when lack of time no longer allowed her to enjoy them as much as she would have liked. I had ridden a couple of times as a kid, on a horse belonging to one of Dad's friends whom we had visited, and I had been terrified when I looked down at the ground from my position in the saddle. I may as well have been sitting on the house roof. Now they had arranged to take me to a place called the Whitlock Stone Ranch in the middle of nowhere, to ride horses in blistering heat amongst a bunch of cowboys whom I would have nothing in common with, a prospect which horrified me. I actually couldn't think of a worse way to spend three weeks of my life, but Mom and Dad looked so excited about it that I fixed a smile to my face as I looked up, hating to hurt their feelings. At that moment I wondered if they really knew me at all.

"Wow...it looks...awesome," I said, feining enthusiasm.

"I know it's not your usual thing, Edward, but you were just a child last time you rode," Mom said. "We thought it would be good for you to get some fresh air and sun and have some fun in the outdoors. You can learn to ride properly and there are bound to be other young people there too..."

"You know how we worry about you, spending all your time on the computer," added Dad. "You'll be going to college in just a few months; it's better that you get more used to being around other people before then."

"Yes, I suppose that makes sense," I nodded. Mom gave me the folder of literature to read in my room after dinner and the more I read, the less I liked the idea. The ranch was quite literally isolated from civilisation, the nearest towns of Dublin and Comanche being miles away and the closest neighbour was a similar ranch six miles distant, not that I would have taken advantage of the fact if there had been a nearby town.

Our vacation destination was owned by Mick and Marcie Whitlock, who employed a number of 'ranch hands' to care for the horses and supervise the more experienced riders or teach those who weren't comfortable in the saddle. I would be one of those and I just knew that whichever poor cowboy I ended up with, would be sick of me by the end of day one. In addition, everyone taking a vacation on the ranch would eat their meals in the main ranch house with the family and each Friday a large barn became an entertainment venue with music and dancing. I shuddered at the thought of myself sitting in a corner trying to be inconspicuous, while Mom and Dad would no doubt be prancing around in jeans and plaid shirts, easily fitting in as they did everywhere.

It was the next evening before I got to talk to Ben and the first ten minutes of the conversation were about his night out with his boyfriend and two girls they were friends with. They had gone to the movies, gotten pizza and then Ben went back to Eric's place and had sex. I sighed as I typed out a response, remembering my birthday wish and knowing I wouldn't be catching up with Ben any time soon.

'So what did you do for your birthday?' he typed next.

'Nothing much.'

'It was your eighteenth!' He added a dozen exclamation marks to this statement and I pushed my glasses up my nose and chewed my lip. I could have lied and said I'd had a party, but I didn't like making things up, even to someone who was unlikely to ever meet me.

'I had dinner with my parents. Got some great gifts - new car!' I boasted. At least this was one thing that he was envious of. He and his parents and sister lived in an apartment, travelled to work and school on the subway and had no place to keep a car so he hadn't even learned to drive yet.

'You already have a car!'

'This one's brand new; spent yesterday morning burning rubber,' I typed.

'Awesome! You know I'm green right now. Did you get anything else? Socks? Underwear? Horrible handmade sweater?'

'Jerk. Music and stuff. And a vacation.'

'Hope it's somewhere good. Dad's hours were cut at work so we're not getting one this year.'

'Horse ranch in Texas,' I responded and added a smiley with a sad face.

'Why the hell would they take you to a horse ranch? You don't ride,' Ben stated.

'I know that; you know that. Mom and Dad want me to get in the fresh air and meet people.'

'I'm not so sure taking you to meet a bunch of rednecks is such a hot idea. They're still pretty anti-gay out there in the wilds.'

'I'm hardly likely to show up in a rainbow shirt and announce it at dinner,' I retorted.

'Damn, Edward, you need to tell your folks and try making some friends in your town. If your Dad knew he'd probably invite Alice's brother for dinner.'

'She doesn't have one.'

'I know that, you take everything too literally. Who knows? Maybe there'll be a hot gay cowboy just waiting to sweep you off your feet onto his horse and ravish you in the hay loft. That'll be a riding lesson you'll never forget.' He added an emoticon rolling on its side laughing and I rolled my eyes in response, my cheeks burning.

'Sure, Ben, the only riding I'll be doing is on the oldest, slowest horse they have.'

The conversation continued for a while and I did my best not to keep on bemoaning the prospect of the vacation. I was certain he must get tired of my introverted nature and he did finish by telling me I ought to embrace the trip and try to get as much out of it as I could, rather than tell myself I was going to hate it before I even got there. I supposed he was right, but I wasn't convinced that I would surprise myself by enjoying it.

The next few days passed much too quickly for my liking and suddenly I was checking over my suitcase and hand luggage one last time to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important, like my iPad. At least I could still talk to Ben while I was in Texas, unless of course the ranch was isolated from Wi-Fi as well as everything else, which could quite possibly be the case.

"Do they have Wi-Fi?" I asked Mom as she appeared in my doorway.

"Now, Edward, you're not taking that with you, are you?" she protested. "You won't have time to be on the internet."

"I want to load my photos onto it," I said.

"Alright, but I don't want you letting it monopolise the vacation."

"I won't," I said in relief, packing both iPad and iPhone. At least I would be able to use them on the long journey, if nothing else.

We set off at dawn the next morning, Dad driving to Sea-Tac where we left the car in a long-term parking lot. Our flight was at ten, landing in Dallas at just after three o'clock local time. Mom and I collected the baggage while Dad went ahead to rent a car and waited for us outside the terminal. As soon as we stepped through the doors into the open, I was hit by a blast of hot air that felt as if I'd walked in front of a stove. I took a breath that turned my mouth dry and the atmosphere felt dense and stuffy. Immediately I began to sweat, the t-shirt I wore beneath my open shirt becoming damp. I removed my glasses and wiped my face with my sleeve, wondering how on earth I would survive three weeks in this heat.

We walked away from the shade of the building and at once felt the full force of the sun. I knew I would burn within minutes and I tucked my head down as I helped Dad stow the cases in the trunk of the car, then dived into the back seat. Mercifully the car had aircon and I heaved a sigh of relief as we pulled away, Mom in the passenger seat poring over the map that had been provided by the rental office.

"You know, I can't see Dublin on here, honey," she was saying and I groaned inwardly.

"Just get me on Route 377," Dad answered. "That'll take us to a town called Stephenville and then we switch, but it should be signed from there."

I gazed about me as we negotiated a series of intersections, overpasses and stretches of four-lane highways and then eventually we were leaving the suburbs of Dallas and Fort Worth behind and heading out into no mans land. The further we travelled, the less green I saw, the intense heat maintaining a brown, dusty scrub-land in all directions.

"Ninety-seven degrees out there," commented Dad cheerfully, glancing at one of the displays on the dash in front of him. "Hope you packed plenty of sun cream, Esme!"

"Several bottles. You better keep your arms covered and wear a hat, Edward."

"Mmm." As much as I had tried to tell myself to make the most of the trip, now I could only imagine myself hiding in my room out of necessity, suffering from a nasty case of sunburn. I took out my iPad and opened up a book I had downloaded, deciding to read for a while to pass the time.

Eventually we passed through the small town of Stephenville and picked up another highway that took us to Dublin. The journey seemed endless, the scenery never changing except for the occasional appearance of a few trees and buildings in the distance, which Mom noted from the map were other ranches.

"The ranches are on the map, but Dublin's too small to be shown?" I queried.

"No, it's here, Edward, I just couldn't find it earlier. We're almost there," Mom said.

"Almost at the ranch?"

"No, almost at Dublin. Then it's about...twenty miles or so."

I put the iPad away and sat back in my seat again with a sigh. My legs were stiff with sitting still for so long and between us, we had gotten through all of the snacks and bottles of water we had brought. I was hungry, thirsty, tired and slightly alarmed about the prospect of being thrust upon a crowd of strangers immediately after arriving. Mom had been advised by the ranch owners that our arrival time would fit in nicely with supper being served for all of the guests in the main house.

The ranch finally came into sight just after six o'clock. We had turned off the highway and travelled perhaps a mile along a dirt track, passing through one of those gateways you see in movies, with a sign suspended across the top announcing the 'Whitlock Stone Ranch'. Ahead were a cluster of buildings of different shapes and sizes - a large single storey house, several barns and small log cabins, all surrounded by paddocks in which a good number of horses could be seen. Dad drove right up into the yard and parked beside a rusty old truck, telling Mom and me to wait in the car while he announced our arrival and found out where our accommodation was.

I stared out of the windows, noticing a couple of young guys working, transporting wheel barrows of dirty straw out of one of the barns. The pair were clad in jeans, shirts and cowboy hats, just like I imagined and a moment later, four riders entered the yard from another direction, jumping down from their saddles, one of the four taking charge of all the horses while the other three headed off towards the log cabins.

Dad returned and slid back into the driver's seat, backed the car up and drove around to the other side of the house where a dozen vehicles sat in a row. He positioned our car at the end of the line and cut the engine again.

"Right, here we are. Let's go in and introduce ourselves properly, then we should have time to freshen up and start unpacking before dinner."

I climbed out of the car and was immediately hit by the heat again, although I was relieved that I could feel a breeze and the air seemed less thick than it had in the city. I followed Mom and Dad around to the front of the house again and up onto the porch, where we were met by a woman who looked maybe ten years older than Mom. She introduced herself as Marcie Whitlock and invited us inside, declining to shake hands as she wiped hers on the legs of her jeans.

"In the middle of making supper," she said. "So you're Carlisle, Esme and Edward? Is that right?"

"Yes, it's nice to meet you," Mom replied.

"Mick will be here in a second to show you where your cabin is. We'll be eating in less than an hour, so you'll have time to wash up if you want to, after so long travelling."

Dad began telling her about our journey while I looked about me, noting an enormous kitchen through an open doorway, a long wooden table surrounded by many chairs at one end of the room. The delicious smell of some kind of meat cooking reached my nostrils, reminding me that I was starving and I realised hunger was going to outweigh my shyness of being forced to sit amidst a crowd of people I'd never met.

"Here they are!" Marcie looked past us as the door opened again and we moved aside as two men entered, the larger, heavier one removing his hat and offering his hand to Dad to shake.

"Mick Whitlock...welcome."

"Thank you; I'm Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife, Esme, and our son, Edward."

"Jasper, c'mere." Mick waved a hand and the younger man stepped forward. My eyes were on the floor as usual and I didn't see anything except for his feet at first. "This is my boy, Jasper; he's eighteen," Mick continued.

"Good to meet y'all." His drawl was pleasant with a deep tone to it, I noticed.

"Hello, Jasper," Mom said and then nudged me with her elbow. I raised my eyes slowly, from the scuffed brown cowboy boots I had been staring at, to tight faded jeans, a grey t-shirt with some kind of design on the front that had virtually disappeared with repeated washings and tanned, well-toned arms.

"Hey," he said as my gaze finally reached the bottom half of his face which sported a broad grin and even white teeth, his chin and jaw dusted with dark stubble. Finally I met his eyes; grey-green framed by long lashes. His hair was dark brown, collar length, bangs falling untidily over his forehead, mussed from the hastily removed Stetson he held in his hand. He was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

******Edward's POV**

"Hello," I whispered, my throat dry and closed up with my usual attack of shyness.

"So you're...Edward?"

I nodded and lowered my eyes again quickly, feeling my cheeks warming and wishing as I always did that I wouldn't blush like a girl. Even the faintest touch of colour showed up vividly on my pale skin.

"You might as well show Edward around, Jasper. Your Dad will direct Dr and Mrs Cullen to their cabin," Mrs Whitlock said.

I froze, my heart racing as Mom and Dad nodded and smiled at me and then walked away and left me there, in the company of this gorgeous boy who probably thought I was completely dumb.

"Come on, then," he urged, returning his hat to his head and jamming it down hard, shading his eyes. "You know, you don't look like much of a rider."

"No." I followed him uncomfortably as we headed out of the large house and across the yard towards one of the barns.

"Parents' idea?" Jasper asked.

"Yes."

"Aww, we'll have you riding in no time. My folks thought you'd probably want to learn slow while yours go out on some of the longer, faster rides. I've taught a few kids to ride the last year or two. Got a nice little mare that'll do for you; you could shoot a gun next to her and she wouldn't do more than twitch an ear."

"You have a gun?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Sure, we all have shotguns. Dad and me shoot game for supper sometimes and rattlers if we come across them. They're good to have around if you get trouble too, not that we've ever had any around here."

He talked easily with a soft, but deep voice, the southern drawl making him pleasant to listen to. I wished he would go on talking, but I couldn't think of a single thing to say in reply to encourage him to keep going. What would Ben have said to me? Ask a question.

"How many horses do you have?" I blurted.

"Twenty-six that we use for the business, plus Marcie's, mine and Dad has two. This is my mare." He indicated one of the many stalls partitioned off inside the barn, in which a beautiful pale gold horse with a white mane and tail stood. "Name's Sandy; not particularly original, but I had her from a foal when I was eight years old and I was the one to name her. It was either Sandy or Princess Leah; bit pretentious for this part of the world," he chuckled.

"You like Star Wars?" I asked in surprise.

"Hello! Han Solo was my hero." Jasper turned away from me and grabbed a handful of oats from a large steel bin nearby. "Here, Sandy, c'mon, girl."

The horse moved forwards and nibbled the oats delicately from Jasper's hand while he reached up and caressed one of her ears.

"She's my baby, aren't you, Sandy? My beautiful girl."

"She's lovely," I agreed.

The horse snorted loudly and pushed her velvety muzzle against Jasper's face, knocking his hat from his head and making him laugh. I studied him silently, my heart still racing, wondering if I might actually get along with him. As long as I kept my mouth shut about the fact that I liked boys and tried not to look at him too much; I doubted that would go down well.

Jasper snatched his hat up and dusted it off before replacing it on his head. "Have to get you one of these; you'll burn easy in the middle of the day, especially with your pale skin. Have you ever seen the sun?"

I felt my face flush and turned away from him. "We don't get much sun in Washington; it rains all the time."

"Fuck that, I like the sun. Sorry; Marcie hates me cussing."

"That's ok." I was curious as to why he called his mother by her Christian name, but didn't want to pry into his business.

"This one would be good for you to start with." Jasper indicated another horse of similar size to Sandy, the majority of its body white with a number of brown patches. "She's a paint. Some folks call it skewbald. Name's Harriet; that's Marcie's doing, it probably would have been Patch if it were left to me."

I laughed suddenly and the sound of it seemed alien to my ears. I couldn't remember the last time I actually laughed out loud and it was a nice feeling.

"You can touch her, she won't bite," Jasper grinned, reaching into the stall and catching hold of the horse's halter. She stood there, unmoving, slowly chewing a mouthful of hay. I gingerly raised one hand and stroked her nose for a moment, wondering if I might like riding now I was older. I would certainly like spending time in Jasper's company, if I could only keep a conversation going and this realisation surprised me. I almost couldn't wait to tell Ben.

"Do you have Wi-Fi?" I asked.

"Out here?" His tone indicated I might as well have enquired as to whether they had a direct line to the moon.

"Um...well..." My face warmed yet again.

"We have cable. I have a computer you can use some time if you want, otherwise it's a trip into Dublin."

"Oh, no, that's ok, I just wondered." I supposed I could send Ben a few messages via my iPhone, assuming it could get a signal.

"We better get over to the house; supper'll be ready before too much longer and I need to wash up. I'll show you where your cabin is."

"Thanks."

Jasper strode out of the barn and I hurried to keep up. He was around the same height and similar build as me, although his arms were much more toned and his shoulders and chest looked more muscular. I really needed to make some effort to improve things. I had always been slim, but so was he and he looked a lot better than I did.

"There you go." Jasper halted suddenly and pointed to a large cabin a few yards away, in an area where perhaps ten similar structures had been built. "Number six. See ya later!"

He was gone before I could reply and I walked over to the cabin. The door was partly open and I could hear Mom inside, giving Dad instructions on where to put what. I climbed up the steps and went in, finding my case and hand luggage in the doorway of one of the two bedrooms.

"Edward! So, what do you think?" Mom asked brightly. "Do you think you'll get along with Jasper?"

"I think so. Are you and Dad going to go off on rides while I learn?"

"Well, we don't have to do that, honey; I can stay back with you if you'd rather."

"Wouldn't you be bored?" I asked.

"Of course not; I'd be happy seeing you enjoy yourself."

"Well, I'm sure I'll be fine," I said. "Jasper said he'll teach me."

I didn't miss the way Mom and Dad exchanged glances and smirked at each other and I remembered Ben's words to me when I told him about this trip.

'Make the most of it; who knows, you might actually get something out of it. Why write it off before you even get there?'

Maybe I would enjoy the next three weeks after all and I certainly intended to try. I just hoped Jasper wouldn't get bored of me too quickly. I was fairly certain I wouldn't have much to say, as well as our first meeting had gone and I imagined he would become frustrated with my poor horsemanship, but I could always hope.

I took my luggage into my room and placed the case on the bunk bed, opening it up to find a clean shirt and my toiletries. I had time for a quick freshen up before supper and I headed into the bathroom, washed my hands, face and armpits and put the clean shirt on, considering leaving my glasses behind but then replacing them on my face after all. I spent a few minutes damping my hair down and trying to flatten it without much success, then returned to my room and unpacked the rest of my things quickly, placing them in the drawers and the small closet provided.

We made our way back to the main house then and Marcie indicated we should take three of the four empty seats at the long table. The others were now filled by a variety of guests, with Mick sitting at one end. Dad took the seat beside a man who looked of similar age to him, Mom in the middle and me next to the empty place. On the other side of it, a blonde girl with her hair arranged in a fancy kind of braid glanced at me and smiled. The centre of the table was already laden with two large pots of some kind of stew, bowls of mashed potatoes, peas and carrots and plates of fresh baked bread. My mouth watered and I stared longingly at the pot of stew in front of me. Dad was already chatting to the man beside him and most of the others sitting around the table were engaged in conversations of their own. Opposite me sat two girls who looked like sisters, one perhaps my own age and the other a few years younger; next to them were two boys of maybe fifteen or sixteen with an older man with similar looks, probably their father. Several others of varying ages filled the remaining seats.

"Sorry I'm late, Ma." Jasper appeared suddenly, wearing a clean blue shirt, his hair combed neatly, and slid into the vacant place beside me. "Hey, Edward."

"Hey." I looked down at the empty plate in front of me, my pulse quickening as Marcie sat down at the other end of the table and everyone fell silent. I wondered whether I should just begin helping myself to the food or wait for someone to serve me, but as I looked around I noticed each person with their head bowed and eyes closed, just as Mick began to say grace. I froze and closed my eyes, but in just a few seconds he was done, announcing that we should all help ourselves.

"What type of meat is this? It smells delicious," Mom asked, ladling some of the stew onto Dad's plate.

"It's rabbit," Marcie answered.

A large portion appeared on my own plate before Mom served herself and then I heard Jasper speaking to me and looked up quickly.

"You want potatoes?"

"Yes, please."

A huge scoop of mashed potatoes landed on my plate and then he was loading his own plate with stew and vegetables, dumping the lot into a pile on top of the mash and then beginning to eat with only a fork. I scooped up some peas and then Jasper stopped eating and turned his attention to me once again.

"I ought to introduce you to a few people. Beth..." He leaned back in his seat and the blonde girl with the braid peered past him at me. "This is Edward."

"Hey, Edward." She gave me another warmer smile and returned to her food. The two girls opposite were then introduced as Cassie and Frankie and although Cassie, the elder one, smiled and said hello, her eyes were fixed on Jasper and it was fairly clear that she liked him. I continued murmuring greetings to the young guys I was introduced to, doing my best to remember their names although the distraction of Jasper sitting next to me made this pretty difficult.

After the plates were cleared away, large portions of cherry pie and cream were served up and by the time we left the table and I returned to the cabin with my parents, I was almost too full to move. I spent a little time organising the rest of my things and then took a shower, deciding to get an early night. After the endless journey I was exhausted and Mom and Dad intended to do the same thing.

The cabin was air-conditioned, my bunk firm but comfortable and I slept, unmoving, for almost nine hours before Dad woke me up, announcing that breakfast would be served in less than an hour. The meal was similar to the one the previous evening - everyone crowded around the table tucking into sausage, bacon, eggs, hash browns and biscuits and gravy. Several guys of varying ages were hanging around outside the building and Mick advised Dad they were the ranchers who would accompany the vacationing riders. Mom and Dad were to ride with another couple of around their age who had arrived three days before.

"You're with me," Jasper reminded me, shooting me a grin and I smiled shyly back, wondering what on earth I was going to find to talk to him about for however long I would be in his company. His chatter had put me at ease a little the previous evening, but now I was worried about looking like a fool in front of him and worse, worried about actually getting on a horse after my brief experiences years before had left me scared.

After breakfast most people returned to their respective accommodations to grab hats, sun cream, quickly make use of the bathroom and so on. I reluctantly applied sun cream to my face and rolled down the long sleeves of my shirt before heading back outside to find a group of ready saddled horses in the yard awaiting their riders. Mom and Dad left me moments later and I hovered, watching, as they mounted up and gave me a wave before heading out with the other couple and one of the ranchers. For a moment I was filled with alarm, wishing I had accepted Mom's offer to ride with me, but I squashed the feeling down determinedly. I was never going to get to know anybody if I clung to my parents like a baby and with college looming only three months away, I needed to make an effort.

"Over here, Edward!" Jasper's voice came to me from the barn and I went to join him quickly. He was wearing his hat and holding a second tan-coloured one in his hand. "Here, this is for you," he said, passing it to me.

"Oh, you don't have to..."

"We lend hats to everybody that doesn't have them, or they'd all be burnt to a crisp after one day. This is one of mine though, it should fit you ok."

"Thanks." I stuck the hat on my head and pulled it down firmly the way I'd seen him do.

"I figured you might want to learn some other stuff first, rather than just get straight in the saddle. So we're gonna give Harriet a brush down and then saddle her up, ok?"

"Ok." I watched a touch anxiously as he unbolted the patched horse's stall door and stepped inside. Harriet snickered softly and twitched an ear, but otherwise didn't move. Jasper handed me one of two brushes which I hadn't noticed him pick up and began to demonstrate how to brush the horse's coat, before moving around the other side and leaving me to continue.

"So, other than being wet, what's Washington like?" Jasper asked.

"It's ok, I guess. We live in the forest."

"Like wild animals?" he teased and again I found myself laughing. "Marcie said this is like a birthday vacation or something?" he went on.

"Yes, I was eighteen last week."

"Happy birthday for last week. Mine was March. Sadly I didn't get a vacation or even a party - just a new saddle for Sandy."

I refrained from telling him I'd also been given a car and instead concentrated on grooming Harriet until he asked me another question, apparently doing his best to get me to talk, which unusually for me was working, even though my answers were little more than monosyllabic at first.

"Are you going to college?"

"Yes, to Seattle."

"What's your major?"

"History."

"Minor?"

"Music."

"What do you play?"

"Piano; I started having lessons when I was about six years old," I elaborated.

"I play too, and guitar," Jasper grinned.

"Cool. Are you going to college?" I asked.

"Yeah." His grin disappeared and he grimaced briefly. "First one in our family to do it. Don't get me wrong, I wanna go; anything to get away from here for a few years. Coming back's gonna kind of ruin it."

"Don't you like living here?" I queried.

"It has its moments." He met my eyes suddenly over Harriet's back and smiled again. "I'm majoring in business; my Dad intends for me to run this place when I come back. If I had my choice I'd study music and live someplace else."

"Why do you want to leave so badly?"

"Maybe I'll tell you another time." He appeared on my side of the horse suddenly and took the brush out of my hand. "That's enough. Let's get her saddled up."

I did my best to follow Jasper's demonstration, although I was sure I would mess it up when he removed the saddle again and hooked it back on the stall door, suggesting I give it a try. I picked up the small square rug first, placing it over Harriet's back and tugging it an inch or two towards her tail to make sure her coat lay flat beneath it, then hoisted the saddle up by the horn and swung it into place. By the time I'd secured the straps to hold it on, Jasper was nodding his approval although he took over to tighten up the___cinch__, _pointing out that when I put my weight in the stirrup, the whole lot would come crashing down and dump me on my ass if it was even a fraction loose. Jasper then removed Harriet's halter and replaced it with a bridle and reins before leading her out of the stall.

"Ready to go for a ride?"

"I guess," I said doubtfully.

"What happened last time?"

"I was about this big..." I gestured a height level with my waist. "...and the horse was up there." I pointed a couple of feet above Harriet's back. "Scared the life out of me."

"Well, you're definitely bigger than that now," Jasper said with a grin. "You'll be fine. So, hook the reins around your left hand like this...you always mount a horse from this side; it's called the near side. Then put your hand on the saddle horn; grip it tight." His hand came to rest on my shoulder as he manoeuvred me closer to Harriet and I shivered. "Left foot in the stirrup here..."

I did as he said, tucking my booted foot into the stirrup which he held firm for me, my heart racing with both nerves of getting up on the horse and from his proximity.

"Now spring from your right foot, put your weight in the stirrup and pull on the horn at the same time, then swing your leg over."

I hopped awkwardly for a moment, almost lost my balance and hastily pulled my left foot free and put it back on the ground.

"Sorry." My face warmed and I tilted my head down in the hopes that the hat might disguise it.

"It's ok, take your time."

"You must think I'm useless."

"No, just inexperienced. Give it another go."

I lifted my foot and stuck it in the stirrup again, shoved off from the ground with my right and suddenly, somehow, I was sitting atop the horse with one leg each side, staring down at Jasper's upturned face in surprise.

"There you go." He ducked around the other side of Harriet and placed his hand on my leg while he guided my foot into the other stirrup. I glanced at his hand where it rested just above my knee, its warmth noticeable even through my jeans and my face heated up even more. Jasper snatched his hand back quickly and returned to the other side – the ___near side _- to show me the correct way to hold the reins, which was different to the way Dad showed me years ago, I realised. Both reins were held in the right hand, the ends dangling freely, while I could rest my left hand on my knee, or hold onto the saddle horn for security.

"How do I steer?" I asked and giggled at the ridiculous statement.

"Clearly a car-man," Jasper chuckled. "Just pull your hand firmly towards your right to go right and this way, to go left. Pull the reins back to halt and nudge with your heels to make her move forward. She'll follow Sandy anyway, so you won't really have to worry too much about any of that for now."

"Ok."

"You ok for a minute while I get Sandy? Harriet'll just stand there unless you dig your heels in."

"Sure." I looked around me in wonder as he walked off, my legs either side of the horse, hand holding the reins, the other for the moment gripping tightly onto the saddle horn. Maybe it wasn't going to be so bad as I feared. It was certainly different from my previous long ago experience and in a good way.

Jasper appeared from the barn with Sandy walking briskly at his shoulder a moment later and I watched as he checked the saddle and swung himself into it within the space of about five seconds, then touched the brim of his hat in a brief salute.

"Let's go. We're just gonna walk to start with. Stay relaxed and move with the horse, don't sit rigid and tense with the reins too tight; she'll feel it through her mouth and tense up as well."

"Ok." I nodded and loosened my hold on the reins a fraction. Watching Jasper, I touched my heels lightly to Harriet's sides and then we were moving across the yard towards a track that skirted the edge of the property and led away towards distant trees. As we left the ranch buildings behind, the horses walked a little faster and I gazed about me, realising that I actually felt comfortable and reasonably safe.

"How do you feel?" Jasper asked.

"Good. Better than I expected."

"Told ya. We'll make a horseman out of you yet. So, Edward...tell me some more about you. What do you like doing other than playing piano?"

"Uh...well...not that much." I flushed again, realising I had nothing exciting to tell him. "I like to drive."

"You have your own car?"

"Yes...um...it's a Volvo. Driving and playing piano, I guess they're the two things I think I'm good at."

"Must be handy for pulling chicks," Jasper said and winked.

"Mmm."

"Have you got a girlfriend?"

"No." I looked away, praying he wouldn't ask too much about this. I just had a feeling that if he knew I was gay, he wouldn't be half as keen to teach me to ride, or to spend any time with me at all. As it was, I was struggling not to keep looking at his strong, tanned arms, exposed to just above the elbows; jeans tight around firm thighs; dark hair brushing his collar. I'd never felt such an instant attraction to anybody and I dreaded him realising it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Much to my relief he dropped it. "You like any kind of sports?"

"I like to watch baseball sometimes, but mostly just on TV. I'm not much of an...outdoor guy."

"That might change by the time you've been here three weeks. I follow the Rangers. Dad even took me to see a couple home games last year, but we don't have a lot of time what with running this place."

"I follow the Mariners," I said. "I figured I might go to a few games when I go to college there. Where are you going to college?"

"Dallas. I'm expected home at least one weekend every month." He gave another slight grimace.

"Can't you choose where you want to study? What you want from your life?"

"Not in this family. I might be eighteen, but that doesn't count for much when you got a Dad like mine. Fuck, you don't want to hear about that shit anyway. Your parents seem pretty cool. Your Dad's a doctor?"

"Yes, a surgeon at the local hospital," I said proudly.

"Didn't he want you to follow in his footsteps?"

"He'd have been thrilled if I did, but my parents have always said I should follow my heart. I want to be a history professor. I know that sounds boring, but history has always interested me."

"It's not boring if it's what you like," Jasper said at once. "I would have liked to be a music teacher. So...are you ready to try a trot?"

"Sure," I said at once without really thinking about it. Glancing back, I realised that the ranch was now a small cluster of buildings in the far distance and we had come much further than I thought.

"Push your weight down into the stirrups, it'll stop you being bounced around in the saddle too much. Trotting's the least comfortable pace, but I don't think you're quite ready to gallop yet."

"Definitely not!" I did as he instructed and the two horses moved forward together at a quicker pace. At first I was bounced and jostled and I clung to the saddle horn for dear life until I became used to the movement, but by the time we drew back to a walk, me somewhat breathless, I decided horse-riding was something I could easily get to like after all and with Jasper for company, I was sure to enjoy the vacation an awful lot more than I expected to.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

We returned to the ranch after about two hours and I was almost disappointed when I saw the buildings come into view in the distance and realised it was almost over. However, it was now the hottest time of the day and my shirt was clinging damply to my skin, my hands beginning to turn red from the constant exposure to the hot sun and for that reason I was glad to get back. I climbed down carefully from the saddle and held on tight to Harriet as my knees threatened to give way, my thighs aching. Jasper grinned, tilting his hat back on his head.

"You'll be stiff as a board for a day or two, but it gets easier. I'll find you some gloves for tomorrow, or your hands are gonna be sore."

"Thanks."

"You did well, I wasn't sure if you were gonna like it," he went on.

"I wasn't either," I admitted at once. "I don't know what made my parents choose this type of vacation for me, but I think I'm going to enjoy it."

"Awesome. We'll get the horses unsaddled and give them a rub down now, then get some lunch."

We led the horses back to the barn and tied them to a post there, then I copied what Jasper did, removing the saddle, rubbing down Harriet's damp fur and giving her a brush. I was beginning to find it easier to talk to him as time went on and he helped by chattering, asking me endless questions about my life in Washington and I found myself telling him things that I only really talked to Ben about although obviously I kept my preferences to myself, convinced that would bring a swift end to what I hoped might be the start of a real friendship.

Mom and Dad returned as we sat on the porch steps in front of the house, eating thick sandwiches that Marcie had made for us. The other couple they had ridden with left their horses in the hands of the rancher who had accompanied them, but my parents called out a brief greeting before heading to the barn to take care of their own mounts. Another ride came in minutes later, including the three girls I'd briefly met at dinner the previous evening. The younger girl walked off towards the cabins, while the other two came towards us and instantly I dried up and ducked my head down, hoping neither of them would speak to me. I could see the shapely, jean-clad legs of the one named Cassie as she approached and stood in front of Jasper and I peered upwards, noting her bright yellow shirt knotted at the waist, hands resting on her hips.

"Hey, Jasper, we missed you today," she said in a pouty voice.

"I'll be riding with Edward for now," he answered. "You had a good time, didn't you?"

"Yes, but it would have been better with you there. You are going to dance with me, Friday, right?" She turned and sat down on the step beside him, seemingly as close as she could get.

"Of course I am," he answered.

I looked away uncomfortably, feeling ridiculously disappointed, only to find the blonde with the braid, Beth, standing beside me.

"Hey, Edward."

"Hey."

"May I sit by you?"

"Uh...sure."

She lowered herself onto the step, a little closer than I would have liked, tipping her hat backwards off of her head so that it dangled from the strings tied around her neck. "How are you liking riding?"

"Yeah, it's fun," I mumbled.

"Jasper's a good teacher, isn't he? He taught me a few things last week." She leaned closer suddenly and almost whispered in my ear. "Cassie has the hots for him; she and her sister rode with us and she monopolises him the whole time."

"I can see."

"You know they have kind of a barn dance Fridays?"

"Yes."

"Are you going?"

"I...uh...I don't really dance," I muttered, my face heating up. I had never been any good at talking to girls and this one reminded me somewhat of Alice Brandon, in nature if not in looks. I hoped fervently that she was only talking to me because Jasper was occupied, but whatever the reason, I felt that I had nothing to say.

"I could teach you? If you wanted. I mean...it'd be fun to have another guy to hang out with. There are a few here on vacation obviously, but they're mostly younger, like Frankie's age. How old are you, Edward?"

"Eighteen."

"I'm seventeen. Hey, d'you think I could maybe ride with you and Jasper some time? I'm only here until after the weekend." She leaned in and whispered conspiratorily again. "I'm getting a bit sick of Cassie's company to be honest; everything you talk about, she has to have done the same thing a hundred times better."

"Well, we might go a bit slow for you," I said.

"I don't mind."

"I guess you'd have to...ask Jasper, then." I was disappointed at the thought that she might join us the next day. I could just imagine it - her and Jasper riding side by side, talking none stop while I followed behind, once again struggling to find even a handful of words to string together. "I'm gonna...uh...go wash up," I said. "If you'll excuse me." I got to my feet quickly and walked away in the direction of the cabins, thinking I should probably have spoken to Jasper first and at least thanked him for the day, but he was still engrossed in conversation with Cassie.

The cabin was mercifully cool and I stripped off and showered, then applied some after-sun lotion to my hands, which seemed to be the only part of me that had been uncovered. I put on a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt and then sprawled on my bed, switching on my iPhone to see if I could get a signal to message Ben. I was in luck and I sent him a PM, telling him that I wasn't minding the riding and that the ranchers' son was 'really nice'.

'Is he gay?' was Ben's immediate response. 'What's he look like?'

'No, he's not, he has girls falling over themselves to get at him,' I typed. 'He has dark hair, greenish eyes, stubble and he's tall and tanned and fit.'

'Sounds hot. Sounds like you like him too.'

'Well, there's no point.' I changed the subject and we chatted for a few minutes about things Ben had been doing, before I signed off and lay back on the bed, thinking. I sincerely hoped Jasper wouldn't agree to Beth joining us the next day. I could probably come up with some kind of excuse to avoid the entertainment on Friday, but if she rode with us, I would be back to my usual pathetic tongue-tied self until she went home.

Mom and Dad returned to the cabin an hour later and I pulled myself together, telling them everything I'd done, finding that I sounded enthusiastic without really trying. I had enjoyed the day, it was only the appearance of the girls in the last few minutes that had made me withdraw into my shell again.

We stayed in the cabin for the rest of the afternoon until it was time to go to the house for dinner. We took the same seats as before, but this time I found Beth sitting next to me in the seat that had previously been occupied by Jasper. He was on his feet, helping Marcie carry large bowls of chilli and rice to the table and when he was done, he took the seat the other side of Beth, winking at me over her head. My heart sank again as I realised he must be encouraging her; had she told him she liked me? She was leaning towards me again, her hair loose for once and falling around her face like a curtain.

"Jasper said I can ride with you tomorrow; how cool is that?" she said in a low voice.

"Mmm...awesome." I stared down at my plate, considering waking up in the morning with a migraine or a bad stomach ache so that I wouldn't have to spend hours trying to think of something to say to her.

"I know. Like I said, I don't mind if we ride slow. It'd be nice having someone else to talk to. I mean, it'll be nice having you to talk to, Edward."

"Yeah."

"Cassie's pissed about it; she wanted to go with us, but Jasper said he's teaching you and he doesn't want a big crowd of people to keep an eye on," she whispered now. "Look at her face; she looks like she's sucking on a lemon."

I glanced up across the table and noted Cassie, her lips pursed up, jaw set and I couldn't help a quiet chuckle.

"She's got another week here, I'm sure she'll get the chance," Beth added.

"Chance for what?"

She leaned even closer, her lips brushing my ear lobe. "A romp in the hay, silly. I bet Jasper gets a different girl every few weeks when the new vacationers come in; she's determined she's gonna be the one this time. Not that there's really anyone else this week for him to pick from. I like him, but he's not my type like that." She drew back a few inches and from the corner of my eye, I noticed her face turn a subtle shade of pink. "I like boys that are a bit more...quiet...kind of...like you."

She did like me and I felt my face redden. It was only going to make the time I spent in her company the next day even more awkward and I stared blankly at my plate as Marcie sat down and Mick began to say grace. I added my own silent prayer that somehow things wouldn't be as bad as I feared.

The next two days were exactly as I feared. Beth accompanied us for the rides and each time I found myself riding between her and Jasper. He did his best to keep the conversation going, talking across me to Beth and trying to draw me in, but I began to feel more and more uncomfortable, especially when Jasper rode on ahead, leaving me with her. I kept wondering if he simply hadn't noticed how awkward I had become again or if he thought more time would have me getting along with Beth as easily as I did with him, but whatever the reason, I couldn't wait to get back to the ranch and escape to the cabin.

By the time the buildings came into sight, Jasper had dropped back to join us again and it was me who rode on ahead, more comfortable with trotting now. Jasper and Beth followed a little way behind, but I knew they were talking about me, catching odd words above the sound of Harriet's hooves pounding the hard ground beneath me.

"...he's so shy..."

"...I'm not sure if he likes me or not..."

"...maybe at the dance..."

My face burned under my hat and I halted Harriet outside the barn, sprang confidently from the saddle and led her to her stall. By the time Jasper appeared leading the other two horses, I was unstrapping Harriet's saddle.

"Hey." Jasper tied the two animals to the post and leaned against it. "Are you ok?"

"Fine."

"No, you're not, Edward. You're like you were when you first got here."

"I just...I'm fine, don't worry about me," I muttered, hoisting the saddle onto the bracket on the wall that usually held it.

"Don't you like Beth? Not your type?"

"I'm just no good at talking to girls."

"She's real nice and she likes you."

"Look, I didn't come here for a brief holiday romance or whatever," I snapped suddenly. "I came to ride; that's it."

"Wow...I'm sorry." Jasper took his hat off and fiddled with it, his eyes lowered and fixed on his hands and when I glanced at him, he looked about as uncomfortable as I felt. "I just thought...maybe you'd like to get to know some other people."

I stayed silent for a moment, brushing Harriet vigorously and trying to think of something else to say. I didn't want him to think I was more trouble than I was worth and that he was wasting his time trying to be my friend, but getting the words to come out was almost impossible for me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled eventually, not looking at him. "I'm not much good at talking to people."

"You've been talking to me with no trouble," he pointed out.

"You made it easy for me when I first got here. Now with Beth riding with us...I feel kind of like...a third wheel."

"But it's you she likes."

"I know, but I don't want her to."

"Ok. Well, we can ditch her tomorrow." He grinned suddenly. "There's a really cool place a few miles away that I go to sometimes to get some peace; we could go there if you want. Take some food and make it a longer day?"

"You don't have to do that," I said, feeling my heart skip a little just the same.

"What if I want to?" He grinned now, his eyes meeting mine.

"Ok. Thank you."

I finished with Harriet and put her into her stall, then left him rubbing down Sandy and the other horse and went back to the cabin. Suddenly I couldn't wait for Saturday and even the prospect of the dance that evening didn't spoil it. I was going to get a whole day with just Jasper and I knew I was going to enjoy it.

That evening, Mom and Dad seemed surprised that I didn't make an excuse to avoid the dance. We all headed over to the small barn around eight o'clock, following the sound of music drifting across the yard. Four musicians were playing while several of the other guests had already begun dancing and I immediately spotted Jasper sitting on a hay bale with a guitar on his lap, Cassie and Frankie sitting either side of him. He grinned and nodded in my direction and then moved away from the girls and went to join the small band for the next song.

I hovered at the side of the area being used for dancing, watching the other couples moving around, Mom and Dad quickly joining them. A couple of the other boys were standing together a little distance from me, looking about as out of place as I felt and I almost wished they would talk to me so that I didn't feel quite so isolated, but they kept their distance. It was Beth who approached me a few minutes later. I noticed she was wearing a blue dress, her hair pinned up in a messy bun, her lips painted red.

"Hey, Edward. Are you going to dance with me?" she asked.

"Um..."

"Please, I really want to dance and it's my last night."

"Well...I guess I could..." I agreed reluctantly. The last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself by proving to everyone that my two left feet couldn't even manage a few basic steps, but I thought maybe if I got through just one song, she would leave me alone.

"Come on, then." She slid her hand into mine and tugged me towards the middle of the group of couples. Copying the others, I slid my right arm around her waist and grasped her left hand in mine, just as the song came to an end and the next started. This was a much slower number and I noticed Jasper put his guitar down and pull Cassie into his arms as I began to shuffle awkwardly with Beth. Mercifully she didn't talk and I managed not to trip over my own feet or stamp on hers, but I was relieved when it was over just the same. I let go of her quickly and moved to a quiet corner, but she was still with me, standing much too close for comfort as we watched the others.

"I can't believe I only have one more day here," she sighed suddenly. "I'm not looking forward to going home."

"Where is home?" I asked.

"Phoenix. Where are you from, Edward?"

"Washington."

"DC?"

"No, the State."

"I wish I could stay another week. We're only just getting to know each other and I have to leave. We should make the most of tomorrow; ask Jasper if we can have a longer ride."

Obviously she didn't yet know she was going to be 'ditched' and I didn't enlighten her. The thought of spending the whole day with just him made me smile and Beth seemed to take this for encouragement, slipping her hand into mine again.

"Do you think we could keep in touch? You know, email or something?"

"I suppose."

Before I realised what she intended to do, her free hand lifted to touch my face and her lips brushed over mine. My lips parted on a gasp of shock and she kissed me again, more firmly this time. For a few agonising seconds I was rooted to the spot, not knowing whether to push her away, step backwards or go with it so that no one would think I was in any way...different. It was Beth who stepped back, her face disappointed, perhaps by my lack of response. She pulled her hand free of mine and folded her arms.

"Sorry...I thought maybe you liked me too."

"I...um...sorry..." Now I did move, taking a few steps backwards and then turning rapidly, striding towards the open door and out into the night. My heart was racing, my stomach turning over and as soon as I was out of sight of the barn I ran, fleeing back to the cabin as quickly as my legs would carry me. All I could think about was, what would Jasper think? He was enjoying spending his evening in Cassie's company and there I was, dancing with a pretty girl who clearly liked me and running away as if the devil were on my heels when she kissed me.

I slammed into the cabin, dived into my room and closed that door too, then threw myself onto the bed in the darkness, snatching my glasses off of my face and rubbing my hands over my eyes. I didn't consider myself handsome, but if Beth liked me, wouldn't other girls eventually like me too? I could imagine myself in college, constantly trying to avoid people, hiding in my room between classes, afraid to tell the truth, that I was gay and instead fighting off one girl after another. I lay there fretting, wondering if I should talk to Ben about it, but then dismissing the idea. I didn't want to admit how I felt even to him, for fear he thought I was a complete fool. Instead I remained alone, eyes closed, now beginning to worry about the next day instead of looking forward to it. What if Jasper thought I was weird? I'd tried to tell him I didn't want a casual involvement, but he was sure to ask me what happened and why I ran away.

I went over and over it in my mind and only succeeded in working myself up into a worse state that when we'd first arrived at the ranch and I'd been panicking about the prospect of anyone trying to talk to me. Eventually, however, I must have fallen asleep and when I opened my eyes it was daylight and I was still wearing my clothes, including my boots.

"Edward?" Mom tapped on the door and waited a moment before opening it. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Fine, thanks."

"You're still dressed."

"I was just really tired last night," I said.

"Are you sure nothing upset you? One minute you were dancing with that blonde girl, Beth, and then suddenly you were gone."

"I'm fine," I repeated, sitting up reluctantly. "I'll take a shower."

Mom didn't press me any further and I showered and dressed in fresh clothes, hunger dissuading me from making an excuse to miss breakfast. I would have to sit next to either Beth or Jasper and neither one filled me with delight just then. They were probably already there talking about me, wondering why I fled. However, when we reached the house, everyone was already seated and Beth had moved to a place further down the table with her parents, leaving only one empty seat beside me, which Jasper took when he had finished carrying dishes of bacon and eggs from the stove. He smiled and nodded at me, but didn't speak until after the meal when everyone began arranging what they would do that day.

"Marcie packed up sandwiches and some cake to take with us," he said then. "If you're still up for a long ride?"

"Sure," I agreed at once. I followed him to the barn, nervous and tongue-tied again as I feared he would bring up the subject of Beth, but he said nothing about it, only talking about this favourite place of his where there was a small lake that he bathed in sometimes and shelter from the sun in the form of a small cluster of trees. Within about thirty minutes we were mounted up and heading out towards the north. I began to relax as Jasper told me that a number of the guests would be leaving the next day and two large parties of new ones were coming in on Monday.

"One of them is a bunch of guys on a bachelor excursion," he said. "The other's a big family, but they're all reasonably experienced riders. You know, you're doing pretty good yourself; you look comfortable in the saddle now."

"Thanks. I feel better; at least I'm not hanging onto the saddle horn for dear life."

"So, can we talk about what happened the last couple of days?" he asked then and my heart sank. I glanced at him from beneath the brim of my hat and noticed he was facing straight ahead, avoiding looking at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I know what you said, about not wanting a romance or whatever and not being able to talk to girls. But...I don't know, you ran away from the dance last night like someone was out to get you. You could have just told Beth you weren't interested."

"I didn't know what to say."

"She's probably really embarrassed about it; she barely spoke to anyone this morning."

"I'm sorry!"

"Edward, you don't have to say sorry to me, I just wish you'd talk to me, that's all."

"I don't really know you," I muttered. I could feel my face flaming and I ducked my head lower until my chin touched my chest.

"Well, I thought we were getting to know each other. You can trust me, you know; I don't gossip."

"I don't want to talk about it," I said desperately.

"Edward..."

He wasn't going to drop it. I didn't know whether to flee or tell him to butt out or try to laugh it off. My fist was clenched tightly on the reins and Harriet skipped beneath me in response to me yanking on her mouth. I gripped the saddle horn with the other hand.

"Ed..."

"I'm gay!" I shouted suddenly. "So now you know!"

Jasper's head spun towards me and his mouth dropped open. I didn't wait to hear what he would say to me, guessing it wouldn't be pleasant. Out of everything that could have come out of my mouth, I hadn't expected it to be the truth and I was mortified. I dug my heels hard into Harriet's sides and loosened the reins and she sprang forward, almost unseating me. My hat flew backwards from my head, saved only by the strings around my neck and I clung on tightly to the saddle, realising that I was galloping for the first time.

"Edward!" Jasper shouted from behind me, but I ignored him.

"Please leave me alone," I whispered. "God, why did I say that? Now he's going to hate me; probably avoid me. Fuck. Fuck!"

Harriet raced through the short grass, passing a number of scrubby bushes and then suddenly, time almost seemed to stop. I saw a movement to the left, a hare darting from the cover of one bush and crossing our path. The horse slowed almost from a gallop to a standstill in just a few strides and her front legs came up in alarm until she was balanced on the rear ones. Then I was falling, the dusty ground rushing up to meet me. I landed on my back, my glasses flying off, my breath sucked out of me by the impact and I lay there, gasping frantically, my eyes stinging with tears of shock and embarrassment.

"Edward!" Jasper's voice came to me above the sound of Sandy's pounding hooves and I looked up to see the golden horse racing at full speed towards me. She looked huge and I folded my arms over my head, convinced I would be trampled. Then suddenly the sound stopped and I opened my eyes to see Jasper kneeling on the ground beside me, his face filled with worry.

"Are you hurt? Did you hit your head? Shit, your parents will kill me!"

"I'm...ok..." I panted.

"Don't move," he instructed and I lay still while he patted up and down my arms and legs, no doubt feeling for breaks.

"I'm ok," I repeated. "Just...winded."

"Can you sit up?"

"Uh...yeah..." I pushed myself up, my arms shaking slightly, eyes lowered.

"Why'd you run off like that, huh? You could have been hurt."

"I thought...what I told you...I mean...look, if you don't want to spend any more time with me...it's ok," I said miserably.

"Edward, look at me," he said.

I continued to stare at the ground between my knees while the fact that his voice was kind and concerned rather than shocked and repulsed slowly filtered into my head. I looked up and met warm grey-green eyes. White teeth flashed in a broad smile.

"I'm gay too," he said simply.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

**Edward's POV**

_Jasper was gay?_

My mouth fell open and I just stared back at him. It was the last thing I expected him to say and I was lost for words, aware only of my heart hammering frantically in my chest.

"But...I thought...I never would have guessed," I said lamely.

"It's not something I broadcast. Look, we need to get you back on the horse; there's a chance of losing your nerve after a fall. Then we'll talk, ok?"

I nodded and scanned the ground around me. "I lost my glasses."

Jasper backed up and looked too, finding the glasses in the grass a couple of feet away, fortunately still in one piece. I took them from him and was about to put them on, but then I thought better of it and tucked them into my shirt pocket instead.

"Don't you need to wear them all the time?"

"No." I picked up my hat and put it back on, then took his offered hand and scrambled to my feet. "I use them for reading and driving, but I guess I...uh...I hide behind them the rest of the time."

"You shouldn't," Jasper said. "Your eyes are...well, they're pretty striking."

"Thanks." I stared at the ground and blushed, unused to compliments, while he captured the two horses which were a few yards from us, reins trailing as they nibbled at the dry grass. I eyed Harriet nervously, wondering if she would rather not have me back up there in the saddle.

"Come here, Edward, I'll give you a leg up."

I obeyed, bending my left leg at the knee when instructed. He gripped the ankle, told me to spring and in seconds I was back in the saddle, taking a firm hold on the saddle horn again.

"Ok?" Jasper asked. His hand came to rest on my knee as he guided my foot into the stirrup and I shivered.

"Yes, thanks."

He walked away and mounted Sandy, then encouraged me to follow. I had expected to be as worried about riding as I had been the first time, but I felt fine. All I could think about was that Jasper was gay; he would understand exactly how I felt, but it only made me more worried that he would notice me looking at him. If he didn't like me the way I liked him, and I doubted that would be possible, I'd feel ridiculous.

"So, how long have you known you're gay?" he asked me.

"I've always known."

"Me too, since puberty. Do your parents know?"

"No. I haven't had the guts to tell them. I don't think they'd condemn me, they're very supportive over everything I do mostly, but I just...I don't want to disappoint them," I admitted.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No!" I actually laughed. "Can you imagine? I can't talk to people as friends, let alone anything else. What about you?"

I held my breath as I waited for him to answer. I could imagine him being the kind of person who had the confidence to flirt and date and kiss, maybe sleep with guys, but on the other hand, I didn't think the environment he lived in would make that easy.

"I kissed a boy once," he said. "It was last year and we got caught. Around here, folks don't understand. They'd probably hang you for it if it was still legal; my Dad certainly would. I figured I'd wait until I get to college; no one cares much in the cities, but I'd still have to come home in the end."

"This is why you don't want to come back to work here?" I queried.

"Got it in one. My father wants me to marry and carry on the family name. I just don't know how I'm ever going to achieve that." He sighed dejectedly and his shoulders slumped.

"But surely you can leave. How can your father stop you? When you finish college, you'll be twenty-one, maybe twenty-two," I said. "You could do anything you wanted."

"I guess I just don't know anything else and I've never really had anyone to encourage me to look for something different."

"You said you'd have liked to be a music teacher," I remembered. "Can't you try to get your major changed? It's three months yet before college starts. Once you're there, they can't really stop you."

"My Dad can do anything he wants," Jasper said. "He'd probably turn up in Dallas, drag me out of class and bring me back here. Then I wouldn't even have college."

"I'm sorry." I couldn't imagine having parents who cared nothing for what their child wanted and intended to bully him into a path they mapped out instead. "What about your mother?" I asked.

"Marcie's not my mother, she's my step-mother. She does exactly what Dad says with regard to the ranch and to me."

"Where's your Mom?"

"She died when I was three years old - had a bad fall and hit her head. She was in a coma for about a month, but never woke up. Dad had a nanny live-in for a couple of years to take care of me until he found Marcie."

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I repeated. In a way, I knew exactly how he felt; he was trapped in a world which wouldn't accept who he was, his family being the worst part of it, condemning him for trying to snatch a moment of being himself. I knew in my heart my parents wouldn't condemn me, but still I feared letting them down and of stepping out into the rest of my life when I felt trapped within myself, by my shyness.

"Don't worry about it," he said now. "Tell me more about you. You never had a boyfriend, but don't you have any friends you can confide in?"

"Just one," I said. "A boy in New York that I chat to on the internet."

"Ahh, that's why you wanted to know if we had Wi-Fi?"

"Yes." My face warmed again.

"Cute, is he?"

"It's not like that, we're just friends. He's in a relationship. I went on a chat site to try to find someone I could talk to, and of course I didn't dare talk to anyone. Then Ben said 'hey' and kind of did what you do...asked me stuff and made me talk. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I was wondering about Cassie..."

"Hell, she's just one of the many that I flirt with to keep Dad happy. Girls like to think they can have a romance on vacation, so I flatter them, dance with them on Friday nights, tell them I never met anyone like them and they go home happy. I avoid kissing them if I possibly can," he grinned. "It's just like acting."

I felt hugely relieved by this admission and I grinned back at him. "I should probably say sorry to Beth," I said. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. No one has ever kissed me and I didn't want my first kiss to be with a...a girl."

Jasper chuckled. "You flew out of there like a bat out of hell."

I laughed with him. At last I felt that I could really be myself, at least when it was just him and me and my shyness retreated a little. I'd been getting along with him fine before Beth had joined us for the past two days and now that we found we had something so important in common, things were even easier.

"My turn to ask something," he said then.

"Ok."

"You're so shy...have you always been that way, or...I don't know, did something happen?" He looked over at me and then shook his head suddenly. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that."

"It's alright. I don't really know the answer though. I never really had any friends. When I was a little kid, my parents would invite boys around from school and they'd all be playing with my stuff while I hid in my room. I just didn't interact well with people and it got so that I preferred my own company. When I was older, I was already so insular that the kids in highschool didn't make much effort to talk to me. They must have thought I was up myself or something, but a lot of the time I was just terrified they'd look at me and guess I was gay. There was one boy in some of my classes who was and he got bullied all the time; called a fag and other things. I was almost tempted to speak to him a few times and tell him he wasn't alone, but I never opened my mouth.

"Most of the time in school, even outside of the classes I had my head in a book and when I was home, I was shut in my room either working on my computer or reading. I'm interested in space and I read a lot about that; the different planets and solar systems; how black holes form, that kind of thing. You must think that's boring as hell." I looked up and realised he was watching me as he rode, a smile on his face.

"No, I don't, if you like something, why wouldn't you want to learn more about it? You know, for someone so insular, you're sure talking a lot right now," he teased.

"You make it easy for me to talk," I said.

We rode on for another couple hours before the small lake came into view, one side surrounded by a cluster of trees. We dismounted and tethered the horses in the shaded area and Jasper unstrapped a blanket from the back of his saddle, then removed a package from one of the saddle bags, passing it to me while he unhooked his water bottle and spread the blanket out. Relieved to be out of the sun, I took off my hat and gloves and rolled my sleeves up, sitting down on one side of the blanket with my legs stretched out in front of me. Jasper sat down beside me, cross-legged, arms resting on his knees.

"Do you think you'll meet someone in college?" he asked. "A guy, I mean?"

"I don't know; I hope so. I just wouldn't have a clue how to tell whether someone was gay or not. It would depend on them approaching me. They'd have to anyway, I'd never have the courage to speak to a complete stranger. Didn't you have any idea about me?"

"No." He shook his head at once and laughed. "It's not like my gaydar has had any practise."

"Who was the boy?" I asked boldly. "The one you kissed."

"He was here on vacation; Native guy named Brady, from your neck of the woods actually. He was out and proud at home, accepting parents and friends, the lot. He wasn't very popular when he first arrived here, I can tell you that. Some of the things he said didn't go down too well with Dad and I had a word with him. He was the same age as me - seventeen - and I guess he saw something in me that I didn't think I was giving away. We were in the barn brushing down the horses and he came onto me. I was pretty surprised, but I liked kissing him - right up until my Dad walked in. Fuck." He shuddered and turned his face away.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"He sent Brady back to his cabin and...beat me."

"Your father beat you?" I gasped.

"Yeah. Well, whipped me to be exact - with Sandy's reins."

Horrified, my concern for him outweighed my usual timidness and I reached out and rested my hand on his shoulder. He ignored it for a moment and I was about to snatch it back, when suddenly he lifted his hand and laid it over mine, giving my fingers a squeeze. I stared at my hand where his covered it and eventually he removed it from his shoulder and rather than let go, laced our fingers together. He lowered our joined hands to rest on his thigh, mine facing upwards so that I felt the heat of his leg on the back of it through his well-worn jeans. I couldn't stop looking, noting the contrast between his deep tan and my paleness, wondering if I could be dreaming that this amazing boy was holding my hand in his and confiding in me. I didn't really believe it was anything more than him reaching out to someone who would understand; wanting the friendship of someone like himself, but it was nice just the same.

"Is this ok?" he asked suddenly, glancing up at me. His brows were drawn together in a slight frown, eyes questioning as they met mine.

"Yes," I breathed and tightened my hand on his just a touch. His lips curved up into a smile and the frown dispersed.

"You're shaking," he observed.

I looked down at myself, my free hand trembling in my lap where it lay and the other arm quivering as it stretched across the small gap between us.

"I guess I'm...just...I was shocked by what you said about your Dad," I excused.

"It was a long time ago, Edward."

"But he'd do it again, right? If you...?"

"Got close to another boy? Well, I don't plan to..."

I dropped my eyes away from his. Of course he wouldn't; not with me anyway.

"...get caught, I mean," he finished. "It wouldn't be fair on the boy either."

"What would he do to him?"

"Nothing; I mean, not like that. Brady's vacation was almost at an end, but his family left a day early. I didn't find out what happened, but I guess Dad told them they weren't welcome any more."

I bit my lip. Even if he did like me, _like that_, there was no way anything could happen. It was too risky for him and the last thing I wanted was to be sent home early. I had dreaded this trip, but now I had met Jasper, I wanted to savour every single minute of it, even if we could only be friends.

Jasper stroked his thumb over mine for a moment and then suddenly released my hand, almost seeming to shake himself. I pulled back quickly and folded my arms.

"So, you want some lunch?" he asked me.

"Please."

We sat in companionable silence eating the sandwiches and cake Marcie had wrapped up for us. There was almost no sound, except for the occasional soft snicker from one of the horses or the cry of a bird high overhead. The surface of the lake was completely still and only a faint breeze moved the grass around us. When I looked up there wasn't a cloud in the sky, every inch of it a vivid blue until it met the dusty horizon in the distance. I just knew that at night, every star would be visible and if a shooting star fell, the eyes would be able to follow it all the way down.

"What are you thinking?" Jasper's voice broke into my thoughts.

"Just that the sky's so huge here. Back home it's mostly cloudy and where we live, in the forest, you can't see much anyway. I like to see the stars, but they're pretty much hidden in Washington."

"Sometimes I ride out here at night, when I feel like escaping for a few hours. You can see every star and the moon's bright enough that you can see what you're doing. Maybe we could ride out one night, if you want to?"

"Really?"

"Sure. We'd have to creep out though; if it got back to my Dad..."

"Of course," I said at once, feeling a flutter of excitement. The foolish little romantic part of me was already thinking about sneaking out in the night, riding in the darkness with Jasper and sitting here together, staring up at the stars and sharing our hopes and dreams.

"So you want to?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"Tomorrow night then? Sunday will be easiest; the guests who are leaving will have gone so half the cabins will be empty until the news ones come in Monday. There'll be less people around to hear us."

"Won't they hear the horses in the yard?"

"We won't go by the yard. Most of the horses are in the paddocks overnight so we'll catch them from there and go out the back gate straight onto the north track. Don't worry, I've done this a hundred times," he grinned. "All you need to do is get out of your cabin without your parents catching you."

"What time?" I asked.

"Midnight. My parents go to bed around eleven usually. I'll wait under the tree at the back of your cabin."

The idea thrilled me and curiously it almost seemed like a date. Again I imagined us sitting here together in the darkness, but now I also pictured Jasper holding my hand the way he had a few minutes before and the smile which was already on my face stretched into a wider grin.

We stayed by the lake for perhaps another hour before we packed up and mounted the horses ready to ride back to the ranch. The sun was high in the sky and as soon as we left the shelter of the trees, I felt the oppressive heat through my clothes, barely relieved by the lack of breeze that day. I removed my hat to fan my face several times as we made our way slowly towards the ranch and I grimaced at the feel of my shirt growing damp beneath my arms and down the middle of my back. However, when I glanced at Jasper, he was in the same state, obviously sweating and occasionally switching hands with the reins to wipe a damp palm on his thigh.

"Could've done with a dip in the lake," he said at one point. "Temperature's on the way up; it doesn't normally get this hot until into July."

"This is about as much as I can handle," I responded. "I can't wait to get in the shower; a cold one."

Jasper chuckled and I immediately felt my face redden at the implication of my words. In an effort to forget about it, I said the first thing that came into my head.

"Do you think I should apologise to Beth?"

"Uh...well, that's up to you, Edward. I'm sure she'd appreciate it, though."

"Yeah, I will then. She must have thought I was pretty weird, running off like that." I tilted my hat back, realising with disappointment that we were just a few hundred yards away from the ranch and the day was almost over. After my initial panic when I'd blurted out to Jasper that I was gay, I had enjoyed every second and the promise of the midnight ride had filled me with excitement.

"Thanks for today," Jasper said suddenly and I turned to look at him in surprise.

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, you did. In one way, I'm like you; exactly like you. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this stuff; being gay, I mean, and what my Dad's like. It's good having somebody to confide in and I wouldn't have, if you hadn't...come out like you did."

"Well, that wasn't exactly intentional," I said, smiling as I remembered how I blurted it out; almost yelled it at him in fact, before I fled from him.

"No, but thanks all the same. How are you feeling? After the fall?"

"A bit sore." I realised I hadn't even thought about it for the past few hours, but now I noticed my butt and lower back were aching a little and I felt as if I'd probably gained a few bruises. "I'm ok," I added. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell my parents. They wouldn't be mad at you, they'd just freak and fuss over me."

Jasper grinned. "I bet they fuss over you anyway. Bet you're spoiled rotten."

"Yeah, I am pretty spoiled," I confirmed, but I still wasn't about to tell him they gave me a brand new car for my eighteenth.

"You're lucky."

I certainly felt lucky as we halted the horses in the yard and jumped down, me with a grimace as I began to feel my bruises more acutely. I was lucky to have met Jasper, I thought and finally be able to share part of myself with somebody.

We gave the horses a rub down and a brush and then Jasper led them out of the barn to one of the paddocks and released them. I could see another group of riders heading back and immediately recognised Beth with her parents. I hung around, waiting for them to arrive and going over and over in my head what I would say to her. Somehow spending the day talking to Jasper so much had at least given me the courage to approach her, which I did as soon as she jumped down from her horse and handed the reins to the rancher who was riding with them.

"Beth, can I speak to you for a minute, please?" I asked.

"Alright." She took her hat off and brushed damp hair out of her eyes, then walked a little way off so that her parents wouldn't overhear.

"I just wanted to say sorry," I began.

"Ok."

"You must have thought I was weird, running off like that."

"No, I just thought I got it wrong and that you didn't like me." She reddened and avoided looking at me.

"It's not that." I cleared my throat and licked my lips, wondering how to continue. "I'm just not that good with people. I never had a girlfriend or anything and I suppose when I meet somebody I don't just want a casual fling...or whatever."

"Oh!" She looked up again and smiled suddenly. "Well, I can understand that. I guess I got the idea in my head that I'd have some kind of vacation romance. Cassie's all over Jasper like a rash most of the time and I only had a few days left when you arrived. I'm sorry I was so pushy, I'm not normally like that. Sun must have gone to my head or something." She giggled suddenly and fiddled with the end of her braid.

"It's ok."

"So, you don't think I'm horrible or anything?"

"Of course not. You're really pretty, Beth, and you seem like a nice person," I said honestly. "But I can only be your friend."

"That's cool. Maybe we can keep in touch after all then. I only have a couple of good friends; it'd be nice swapping emails."

"Yeah, I'd like that," I agreed, surprised at myself. I was actually making another friend and I had been the one to approach her.

"Is it ok if I sit by you at dinner again?"

"Sure."

Later Beth took the seat beside me at the table while Jasper sat the other side of her, catching my eye over her head once and giving me a quick grin. I found myself talking to her throughout the meal, telling her what I planned to do in college and where I lived, while she told me about Phoenix and her plans to train to be a nurse, although she still had a year of highschool left yet. When I returned to the cabin for the evening, it was Beth that Mom and Dad commented on, expressing their delight that I was opening up and making friends. They seemed so pleased that it was a girl I was talking to, that it only made me worry more that I would disappoint them when they finally learned the truth.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

**Jasper's POV**

I stretched out in my bed that night, my feet almost hanging off of the end of the small bunk that Dad had never seen fit to replace as I grew up. I folded my hands behind my head and stared up at the ceiling in the darkness, wondering if I would be able to sleep at all. A mixture of excitement and doubt was running through my mind, the two feelings warring with each other inside my head, although I expected the former was going to win out.

"Edward Cullen." I whispered his name out loud with a smile. Since that kiss with Brady, I had made it clear enough to any other visitors to the ranch that I loved the girls; teasing them, whispering with them, showering them with compliments. It had pleased Dad and it made any boy who might like the look of me keep his distance. Dad had watched me like a hawk for months after Brady left and finally seemed to have satisfied himself that it had been a one-off - a mistake or an experiment - and that he didn't need to worry any more so again, he left me to my own devices most of the time.

When Edward and his family arrived a few days before and I had walked in with Dad to meet them, the first thing I had thought when I saw him in his button down shirt and glasses, eyes on the floor and face scarlet, was that he was painfully shy and that I was going to have my work cut out. Dad had said the kid didn't even ride so we would be starting from scratch, not that I minded that. I enjoyed teaching people and as much as I wanted to be a music teacher, I would take riding instead if it was all I could get.

Edward had dragged his eyes up to my face, looking as if he would rather be anywhere else than in Texas, being introduced to people he probably had nothing in common with and immediately I had been struck by his eyes. Even hidden behind his glasses, the vivid green was startling and I had automatically given him an encouraging smile. I wouldn't have described him as hot exactly; he was too awkward and uncomfortable in his own skin to be that, but he was certainly cute; pretty even. I smirked at the description and pictured him in my head. Pale skin, quite often tinted with a blush, wild copper coloured hair that coupled with the glasses gave him a kind of mad scientist appearance, perfect white teeth, soft red lips, and those beautiful eyes that I wanted to keep looking into and didn't dare in case he or anyone else thought I was paying too much attention.

I hadn't considered he might be gay; I had resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to meet anyone who came to the ranch and I couldn't risk getting myself caught again the way I had with Brady. I still had scars from the whipping and they were probably always going to be with me. I would be going to college in just a few months and I intended to find a boy there and finally be myself, even though it would only be temporary. How I would be able to come back and do what Dad wanted though, I had no idea. How could I marry and father children when the thought of touching a girl did nothing for me at all? When I would spend the rest of my life unhappy and living a lie. I had even gone as far as to buy magazines containing naked girls, some of the pictures virtually pornographic, curious to know if I had any reaction, but if anything those pictures made me cringe. The only advantage the magazines had was making Dad smile when he found them in my desk drawer and thought his son was 'normal' after all.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. Now I had actually met someone that I liked and I knew I could easily fall for and as much as I knew I should keep my distance, I found that I just couldn't. After the first few awkward minutes when I showed Edward the barns and talked to him about the horses, where he gave me single word answers and blushed at the drop of a hat, he had seemed to come out of his shell a little more. When we rode together the next day he talked and shared his dreams with me and in him I saw someone stronger and more determined than he himself realised. He was scared of meeting people, certain he would have nothing to say, and yet he intended to go away to college and train to be a teacher, the same way I had wanted to, knowing that his future would involve lecturing dozens of students. In addition, he was trying to make the most of this vacation, even when he initially feared horses and couldn't imagine himself enjoying the trip. For those reasons I admired him.

When he blurted out that he was gay, I had been stunned and the fact that he just yelled it at me like that left me speechless. Then he was racing away from me, his body bouncing around awkwardly in the saddle, arms and legs flapping and I was chasing him, praying to God that he wasn't going to take a spill and get hurt. As I raced after him and saw him fall, I considered denying myself again for the brief moment it took for me to reach him. If he knew I was gay too, we would have that connection; I would want to reach out to him, try to see if he liked me too and risk my father's wrath again, but when I knelt beside Edward and saw his shock and embarrassment, the tears in his eyes as he waited for me to condemn him, I couldn't do it; I had to share who I was with him.

I smiled now as I thought about the rest of the day; riding out to the lake with him, holding hands, confiding in each other about our hopes and fears. Edward was the only person I'd told about Dad beating me; even my best friend, Emmett, from another nearby ranch, didn't know about that, mainly because I would have had to tell him the reason. It was why I always kept my shirt on, even doing hot work such as cleaning out the horses' stalls.

Now it was just twenty-four hours before I would be riding out to the lake with Edward again and my heart pounded in my chest. It almost seemed like a date, sneaking off in the night to spend time together. Would we kiss, I wondered? Of course that would depend on me; I couldn't see him making a move in my direction, however much he might want to.

It took me a long time to go to sleep, although eventually I did for a few hours. We didn't have to rise so early on Sundays and I didn't wake until I smelled bacon cooking downstairs. Then I threw myself out of bed, took a quick shower and dressed in smart pants and a shirt and tie. We always went to church in Dublin, leaving the vacationers in the hands of some of the ranchers if they wanted to ride, although a lot of them elected to take a day out and drive off somewhere to explore. With a lot of people leaving that day, there wouldn't be much going on.

I put on my best shiny shoes and hurried downstairs, finding everyone already seated at the table awaiting breakfast. Beth was sitting beside Edward again, the pair chatting easily together and I barely got chance to say much more than a quick hello to him. Once breakfast was done, I helped load the dishwasher and then we were heading out to Dad's truck.

When we arrived back at the ranch later, I noticed the Cullens' rental car was gone from its place behind the house and my heart sank as I realised they must have decided to head out for the day. I changed out of my church clothes and spent the afternoon working in the barn until our late Sunday meal was ready, the table almost empty with the exception of one family of a father and two boys. The Cullens didn't arrive back until the late evening and I had no opportunity to speak to Edward alone before they retired to their cabin. He shot me a small hopeful look when no one was watching and I gave him a smile, but it was our only exchange and I found myself counting off the hours until midnight, hoping he wouldn't change his mind.

My parents retired just before eleven as usual and within twenty minutes I heard Dad's rumbling snore coming through the wall. A few minutes later, the softer sound of Marcie joined in and I glanced at the luminous hands on my clock for the hundredth time since I had come to my room - eleven-thirty. I had showered and made a pretense of getting ready for bed earlier in case one of them looked in on me, not that they ever did, but I had left underwear, socks, shirt and jeans folded neatly on the chair beside the bed so that I could dress in the dark without fumbling around. I had sneaked out like this many times alone, but never to meet anyone and my heart hammered loudly, my blood thundering in my ears.

As I sat on the edge of the bed, one sock on and the other in my hand, doubts filled me again. Was it worth it? We could get caught and if that happened, I had no doubt Dad would whip the skin off of me and make the rest of Edward's vacation a misery, if he didn't ask the family to leave, in which case Edward would be outed to his parents whether he wanted to be or not. If we weren't caught, I might get too close to him; one midnight ride wasn't going to be enough and in just over two weeks' time he would leave; go back to his life thousands of miles away while I worked on through the summer and then went to college in Dallas. Was it worth it, I asked myself again? Nothing good could come of it. Maybe I should just act like a friend the way I had been doing; it wasn't like he expected anything - yet.

I sighed heavily and flopped back onto the mattress, scrubbing my hands over my face. Maybe he did expect something; I hadn't missed the way he looked at me since I'd told him I was gay. He tried to hide it, lowering his hat brim, turning his head slightly away, looking down, but his eyes continually drifted over me and even when I didn't see, I could feel him looking. Damnit; two weeks - was it worth it? It was the third time I asked myself that and I imagined him now, perhaps sitting in the darkness as I was, his heart racing, tugging one hand through his hair, all nervous, waiting to creep out of the cabin and meet me under the tree. I thought about Sandy and Harriet, their saddles already hidden out by the paddock so we wouldn't have to stumble around in the barn in the dark, making noises and disturbing the few horses spending the night in there. I pictured us riding out together, to the lake if Edward was confident enough to try a canter, or perhaps somewhere closer if not, sitting together looking at the stars and sharing our secrets. Maybe he would turn to look at me with those big green eyes and I wouldn't be able to stop myself kissing him.

Suddenly I was galvanised into action and I rose silently, finished dressing and slipped from my room. One step at a time, carefully avoiding the parts of the floor that creaked, I made my way downstairs and out of the house without once hearing an interruption to the rhythmic snores coming from Dad and Marcie's room. Sighing with relief, I moved quietly towards the cabins, my boots in my hand until I was walking on grass, when I paused to put them on. My clock had shown ten minutes to twelve when I left my room and I guessed it must be approaching five minutes to as I circled around the cabins and came up behind number six, where I spotted a slim shadow standing against the trunk of the tree there. He raised a hand and tugged it through his hair, then lowered it to his side. I went to him quickly and grasped his hand in mine without hesitation, hearing his sharp intake of breath.

"Sshh. Come with me quietly," I whispered.

We made barely a sound as we made our way to the perimeter of the paddock and then walked around the side to the far end where I had left the horses' saddles and bridles.

"You managed to get out ok, then," I said, still keeping my voice low.

"Yes, my parents were asleep by eleven."

"I don't know how you feel about riding faster, especially after you fell. It's just that the lake is a long way off and we wouldn't have time to get there and back otherwise. If you're not comfortable with it, we can go somewhere closer."

"I'll give it a try," Edward said. "I'll just have to hope Harriet doesn't see another hare."

"That was pretty unusual, nothing fazes her normally; she might have been spooked by you a little too. Here we are." I halted by the rear gate and found the two bridles. "I'll catch them and we'll saddle up together, ok?"

"Yes."

I opened the gate and let out a soft chucking sound which Sandy responded to and within seconds I heard her hooves approaching. She was used to these midnight excursions and her pale form quickly appeared out of the darkness and halted in front of me. The moon was only a sliver right now and didn't afford much light, but I could see well enough as I put Sandy's bridle on, by which time several other horses had appeared to investigate. I caught Harriet and led the two back to the gate, tying them to it while we strapped on the saddles. Ten minutes later we were mounted up and riding away, still not talking until we were far enough from the buildings not to be heard if we spoke normally.

Since Edward was willing to give a faster pace a try, I explained how he should be sitting, relaxed, but with the weight in the stirrups, allowing the body to rock back and forth with the movement of the horse, loosening the reins so it could go at its own pace. He took a firm grip on the saddle horn with one hand and then we were off, Harriet pounding along beside Sandy, ears pricked forward eagerly.

"Ok?" I called out to Edward above the thundering of hooves.

"Yes!" he responded breathlessly. "Let's keep going!"

We made it to the lake in an hour, with a couple of short periods of walking to let the horses catch their breath, and Edward too. When we dismounted, I knotted the animals' reins to stop them trailing on the ground and let them wander free down to the water's edge to drink while I led Edward to a spot on a nearby bank where we could sit. For a few moments we sat in silence and I could almost feel his nervousness as he picked at the laces on his hiking boots and raked fingers through his hair. Foolishly it made me feel awkward, which was unusual for me.

"So what did you do all day?" I asked him, just to get us talking again.

"We went to look around Dublin and had lunch in an hotel," he replied.

"You mean the Stagecoach?" I grinned. It wasn't much of an hotel and I'd heard that the food wasn't particularly impressive.

"Yes; Mom said she wished we'd stayed on the ranch so we could have had Marcie's cooking instead." He laughed softly and immediately seemed to relax.

"It doesn't have the best reputation," I said. "Maybe next week you could have Sunday dinner with us. We eat late; Marcie doesn't start it until we get back from church, but it's worth the wait."

"That'd be nice. Do you go to church every week?"

"Yeah, ever since I was old enough not to fidget. Do you?"

"No. I believe in God, but we only go to church on occasion, like Christmas and Easter, or for weddings and things like that. Mom always said that God doesn't care whether you show up or not, so long as you speak to Him once in a while."

"Sounds reasonable," I nodded. "My Dad's pretty devout. I can remember him quoting Leviticus to me after he caught me and Brady. 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination'. I don't believe that though. My friend, Emmett, has always said that a lot of the Bible is open to interpretation and that it doesn't necessarily mean what it seems to say, word for word. God loves all His children, right? And forgives all sins if you ask, so why's He gonna hate gay people? Doesn't make sense to me."

"I agree with you," Edward said at once.

"You know what? I can't believe we're sitting here talking about religion," I joked suddenly.

"I don't mind. I enjoy having someone I can talk to about everything."

"Me too." I could feel his eyes on me and I turned to look at him, meeting his gaze. He wasn't wearing his glasses for once and he held my eyes for a few seconds and then looked down, a small smile curving his lips up at the corners. I wanted him to keep looking at me, but I imagined if it had been light enough, I'd have seen the familiar flush colouring his cheeks as his eyes darted about, carefully avoiding my face. I licked my lips and swallowed the sudden abundance of saliva in my mouth. My heart was banging against my ribs and I knew the moment had come. If I took this step, we would have two weeks. Maybe it was a huge risk and maybe it would hurt when he left; and maybe it would be worth every stolen moment.

"Edward..." I lifted my hand and touched his chin, encouraging him to look at me again even as he slowly raised his eyes to mine. He sank his teeth into his lower lip for a second before letting it slip free and moistening it with the tip of his tongue. I trailed my fingertips along his jaw, feeling smooth, freshly shaved skin, then heat as I touched his cheek and traced the shape of a cheekbone. His eyelashes fluttered slightly and lowered and I leaned in slowly, noting how his lips parted in anticipation of receiving mine as I inched closer.

Our lips met in little more than a brush against each other and then I drew back an inch, eyeing Edward's lashes resting on his cheeks, realising he was holding his breath just as I was. I breathed out slowly through my nose and kissed him again, finding our lips fitted together of their own accord, sliding over each other, caressing and tasting. My hand was still touching his face and I moved it to the back of his neck and then upwards into his hair, curling my fingers in the silken strands. His hands were resting in his lap, but after another moment he raised one to my chest and laid it over my heart, which was hammering frantically. I lifted my other hand and slid my arm around him, breaking the kiss to take a breath before I brought our lips together again. It was perfect, everything I could have imagined, and it felt like my first kiss all over again, only better and I wanted more.

I angled my head a little, pressing my lips more firmly against his and slipping my tongue between them, seeking his and stroking it, feeling a shiver run down my spine and blood rush to my groin as he responded eagerly. He opened for me, our tongues toying with each other, teeth bumping occasionally as we strained to taste more of each other. Edward's hand slid from my chest to my neck and his other hand slipped around me to my back, clutching at my shirt. His soft moan, muffled by my mouth, made my thickening cock stiffen more, pushing uncomfortably against my zipper and I let out a groan in response.

My mind began to conjure up images of us undressing each other, exploring each other with hands and lips. I was suddenly desperate to touch him and to feel his hands on me, but I wondered if it was too soon. Perhaps we should stick to kissing for now, even though my cock was aching, trapped between my too tight jeans and my belly, a damp patch forming in my shorts around the head. I felt like I would come in my pants before too much longer, but then Edward unknowingly interrupted the moment by sliding his hand under my shirt and stroking it over the bottom of my back, his fingertips running over the rough part of my skin that I always avoided touching, using a sponge or washcloth when I showered. I drew my lips away from his and caught his wrist, pulling his hand off my back.

"Don't," I muttered and immediately he snatched his other hand from my neck and leaned away from me.

"I'm sorry." He pulled his hand free of mine and tugged it through his hair.

"No, I'm sorry. I just...I'm self-conscious about my back. The bottom part of it's got a long scar across; I don't even touch it myself."

"Oh, Jasper," he said softly, turning to face me again.

"Don't...pity me," I grunted uncomfortably.

"I'm not. I'm sorry you feel like that about part of yourself. You don't think it would...bother me, do you?"

"I don't know, it bothers me."

"I know it's horrible how you got it, but it doesn't make you less...um...less attractive at all. I mean, it wouldn't, if I saw."

"You think I'm attractive?" I blurted foolishly and received no spoken response, only a small giggle.

"Why don't you just show me it and then you can stop worrying about it?" he suggested then, much to my surprise.

"Hell, Edward, you don't want to see that."

"Yeah, I do. You show me yours and I'll show you mine." He straightened his legs out suddenly and began to roll up one of the loose legs of his cargo pants until his knee was uncovered. "See this?" He pointed to the side of his knee where I could see a curious dark mark about two inches across. "It's a birthmark. I've always hated it and when I was a kid I wore jog pants for sports instead of shorts so nobody would see it. Eventually I figured out I was stuck with it so I might as well just stop worrying about it; not that I really have any cause for anyone to see it now; no one sees me, period."

"You know, sometimes you really surprise me," I said.

"Why? Because I showed you my knee?" He grinned and rolled his pants leg back down.

"No, because one minute you're still all shy and awkward and the next, you're...not."

"Like I said before, you're making me feel better, like I can say things and it doesn't matter."

"Ok. I guess I should be thankful it's not too light tonight." Decided, I let out a sigh and began to unbutton my shirt, hoping he didn't think the same thing I did when he actually saw what Dad had done to me.

I slid the shirt off of my shoulders and dropped it on the ground next to me. At least the front of me looked decent enough, I reasoned. With years of riding and working, although slim I had nicely developed pecs and arms, my abs easily visible and I immediately noticed Edward's eyes sliding slowly down my upper body to the top of my jeans. I would have enjoyed having him look at me like that if I wasn't about to show him the other side of me and I shifted my position abruptly, turning around and resting on my knees, my head hanging as I tried to tell myself it wasn't that bad.

"Jasper...why do you think it's so hideous?"

"I saw in the mirror once. Now I avoid looking."

"How long ago was that?"

"I don't know, a couple weeks after..."

"It's barely visible."

I glanced over my shoulder, grimacing when I noticed him pull out his phone and use the brightness of the screen as a torch.

"There's a very faint line a little paler than the rest of your skin..." He put the phone away and suddenly I felt his fingers lightly touch my skin and stroke back and forth. "I can't feel anything either." Both hands came to rest on my back and moved slowly up to my shoulders. "Even if I could, I'd still think you're perfect."

"Fuck," I muttered. "Are you sure you're not just trying to make me feel better?"

"I wouldn't do that."

I turned around again quickly and caught his hands before they fell away from me, placing them on my chest instead. My heart was still racing, only with nerves this time rather than arousal.

"Thank you," I said. "I had this picture in my mind of what I looked like; I thought it was really obvious. I never even take my shirt off when I'm working in case somebody sees and asks what happened. Dad would give me hell."

"I doubt anybody would notice unless they're really close to you and even then, it could be anything," Edward said firmly.

I heaved a sigh of relief. All these months I'd convinced myself that the fact I'd been whipped was still obvious, even though I knew well enough that scars healed and faded. Maybe the scar was in my mind because of how I'd got it, lingering there to remind me that I could never really be myself.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

**Edward's POV**

I had been incredibly nervous when I slipped out of the cabin to meet Jasper. It was like a date - my first date - and I repeatedly wiped sweaty palms on my pants legs and dragged my fingers through my hair until he appeared out of the darkness, silent as a cat, and grabbed my hand. We had ridden fast to reach the lake and it actually hadn't fazed me at all once I got used to the rocking motion of Harriet beneath me and moved with her instead of steeling myself against it. Quickly my anxiety had blown away and I simply enjoyed the ride and Jasper's company.

I had hoped he might want to kiss me and had conjured up various scenarios in my mind of how he might do it, but with each one I told myself that I was fooling myself. His father had beaten him for kissing a boy and I would be leaving in just over two weeks' time. Why would he take the risk? Why would he even want to do anything with someone like me? The fact that we were out here together in the middle of the night and then what had happened since arriving at the lake proved that he did want to and all my doubts vanished the instant his lips touched mine. He liked me; he wanted me. Even I, as inexperienced as I was, could feel it in the way he held me, the way his lips caressed mine, the way his tongue explored my mouth as things grew more heated. My cock stiffened eagerly in my pants and I wondered if Jasper was hard too. Then I ruined it all by touching what he had feared for months was a hideous scar from the whipping he'd received from his father.

Somehow I had managed to say and do the right thing. I wasn't good with words, at least not in person, but this time, somehow I made it better. There really was only the faintest trace of a scar on his smooth skin and the fact that he had worried about it all this time, imagining it was obvious, made me hurt for him. He seemed so outgoing and confident on the outside, but inside he had fears just like I did. The scar was on his mind rather than his skin and the fact that I was giving the comfort and making someone feel better, gave me a much-needed boost of confidence.

My hands were still resting on his chest where he had placed them when he turned around and I could feel his heart beating under my right one, fast and uneven as his chest rose and fell rapidly. I glanced down, eyeing him in the faint light from the sliver of moon overhead, taking in his slim, but well sculpted form and tracing my left hand over the pectoral. He slid his hands around my waist again and we rose up on our knees together, to be closer rather than remain in the awkward half crouches we had gotten ourselves into. There was just a small gap between us now and my erection, softened by Jasper's pain over his scar, quickly grew once more.

"Jasper..." I whispered his name and leaned closer, wanting to feel his lips on mine again. He met me halfway and immediately our mouths fitted together, tongues seeking each other, lips caressing and occasionally becoming crushed against teeth. His hands moved between us and I felt him unfastening my shirt, tugging the garment out of the top of my pants and pushing it off of my shoulders. I lowered my arms for a moment so that it could slide off completely and then his hands were on me again, one stroking over my chest and for a second, self-consciousness returned and I broke the kiss, turning my face into his neck instead. I was nowhere near as well-toned as he was and I had chest hair, unlike Jasper's smooth form. I kept it neatly trimmed, but would that bother him, I wondered?

"Mmm," he hummed, drawing his nails down the centre of my chest. He paused to capture one of my nipples between finger and thumb, tweaking it into a hardened and surprisingly sensitive nub. "God, you feel good."

A small whimper escaped me, but I relaxed again, letting my lips caress Jasper's neck just below his ear, slipping my arm around his neck, shivering under his touch. One of his hands continued to stroke over my chest, the other running lightly up and down my spine. I was so hard that I ached and I could feel pre-cum leaking into my underwear, my balls tight and uncomfortable. I wanted more, but I was scared. If he touched me more than he was doing, I would probably explode right away and disgrace myself; if I touched him, perhaps I just wouldn't do it right; perhaps I wouldn't be good enough. I had temporarily forgotten that he hadn't done any of this before either, but again I stopped worrying about it when his hand touched my cheek and turned my head, guiding my mouth back to his and taking my lips in another heated kiss.

I held onto him, hearing myself moan as his tongue invaded my mouth and then he inched forward, bringing his body against mine, both arms tight around me. I felt the heat of his skin against mine, his heart thumping rapidly and matching the pace of my own. My cock, only loosely restrained by the cargo pants, bumped his belly and my cheeks warmed until I felt his own arousal, straining against his tight jeans, gently nudging my erection as he moved. I was almost holding my breath as we kissed, drawing in a small amount of air only occasionally through my nose and now I clenched my muscles, desperate to control myself. Heat was flooding through my groin, my cock throbbing painfully, the wet patch in my underwear spreading. I groaned again, the sound muffled by Jasper's mouth until he pulled back, putting a couple of inches between us. One of my hands was still resting on his chest and he grasped it now, guiding it lower over the ridges of his abs.

I sucked in more oxygen rapidly, blood thundering in my ears as I felt the beginnings of his happy trail, a narrow line of soft hair disappearing into the top of his jeans. He moaned quietly and I looked at his face, lower lip caught between his teeth, eyes hooded, his breath coming in harsh gasps just as mine was. Slowly his hand moved lower, taking mine with it until I felt jean fabric and the hard shape of his cock underneath, lying at an angle and pointing towards his hip.

"Is this ok?" he whispered.

I nodded and then realised he couldn't see me, his eyes almost closed. "Yes," I said and licked my dry lips.

He fumbled with the front of his jeans and I glanced down, watching as he opened them and I caught a glimpse of white underwear inside. He adjusted himself and then guided my hand into the opening, placing it over his hardness. I felt the heat of him through the thin cotton, his erection pulsing and twitching, the tip leaking and soaking through his underwear the way mine was. His hands clutched me again, gripping my hips as he hung his head, breathing hard and waiting for me to do something; anything. My hand rested on him, unmoving except for a slight tremble and I quickly pulled myself together. He wanted me; wanted me to touch him and it was everything I had dreamed of countless times when I lay alone touching myself.

Hesitantly I stroked my hand up and down along the length of his erection, feeling it quiver beneath my palm and push against the restraining underwear. I felt the growing dampness as I traced my thumb around the head, discovering that he was cut the same way I was and he let out a deep groan as I gently rubbed over the tip. His fingers dug into my sides and his chest heaved, a long shaky breath hissing out between his teeth. I took my hand off and felt for the band of his boxer briefs, pulling it out and downwards, freeing him and then wrapping my fingers slowly around his shaft.

"Oh, fuck...yes..." he muttered.

I wondered if I could possibly be dreaming, but no dream, however vivid and arousing, had made me feel the heat of a cock in my hand, the wetness of pre-cum as I smeared it down his length, the urgent throbbing indicating he was rapidly getting close to coming. I looked down again, fascinated by the sight of my own hand wrapped around another boy's erection, stroking slowly up and down, rubbing my thumb over his slit the same way I did with my own when I masturbated. I was so intent on looking at him, concentrating on what I was doing, that I hadn't noticed how close I was getting myself. He hadn't even touched me and I was seconds away from coming in my pants. I could feel the familiar tingle at the bottom of my spine, my balls tightening, the base of my cock beginning to pulse and my thighs trembling with the effort of holding me upright. I switched my attention back to Jasper, quickening my hand movement just a little, feeling him thrusting against my palm as he bucked his hips in time to my stroking.

"Holy shit!" he hissed. "God, Edward...I'm gonna come."

His words sent me over the edge. My cock pulsed over and over, emptying its rather substantial load into my shorts, soaking the fabric and effectively sticking it to my flesh. I bit into my lip almost hard enough to draw blood in my efforts not to shout out my pleasure and then Jasper was coming, spurts of thick white fluid coating my hand while he groaned and cursed, his upper body leaning forward and his head dropping onto my shoulder.

"Fuck...that was amazing..." he panted.

"Really?" I said stupidly, letting him slip from my hand and grimacing at the feel of my soaked shorts.

"You practise on yourself a lot?" he grinned, raising his head.

"Uh...well.." My face flamed and he chuckled and brushed his lips gently over my cheek.

"You're not the only one." He dug into a pocket of his jeans and pulled out a hankerchief, giving it to me first to wipe my hand before he cleaned himself up and tucked himself back into his clothes. "Will you let me touch you like that?" he asked then.

"Um..." I shuffled backwards and unfolded my cramped legs from beneath me, sitting my butt down on the ground again with my legs in front of me. I shuddered slightly at the feel of the mess that my softening cock was lying in and tried to think up an excuse as to why he shouldn't return the favour.

"Please, Edward?" He sat down beside me and slid an arm around me.

"Not now...um...maybe another time," I muttered, glancing sideways at him and noticing his face fall in disappointment. "I'm sorry," I added in a whisper. "I can't right now."

"Edward..." he almost groaned. "If you didn't want to do this you should have stopped me; or stopped yourself. I'm sorry, you turned me on so much. I've never felt this good...I got carried away; I didn't even plan any of this. Fuck." He removed his arm from my back and dragged a hand through his hair and I shook myself in annoyance. What was wrong with me? Now I made him feel bad just because of my own embarrassment.

"I did want to do it. I just...I came in my pants," I blurted, not looking at him.

"Shit, seriously?" His grin was back and again his arm snaked around me and pulled me closer. "That's so fucking hot."

"No, it's fucking sticky," I grimaced, joking to cover my discomfort.

"You could bathe," he suggested.

"In there?" I glanced at the lake, its surface smooth and glassy, but completely black. "Nuh uh."

"I go in there all the time."

"At night?"

"Well, no..."

"Well, I'm not going in there then," I said firmly.

Jasper laughed and grasped my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. It felt so right, I thought; so normal, almost as if this was something I did every day. Sitting holding hands with a boy. I had never expected I would feel like this when I eventually met someone; _if_ I met someone. I'd imagined me being tongue-tied as usual, scared of messing everything up, unable to communicate properly or relax at all, but it wasn't like that at all. Jasper was so easy to be with and he made me feel at ease with myself.

"What are you thinking?" he asked suddenly.

"Just that...this seems so..."

"Right?"

"Yes."

"I only met you a few days ago, but I feel like I've known you forever," Jasper said.

"I know," I agreed.

"I was arguing with myself for a while before I came out to meet you," he confessed then. "Telling myself it was a bad idea."

"Why?" I glanced at him, hurt, wondering if he meant because of his father.

"You're only here two more weeks. If we end up feeling something for each other, it'll be shit when you leave," he said.

I gasped a little and licked my lips. "I thought you meant...if your father found out..."

"I did think of that too, but in the end I guess I wanted to see you more than I was worried."

"Are you sure you want to take the risk?" I asked. "Of being found out."

"Yes," he said firmly. "If you do. Maybe we can keep in touch when you leave. I mean, you already swapped email addresses with Beth; I might be jealous if you talk to her and not me."

"Sure you would." I elbowed him playfully and he leaned over and kissed my cheek again.

"I should warn you, we're not gonna be able to ride tomorrow. You could maybe go out with your parents instead. It's just that the new guests are arriving so I'll be tied up around the ranch."

"Ok." I was immediately disappointed, but at the same time I would quite enjoy showing Mom and Dad how well I was doing with my riding after such a short time. "Won't you have to ride with some of them on other days?"

"No, they're all decent riders, apparently. They'll go out with some of the other guys in large groups. The bachelor party guys will probably be a bit of a nightmare, but they'll have Dad to answer to. I'll be back with you Tuesday morning."

We sat there talking, learning more about each other's lives as the night passed slowly, the moon moving gradually across the sky. I stared up at the myriad stars overhead, fascinated by the huge expanse of empty sky, picking out familiar constellations where I could.

"We get shooting stars all the time," Jasper said eventually. "I wish on them sometimes. Wish that someone will take me away from here one day."

"I do too," I murmured. "I mean, not that someone will take me away, but...other stuff."

"What was the last wish you made?"

_'I wish...I would find a boy to love me.'_

"I can't actually remember," I lied. "I don't see them very often. I don't really believe they come true, though."

"Hell, don't say that, Edward, or I'm gonna have to stay here until I'm ninety and I have a dozen grandchildren and great-grandchildren and what I really want will only ever be a dream."

"I guess I could...procure a white horse from somewhere and ride up to rescue you and take you away," I joked, trying to lighten things again.

"I wish you would." He sighed heavily and then scrambled to his feet and pulled me up. "Come on, we need to get back. We've been out here much longer than I thought; I have about two hours before I need to get up and start working."

"Shit, you'll be exhausted." I brushed my pants down and we walked over to the horses.

"I'll be ok; I do this often enough to be used to it. I'll catch up tomorrow night. You ok mounting?"

"Yes, thanks."

Our adventure was almost over and as we began to gallop back towards the ranch, I wondered if we would be able to do this again before I left. Would Jasper want to? He seemed to think it was worth risking the wrath of his father and being sad when we parted in two weeks; did he mean he wanted to spend those two weeks alone with me whenever we got the chance?

"Edward, pull up!" he called out suddenly and I tugged on Harriet's reins, slowing her to a trot. "We're almost there, we need to be quiet now."

"Ok." We had ridden faster than we had on the way out and now we slowed to a walk to cover the last half mile so as not to be heard by anyone on the ranch. We unsaddled the horses and released them into the paddock, leaving the saddles where Jasper had put them earlier.

"I'll be out here before anyone else to put them away," he said. "It's almost dawn, you better get back to your cabin. I'll see you at breakfast."

There was no goodbye kiss and although I was disappointed not to feel his lips on mine again, I guessed it was only because we were running out of time and that we were too close to the house for comfort. I slipped away and made my way back to the cabin, thankful that the door didn't creak when I opened it and tiptoed inside, holding my breath. There was no sound from my parents' room and I made it to mine without incident, heaving a sigh of relief as I closed the door. I undressed quietly, cringing over the state of my underwear and hiding them in a pocket inside my suitcase. I cleaned up as best I could with some tissues dampened from the glass of water I'd left beside the bed that morning and then slipped between the sheets, suddenly exhausted and longing for at least an hour or two of sleep.

It barely seemed like five minutes before Mom was knocking on the door to wake me and I opened my eyes with a groan. Sunlight was streaming in through the window and I hauled myself up and went to take a shower. Looking at myself in the mirror afterwards, I noted the purple hue beneath my eyes, but also the sparkle in the green orbs. I pressed my fingers to my lips, noting they felt a little tender and remembering the heated kisses I had shared with Jasper. The first one had been so gentle, almost experimental, and then we had explored each other's mouths, held each other; I had touched him. I hadn't expected that to happen, certainly not so fast, and it had been amazing.

My erection bumped against the sink in front of me and I automatically wrapped my hand around it. I was going to have to take care of it before I went to the house for breakfast and I turned the tap on to disguise any sound and sat down on the toilet lid, stroking myself slowly. I closed my eyes and imagined myself back by the lake with Jasper; thought about what might have happened if I hadn't come in my pants. He had wanted to touch me and I pictured myself lying back on the parched grass, Jasper's fingers deftly unfastening my pants and tugging my cock out of my underwear, running his hand up and down the length, teasing the tip with his thumb the way I had done.

I pumped myself faster, watching Jasper's tanned fingers behind my eyelids as they stroked me, his other hand cupping my balls and squeezing gently, rolling them around in his palm and nudging against my perineum with a fingertip.

"Oh, holy fucking hell," I whispered as I came hard into the wad of toilet paper I had grabbed up at the last moment. I wiped myself clean, panting quietly and flushed away the evidence before rising on shaky legs and beginning to dress. I couldn't wait to be alone with him again.

I expected breakfast to be somewhat awkward as I tried to remember how I normally acted around everyone, hoping I wasn't obviously different. Other than briefly greeting Jasper, I tried not to look at him and he was busy anyway, helping Marcie bring dishes of food to the table, discussing the new arrivals with his father so I talked to Mom, explaining that Jasper was busy and that I would join her and Dad that day, with whichever rancher was guiding them.

"You really seem to be enjoying this," Dad commented.

"I am. Wait until you see me gallop," I boasted.

"Galloping? Are you sure you're ok with that?" Mom asked.

"Absolutely. Harriet's awesome, I feel pretty safe. Jasper's a good teacher."

"Better than me," said Dad.

"I was a little kid then; I was too scared to learn anything."

"Well, we'd love to have you ride with us. We've barely seen you since we arrived apart from in the evenings," Mom told me.

"That was the point," Dad reminded her. "It's good to see you making new friends, Edward."

Thirty minutes later, we returned to the cabin to collect hats and gloves and then headed down to the barn. I missed Jasper already, I realised, knowing I was going to ride without him for the first time since we got here. A rancher, whom Mom introduced as Bob, was waiting for us with my parents' horses, a large black animal which was apparently his own and a smaller sorrel mount which I realised was intended for me. Ordinarily I would have just done as I was told without question, too worried about either upsetting someone or getting in trouble, but somehow my attitude had begun to change in just a few days, my confidence increased by my friendship with Jasper and even my ability to talk to Beth before she left.

"Where's Harriet?" I asked.

"She ain't ready. You can take the sorrel," the rancher grunted.

"I'm sure it's fine," Mom said.

"Well, I'd prefer to ride Harriet. I'll get her ready myself," I said firmly.

"It won't hurt to try a different horse," Dad commented while Bob huffed and folded his arms.

"Dad, you're always telling me to stand up for myself and say what I think, so I'm saying what I think. I am going to ride Harriet, so if it's alright with you, I'll go saddle her up. I won't keep you waiting long."

Mom bit her lip and Bob let out a long sigh, but I noticed a broad grin appear on Dad's face as he nodded at me and I strode off quickly into the barn. Harriet was in her stall as usual, her saddle exactly where it always was and I grabbed a brush and set to work, giving her a brisk rub down before saddling her up. I was a little concerned that she might be too tired after the active night, but she stood contented and alert until I was done and I was sure Jasper would have told me if I shouldn't ride her again so soon. Mom and Dad were now mounted up when I joined them and I checked the cinch one last time and swung myself up into the saddle. Bob led the sorrel back into the barn and returned quickly to his own horse. As we rode slowly out of the yard, I spotted Jasper and he caught my eye, giving me a quick thumbs up and a smile before he disappeared from view.

"Well done, son," Dad said quietly as he rode up next to me.

"What for?"

"Asserting yourself. Your mother and I hoped this trip might help you come out of yourself."

"Well, thanks for bringing me," I replied. "I'm sure you know I wasn't too keen on the idea to start with. I'm really enjoying it now though."

"It's a shame that young girl, Beth, had to leave so soon," he commented and I felt myself redden slightly as I immediately thought of my night with Jasper, every moment of it still so vivid in my mind.

"Yes, it is. We're going to keep in touch with email though."

"I think you're going to get along fine in college," Dad smiled.

"I think so too."

Dad was proud of me now, I thought, over something so small and simple as me insisting I rode the horse of my choice. Would he still be proud when I told him I was gay? Would he still support and encourage me the way he was now? I had always thought my parents would probably accept me, even if it took them a little time. I would tell them, I thought; when we got home rather than at the last minute before I left for college. It was time I let them know who I really was.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

**Edward's POV**

'Jasper kissed me!'

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it all day. I enjoyed riding with Mom and Dad, but he was constantly on my mind as I wondered what he was doing. We had barely had chance to speak to each other at supper as Cassie had decided to move herself to the empty seat the other side of him and monopolised him for the duration of the meal. I had forgotten she and her sister still had another week before they left and I hoped her presence wasn't going to spoil things for me. Now I was back in my room in the cabin, yawning widely every few minutes as the lack of sleep the previous night caught up with me, but I wasn't too tired to chat to Ben.

'He's gay?' he typed now in response to my statement.

'Yes.'

'How did that come out, pardon the pun?'

'Long story. There was a dance Friday night and this girl who was on vacation here, Beth, tried to kiss me.'

'Turning bi, Ed?'

'Funny. I freaked and ran off. Next day Jasper kept pushing me about girls and in the end I just yelled out that I'm gay.'

'So you said it first? Awesome! And then he kissed you?'

'We went on a midnight ride,' I typed smugly.

'And? Anything else to report?'

'No,' I lied. I didn't feel right about telling Ben all the details, even though he had told me things he did with his boyfriend. 'But it was amazing,' I added.

'Nice! Told you, didn't I? Just wait - you'll be getting a different kind of riding lesson before you go home!'

My face flamed as I stared at the small screen of my iPhone, an image in my head of Jasper and me by the lake, him lying on his back in the grass and me kneeling astride him. Immediately my cock swelled in my pants and I rolled my hips slightly, rubbing myself against the firm mattress I lay on. I doubted that would happen, but I knew he wanted to touch me and even though I was still nervous about it, I couldn't wait to be alone with him again.

'Ed? You still there?' The words popped up on the screen, bringing me out of my daydream.

'Sorry, I have to go. Can't keep awake,' I replied.

'Not surprised!' Ben added an emoticon rolling on its side laughing and another with hearts exploding from its eyes. 'Talk soon. Have fun with Cowboy Jasper.'

I wasn't sure if I would sleep that night, despite my exhaustion, but when I woke in the morning I found myself lying on top of the bed covers, still in my clothes and guessed I had simply slipped away without even realising it. I showered and dressed quickly and then headed over to the house with my parents for breakfast.

Jasper was just placing a large jug of coffee on the table when I sat down and our eyes met briefly. His were bright and sparkling and his lips twitched up into a smile before he turned away quickly to fetch a dish of pancakes and then returned to sit next to me. The room was noisy with chatter and I glanced around, noting seven guys in their early twenties at one end of the table - clearly the bachelor party. A new family was also seated around the table; apparently parents with four children of varying ages.

"We're not gonna be alone today," Jasper whispered, so quietly I barely heard him. He was clearly using the noise around us to cover what he said and my heart sank at his words. "I'm sorry. We got Cassie and Frankie with us."

"It's ok," I whispered back, although my heart plummeted further. Cassie would be all over Jasper and I would most likely have to spend my day watching them and talking to the younger girl.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said again.

"Jasper!" Cassie strode up to the table and threw herself into the chair the other side of him. Her hair was loose and she combed her fingers through it, tossing it this way and that in her efforts to get his attention.

"Hey, Cass...looking forward to...our ride today?" he said suggestively, quirking an eyebrow.

"I can't wait."

"It'll be the last one, I think, so we better make the most of it."

Cringing, I turned away and talked to Mom as she piled bacon and eggs onto my plate. "Are you alright, Edward?" she asked me.

"Yes, thanks. I think I'll have some coffee." I reached for the jug and poured.

"What are your plans today?" she asked then. "Want to ride with us again, or are you going with the young people?"

I was almost tempted to say I would go with my parents, just so that I wouldn't have to watch Cassie fawning over Jasper all day and him flirting back, but then a thought occurred to me. He was _gay_, just like me. We had kissed; I had touched him. He came because of me and had said he wanted to touch me too. He was playing up to Cassie to make sure no one saw who he really was, but as much as he might fool around and tease her, it was me he had taken on a midnight ride. Cassie could do whatever she liked and I could quietly feel smug that he didn't like her the way he liked me.

"I'm going with Jasper and the girls," I said firmly.

After breakfast, I headed straight to the barn to brush and saddle Harriet. Cassie and Frankie had gone back to their cabin to get themselves ready. They didn't actually do anything other than ride, expecting the horses to be ready for them to mount, and I doubted I would see them again for half an hour until we met up in the yard. Jasper appeared within a few minutes and stepped into Harriet's stall.

"I really wanted it to be just us," he said. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"It's ok," I repeated.

"And I'm sorry about the way I'm acting with her..."

"I know why you have to."

"I hate this," he groaned. "I really want to kiss you right now."

"I do too," I said with a smile.

"I might be able to get out after supper for an hour or so. Can I text you?"

"Sure." I pulled out my iPhone and he took out a rather battered looking Nokia so that we could exchange numbers.

"I'll text you tonight; even if I can't get out," he said.

"Ok."

He left me then and went to saddle Sandy. I finished getting Harriet ready and led her into the yard, then mounted up while I waited for the others and watched the goings on around me. The bachelors were riding out with Mick and the rancher who had accompanied me and my parents the day before. They were all laughing and joking raucously and two of them looked as if they'd never been on a horse in their lives.

The day wasn't as bad as I expected. I was disappointed that I couldn't just be with Jasper, and Cassie irritated me with her affected giggling and flouncing, even on the back of a horse, but I found Frankie to be great company. She had just turned sixteen and showed no interest in me whatsoever. After a few minutes of initial shyness when she talked even less than I did, she began to open up and rattled on endlessly about where she lived, school, her friends, a boy she liked and all manner of things until I found myself talking almost as much. Cassie virtually ignored us, although Jasper made efforts to draw us both into the conversation when we stopped for lunch and ate the sandwiches Marcie had packed up for us. Afterwards while Frankie and I were mounting our horses, Cassie took the opportunity to try to kiss Jasper, but he deflected it with teasing words and smiles, springing onto Sandy's back and out of reach.

When the riding was over, there was still supper to get through later, but I continued talking to Frankie across the table until it was done and then returned to the cabin, sitting with my parents and talking about our day while my phone burned a hole in my pants pocket, the vibrate function on and the sound off as I waited for Jasper to text me. It was almost nine o'clock before I received a message and I pulled my phone out idly, hoping I didn't look as excited as I felt.

'Can you meet me in Harriet's stall in fifteen minutes? J.'

'Yes, see you there,' I answered, biting my lip to suppress a smile.

"Message?" Dad asked.

"Just...uh...my internet friend," I lied, feeling a pang of guilt. I put the phone back into my pocket and spent another five minutes with them while my heart raced in anticipation.

"You really seem to be enjoying being here now," Mom commented. "Did you like riding with those girls?"

"Yes, Frankie's really nice," I said. "Like a little sister."

"It's nice to see you opening up more and getting to know people. You look so much better, too, it must be all the fresh air and exercise."

"I'm getting to like the outdoors," I admitted. "Actually I think I might go for a walk before I go to bed. It's a bit cooler out there now."

"Want some company?" Dad offered.

"Um..."

"Leave him be, Carlisle. Maybe I want some company," Mom said in a low voice and I got up hastily. My parents had never made any secret about how much in love they still were after twenty years of marriage, but sometimes I really didn't want to know.

"See you later," I muttered and let myself out quickly. At least now I had a good excuse to stay out for a while without them wondering why. I took a look around to make sure I wasn't being observed by anyone else and then skirted the area of cabins, passing closest to the large one occupied by the bachelors, who were laughing and talking loudly with their windows open. In another minute I was in the barn, slipping into Harriet's stall. She was in the paddock of course, and the enclosure was filled with fresh straw. I stood in a corner in the shadows, trying not to breathe, my heart hammering noisily in my chest until the half door swung open again and Jasper came in.

"Hey." He came to stand close to me, his arm brushing against mine. "I'm sorry about today. Cassie was driving me nuts."

"It doesn't matter."

"It's the last time anyway, it'll be just us tomorrow. Did you get out ok?"

"Yes, my parents were commenting on how healthy I look with all the fresh air so I said I was going to get some more and take a walk. Isn't this risky for you though?"

"Not today. Dad and Marcie are...having an early night." He grimaced with distaste.

"Don't; Mom was hinting at the same thing. At least they won't complain if I'm not back in five minutes." I shuddered and laughed softly.

"Let's sit down." He grasped my hand and drew me down onto the straw in a corner. With our backs resting against the side of the stall and legs stretched out in front of us, Jasper laid his hand on his thigh with mine held firmly in it. "I never thought I'd be able to do this," he said. "At least not here."

"I didn't either," I admitted. "My friend online was teasing me before this trip about maybe meeting a...cowboy."

"Did you tell him you found one?"

"Yes, I mentioned it."

"I only got a mention?" Jasper grinned, elbowing me. "Not that memorable then?"

"I didn't want to talk about...that..."

"You mean the other day?"

"Uh huh." I could feel my face warming and my pounding heart quickened its pace, my palms beginning to sweat. I pulled my hand free of Jasper's and tucked it under my leg to wipe it on my pants without him noticing. I was more nervous than I had been before, I realised. He had wanted to touch me and I had been thinking about it ever since, but now my small amount of new-found confidence seemed to have deserted me and my cock was lying limp between my thighs, even as Jasper leaned closer and brushed his lips over my cheek.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Would you rather not be here?"

"No!" I exclaimed and then bit my lip and lowered my voice. "I'm just...I'm still...nervous," I admitted.

"I am too," he said softly. "I won't do anything you don't want."

"You're nervous?" I echoed.

"You know I've never done any of this either. I've only known you a week, but I like you; I really like you and I'm torn between making the most of the time we have and not messing up by rushing anything."

"I really like you too," I whispered. I more than liked him. In him I saw everything that I imagined when I had conjured up my ideal boy in my head. He was gorgeous, sexy, gentle, understanding and funny and above all I could talk to him. I actually didn't feel silly telling him I was nervous and now his words thrilled me. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me again and I turned towards him, lifting my hand to touch his face. His skin was smooth and clean-shaven for once and he turned his head to nuzzle my palm for a moment. Then his arms came around me and our lips met, without the tentativeness of our first kiss, but eagerly; firmly. I quickly wondered what I had been worrying about as we clung to each other, lips caressing, tongues exploring, noses bumping occasionally as we changed the angle of the kiss repeatedly in our efforts to taste more of each other. I had one arm around his neck, my fingers combing through his hair and he was running a hand up and down my back, eventually slipping it beneath my shirt to touch my skin. His lips left mine and I heard myself panting for breath as his nibbled the lobe of my ear and worked his way lower to my collarbone, fingers toying with the top button of my shirt.

"Edward?" he murmured questioningly against my skin.

I wanted him to touch me; I remembered how he had tugged at my nipple before, turning it into a hard, sensitive nub; how he had wanted to do what I had done, but I had to admit it was too late.

"Yes..." I answered.

He unfastened one button and then another. "This is ok?"

"Yes."

In a few more seconds my shirt was open and his fingers were running lightly over my chest, quickly finding one nipple and flicking it gently. I moaned softly as his lips brushed my throat and then moved slowly downwards towards his hand, eventually reaching the now hard nibble and kissing it. He caught it gently between his teeth and pulled, then circled it with his tongue, his hand seeking out the other one to give it some attention. I let out another strangled groan and leaned back further, clutching at Jasper's shoulders as he bent over me. My heart was racing and blood rushed to my groin, my cock filling and straining achingly at the front of my pants. Jasper's arm nudged it as he moved and he raised his head from my chest and looked down, then slowly began to stroke his hand lower towards my belt. He stopped there, his fingers caressing my belly and making the muscles jump and quiver and my erection throb impatiently and I guessed he wasn't going to go any further without some encouragement. I lay there, my chest heaving with my efforts to breathe, one hand gripping the back of his neck firmly and the other clenched at my side as I tried to summon up the courage to make the next move. He wanted to touch me, I reminded myself. I'd had his cock in my hand just two days before and he had come because of me touching him. Letting him know I wanted the same thing wasn't going to send him running back to the house in horror.

I lifted my hand from the straw determinedly and placed it over his, pushing it lower until it rested over my erection and as his palm cupped me through my clothes, both of us groaned simultaneously. I removed my hand again and squinted in the darkness, watching as Jasper slowly unbuckled my belt and lowered my zipper. I could hear myself panting and I consciously slowed my breathing, sucking in big gulps of air and letting them out carefully before I disgraced myself again by erupting before he even got me out of my underwear. I was wearing jersey boxer briefs and I could feel the dampness of the fabric where it clung around the head of my cock. Then Jasper's hand was there again, dipping into them and pulling me free, long fingers curling around my shaft and just holding me. I shuddered and resisted the urge to thrust myself against his hand.

"Wow," he whispered suddenly and chuckled. "Did you feel nervous doing this to me the other day?"

"Terrified," I admitted.

"I wish it wasn't so dark; I want to see everything." His hand began to move slowly, sliding up and down my length, his thumb rubbing over my tip and spreading pre-cum as it seeped from me. "You feel so good; so warm and hard."

"Shit," I muttered. His words weren't helping me keep control any more than his touch and I closed my eyes, trying to think of something else to prolong it for at least a minute or two, but failing miserably as his grip tightened a little and he leaned closer again, his lips lightly moving over mine.

"You're beautiful, Edward."

I moaned helplessly, my whole body trembling, my efforts to control myself no longer having any effect. I gasped and panted, my balls tight, my cock throbbing urgently in Jasper's hand as my orgasm crashed through me and I felt warm spatters of my fluid land on my belly. He stroked me through it, his grip loosening until I was begging him to stop, laughing and shaking as everything became too sensitive for me to bear it.

"Sorry," I heard myself say. "I didn't want to be so...quick."

"I think you lasted longer than me the other day." He released me and a moment later he was wiping me with a handful of tissues he had pulled out of his pocket. "Came prepared," he said sheepishly.

I snorted quietly and tucked myself back into my underwear. "Do you want me to...?"

"God, yes," Jasper answered immediately. "I'm so hard it hurts. Almost thought I was gonna lose it."

"I hope you have some more of those tissues, then," I teased.

"A few." He unfastened his jeans quickly and his erection slipped out of the opening at once and jutted towards me. He wasn't wearing underwear and my spent cock twitched slightly at the realisation. I took him in my hand without hesitation this time and teased him, tracing the shape of the head and stroking lightly over the slit until pre-cum oozed onto my fingers and he let out a groan of frustration. He raised himself up slightly and pulled his t-shirt off over his head, then lay back again, panting softly. I changed my position to bring me closer to him, wanting to touch more of him. I stroked his cock lightly and began running my other hand over his chest, tracing the shape of his pecs the way I had by the lake, enjoying the feel of his warm, smooth skin, the firm muscle, his heartbeat, fast and erratic under my palm.

"God, Edward," he moaned, his body squirming in the straw, hips pushing up rhythmically to gently thrust himself into my fist, encouraging me to grip tighter and quicken my pace. He was close and I obliged, jerking him off more firmly while my other hand continued exploring his abs and then the firm, flat belly, finally cupping his balls and squeezing just as he began to come, shooting his load over my hand and onto his stomach. I released him slowly and slid my other hand into the pocket of his jeans to find the remaining tissues, cleaning him up before I wiped my own hand.

"That was so good," Jasper said, still breathless as he fastened his jeans again and drew me down against him, wrapping both arms tightly around me. "Maybe we can go back to the lake again tomorrow; what do you think?"

"I'd love to," I said at once.

"Could I can tempt you to bathe this time? There's nothing in there except maybe a few frogs," he added.

"How deep is it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, it's deeper than my height in the middle. Can you swim?"

"More or less. I wouldn't drown; I'm not the most graceful of swimmers though," I said ruefully, remembering the last time I swam at school, throwing up water in every direction and being teased by some of the other kids for my lack of co-ordination and finesse.

"Nor am I; mostly I just float. We'll set off right after breakfast."

We stayed there in Harriet's stall for perhaps another hour before Jasper reluctantly sat up and moved away from me. "We better get some sleep, otherwise we'll be too tired to enjoy tomorrow," he said with a grin. "Hopefully our folks have finished with...whatever they're doing."

"Ugh." I got to my feet and brushed straw from my clothes, quickly fastening my shirt and checking the buttons were done up correctly in case Mom and Dad were around when I returned to the cabin. Jasper gave me one last kiss, cupping my face in his hands and caressing my lips warmly with his own; then he was gone and I was alone. I closed the stall door quietly and made my way back to the cabins. Ours was in darkness and Mom and Dad had clearly retired for the night, so I tiptoed inside, hoping they weren't listening for me and checking the time. I was supposedly taking a stroll and I'd been gone almost ninety minutes.

The next morning, my parents didn't even mention the fact that I'd gone out. They appeared bright-eyed and laughing, telling me their plans for riding that day and asking about my own and it was clear they hadn't even noticed how long I'd been out. I waited impatiently for them to get ready for breakfast and then led the way over to the house, eager to see Jasper and begin our day together.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

**Edward's POV**

As soon as breakfast was done I accompanied Jasper to the barn to get the horses ready, followed by Cassie who complained loudly that her family's vacation was almost over and she wanted to spend another day with Jasper. I almost thought he would agree to it and my heart began to sink, until he promised to dance with her for most of the evening on Friday to make up for it. She reluctantly backed down and watched as we led the horses into the yard and mounted up. One of the ranchers was waiting with her parents and Frankie and she joined them, pouting slightly but appeased at least by the promise of dancing.

It took us around ninety minutes to reach the lake, alternating short bursts of speed with walking to ensure the horses didn't overheat in the sun, which was already high in the sky. I had grown more used to it now and was wearing a t-shirt rather than my customary long sleeves, although my arms were covered in sun protection and I still wore the hat to prevent my face burning. When we arrived at the water's edge, Jasper spread out the rug he had strapped to the back of Sandy's saddle and then tethered the animals in the shade of the trees. We sat down together, suddenly a little awkward with each other despite our growing closeness. We had chatted for most of the ride, but now conversation dried up and I pulled out my phone to take a photo of the water sparkling in the sun, surrounded by dried grasses, dusty ground and bright blue sky. Turning the other way, I took a few snaps of Harriet and Sandy, longing for one of Jasper, but not having the courage to ask until he brought the subject up instead.

"Edward, can I have a photo of you?"

"Uh...well...I'm not very photogenic," I said, my face warming. I hated being photographed and always avoided it at all costs.

"Please? I like looking at you. What am I gonna do when you go home, huh?"

"Alright."

"The camera on my phone is crap; maybe I could take one with yours and you can send it to me or something?"

"I could email it," I agreed. "One condition. I get one of you too."

"Sure. I don't mind modelling," Jasper grinned. "How do you want me?"

"Um...just...sit there and tip your hat back a little; your face is in the shade." I backed away and he remained sitting in the middle of the rug, legs stretched out in front of him. He tilted the hat back and leaned on both hands, smiling up at me as I opened the camera function. His shirt was unfastened about half way and I could see the paler flesh which didn't come into contact with the sun. His faded blue jeans were stretched tight around his firm thighs and my eyes drifted to the crotch area, noting the unmistakable bulge there before I quickly looked away and focused my attention on taking a picture.

Jasper looked so good; he was gorgeous, sexy and he liked me and my jeans were already growing uncomfortably tight. We hadn't even kissed or held hands yet, but our hour in the barn the previous evening was in my head and I couldn't help wondering what would happen today. Would he want us to touch each other again? Lie on the rug and hold each other tight? Swim together? I crouched uncomfortably, hoping to disguise my growing excitement and before I knew it, I had taken several pictures of him, wanting to make the most of the opportunity.

"That was more than one," he said suddenly, eyes sparkling.

"Sorry."

"My turn." He straightened up and leaned forward to take the phone from me and I sat down awkwardly, folding my legs in front of me although I noticed Jasper's eyes had dropped to my lower body and guessed he had noticed my predicament.

"I really don't like being photographed," I muttered.

"It's just for me, Edward. You can take some more when I'm done, if you want."

"Ok." I rested my arms on my legs and did my best to smile, guessing it probably looked more like a grimace.

"Look at me," Jasper encouraged. "Look in my eyes. Imagine like I'm about to lean over and kiss you."

I did as he asked, still uncomfortable, but he clearly got the picture he wanted. The phone clicked several times before he gave it back to me and then he was unfastening his shirt, tossing it aside and grinning again.

"Thought you might want to see some flesh...since I'm so hot an' all," he said cockily.

"You love yourself," I blurted.

"I just love you..."

My teeth sank into my lip and my breath caught in my throat with shock as I heard those words, until I realised he hadn't finished the sentence.

"...looking at me."

Of course he didn't love me, I told myself. The idea was ridiculous. We'd known each other ten days and done nothing other than exchange a few kisses and touch each other. I pulled myself together and took another picture. He was hard now; it was obvious, the shape of his cock visible to one side of his zipper and I squirmed in discomfort as my own strained against the front of my pants.

"Shit, this is turning me on too much," Jasper grimaced suddenly. "You gawking like that."

"Me too," I admitted, taking one more picture before I put the phone down.

"Come here. I can't wait any longer to kiss you."

I moved to his side and immediately his hand touched my face and guided my lips to his. He kissed me firmly, hungrily, his tongue plunging into my mouth the moment my lips parted and I melted against him, quickly finding myself lying on the rug, my hat gone, Jasper leaning over me with one hand on my chest pinning me beneath him. I slid my arms around him, removing his own hat and running my fingers through his hair. I heard a deep and muffled moan and was unsure whether it came from me or him. I had been aroused before, just from looking at him, but now my cock was throbbing urgently in my pants, leaking pre-cum into my underwear and I could feel the hard ridge of Jasper's erection against my thigh. I ran my hands down his back, caressing the warm skin, trembling slightly as one of his hands made its way down my side to my hip and then to my butt, squeezing and pulling me in tighter against him.

He drew his lips away from mine after another moment, panting heavily and I sucked in lungfuls of air as I looked up into his eyes. His pupils were blown, his tanned face flushed with arousal.

"I want to touch you," he said softly.

"I do too."

"Let's get undressed."

"Here?" I said anxiously. What if someone should ride by and see us, I wondered? What if he didn't like what he saw?

"No one will see us. I want to feel you...against me." Jasper groaned and lowered his face towards my neck, nibbling gently at my flesh. "I want to touch all of you." He moved away and sat up, pulling off his boots. "We're going to bathe anyway, aren't we?"

"I guess."

"You don't have to."

"Maybe I want to." I sat up too, shaking off my nervousness and with a deep breath, I grasped the bottom of my t-shirt and pulled it up and off, dropping it on top of Jasper's shirt. He was on his feet now, unzipping his jeans, pushing them down and removing them along with his socks. He lowered himself to his knees again beside me, clad only in grey cotton shorts which did nothing to disguise the extent of his excitement. A wet patch had formed around the head of his cock, which was tenting the soft fabric obscenely. My hands shook as I fumbled with the top button of my jeans and then Jasper's hands covered them and pulled them away.

"Let me."

Instead I toed off my boots and then lay back on the rug again, clenching my fists at my sides to stop the trembling. No one had seen me naked except my parents when I was a child and I was more worried about what he would think than what might happen between us. I watched through half closed eyes as he slipped the button free and slowly pulled my zipper down, his knuckles brushing against my erection as it pushed through the opening, still restrained by my plain white underwear. He gripped the sides of my jeans and I lifted my butt from the ground as he tugged at them. Then suddenly I was lying there in only my shorts and I rolled onto my side, self-conscious over being so exposed in my aroused state. Glancing up at Jasper through my lowered lashes, I could see his thumbs slide into the waistband of his underwear as if he were about to shed that last garment, but then he left them on and lay down instead. He slid an arm around my waist and pressed close to me, bringing our bodies against each other and brushing his lips lightly over mine.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah...I just...nobody's ever seen me like this."

"Me neither," Jasper said. "Not in this condition." His lips twitched up at the corners into a smirk and he lowered his hand between us to adjust himself in his shorts, bumping against me again as he did so. My cock throbbed inside my underwear, straining to push into his hand or against his body and I let out a helpless whimper before I could bite my lip. Jasper turned his hand around slowly and cupped my length as he planted another soft kiss on my lips. I lifted my hand to his neck, tugging him closer when he might have pulled away and deepening the kiss, teasing his lower lip with my tongue and slipping it into his mouth when it opened for me. He moaned into my mouth, his tongue meeting mine while his hand moved around my back and then to my butt, out clothed cocks bumping against each other. I lifted my leg and draped it over him again and his body began to rock gently against mine, rubbing his erection against my own until I had to break the kiss again in order to breathe.

"Jasper..." I panted and his name sounded like a whine on my lips.

"I know. Just let me..." He didn't finished the sentence, but instead rolled me onto my back and sat up, quickly pulling my shorts down and off. My erection slapped onto my belly as it was released and I resisted the urge to cover it with my hands. I could feel myself blushing and I almost closed my eyes again as Jasper shed his own underwear and then lowered himself over me, one knee between mine and his forearms resting either side of my head to support his weight. We moved against each other awkwardly and my hands hovered at my sides for a moment before I placed them on his lower back. He stiffened slightly and I cursed myself for touching the almost invisible scar again, but he relaxed in an instant and covered my mouth with his in a heated kiss. His tongue plunged into my mouth and he held still above me, his erection hard against my hip and leaking onto my skin. I slid my other leg out from beneath him instinctively and he shifted his own until both of his thighs rested between mine and our cocks bumped together. It was Jasper who pulled his lips from mine this time, gasping for breath as he tucked his face into my neck.

"Christ, Edward..." he panted. "You feel so good. I love touching you." He wasn't touching me with his hands, but the rest of his body was in contact with mine and as he began to gyrate his hips, thrusting himself against me, I took one hand from his back and slipped it between us, boldly wrapping my fingers around both of our cocks to enable them to rub more firmly against each other as he moved. I was close to orgasm and from his trembling body and loud panting, it was clear he was too. Both of us were leaking copiously, the slick wetness aiding us in sliding together and I gripped a little tighter, my whole body shaking as I released suddenly between us, the fluid painting both of our bellies and coating my hand. I rolled my head back with a groan and then Jasper was coming too, grinding himself harder against me and shooting his load in long spurts, adding to the sticky mess on our bodies and my hand. He stopped moving, lying gasping above me as I pulled my hand out from under him and wiped it on the rug.

It was difficult to believe that this was me, I thought. Just two weeks ago I had dreaded this trip and now I was doing something I never thought I would get to do, at least not in the foreseeable future. This beautiful boy above me wanted me and it sent thrills through me, making my heart race until it was banging against my ribs as if to break out of my body. I was falling for him and even though I knew it was going to hurt like hell to go home, I wanted to make the most of every minute. I wrapped both arms tightly around him and hugged him, pressing my face against his shoulder and trying to blink away the prickle in my eyes. Jasper was slowly helping me turn into the person I wanted to be and I didn't want it to come to an end.

"Hey..." Jasper's thumb brushed over my cheek and I was suddenly mortified when it captured a tear. "Edward..." He rolled off of me, bringing me with him so that we lay facing each other again, his arms folding around me. His lips touched my cheek and then moved away. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry..."

"No," I said quickly. "You didn't. I'm just being...stupid." I kept my eyes lowered, embarrassed to meet his and blinking rapidly. Why the hell did I have to cry? Mercifully the single tear had dried up, but I still felt uncomfortable.

"Talk to me," Jasper murmured.

"It's nothing." I sighed heavily and forced my eyes up to meet his. "I don't want this to end, that's all."

"I don't either. I'm gonna hate saying goodbye to you. I want more, but it feels like there isn't enough time."

"There's still..." I calculated quickly in my head. "...ten days."

"I've never done this," he said, even though I already knew that. "Have you ever thought about what your first time would be like?"

"Not often," I admitted. "I thought it was probably so far off that there was no point thinking about it; and then when I did I imagined it being sort of awkward and embarrassing with some guy who knew everything already. What about you?"

"I guess I imagined I'd meet somebody like me; somebody who didn't know anything, so we could learn together," Jasper said meaningfully. His eyes burned into mine and I knew I was blushing vividly again. My mind was racing as I began to think more seriously about actually having sex. I could go away to college, meet someone just as I had thought, someone who knew what they were doing who would make me feel like a failure. Even if they were understanding about it, I would feel embarrassed about the whole thing and at that moment I couldn't imagine even wanting to so much as kiss anyone else other than Jasper.

"I want my first time to be with you," I blurted and then squeezed my eyes shut in horror. I hadn't meant to actually say it and I held my breath as I waited for Jasper to make some excuse or pull away from me and grab for his clothes, even though every look he gave me and every time he touched me said he wouldn't do that.

"I want that too," he murmured. "Are you sure though?"

I opened my eyes again as relief washed over me. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Me too," he agreed again. "Are you a...um...a top or a bottom?"

I laughed. I figured it was probably nerves, but the question seemed so amusing that I just giggled and then laughed out loud until Jasper was chuckling along with me.

"I'm not really sure what I am," he said eventually. "I think I'd try both."

"I guess I'm a bottom," I replied. When I thought about it, the first image that came into my head was him entering me and I had never been able to think about myself in the dominant position with anyone.

"I have some lube," Jasper told me, much to my surprise. "I got it from a drugstore in Dallas when I went to look at the college. Dad had some business to attend to so I had an hour or so on my own. I just use it for...you know...easing the way..." He made a slight movement with his hand to indicate jerking off and we both laughed some more. Then he pulled away from me and sat up. "We're gonna have to get in that water now to clean up. You want to?"

"Sure."

We got to our feet, both grimacing over the sticky fluid on our skin and Jasper grasped my hand as we reached the water. I almost laughed again as I looked at myself, as naked as the day I was born and in broad daylight, hand in hand with a boy. It seemed like a dream and I was grinning as we walked slowly down the sandy incline into the still water. It was a little murky, but Jasper assured me there was nothing in there except for a few weeds deep down and we waded in until we reach waist deep. The temperature was tepid and I eventually let myself lie back until I floated on the surface, eyes closed with the sun blazing down onto my skin. Jasper did the same and we drifted towards the middle of the small lake, then let our lower bodies sink and trod water.

We floated and splashed around for some time, then made our way back toward the edge until our feet were on the ground again, shoulders out of the water. Jasper moved closer to me and slid both arms around my waist, drawing me against him until I felt his semi-erection bump my hip. I held onto him, my hands on the back of his neck as we kissed, my own cock quickly filling again and nudging his eagerly. We remained in the water until desire urged us to return to the rug and lie down together. The heat quickly dried the dampness from our skin, even in the shade cast by the trees.

"I want to try something," Jasper said a few minutes later. He was lying at my side, his head propped up on one hand, the fingers of the other tracing circles on my chest and his erection twitching against my thigh.

"Ok." I opened my eyes curiously and watched as his head lowered toward my chest, his lips touching my warm skin. I shivered under his touch, his fingers continuing to stroke over my flat belly while his lips moved toward my right nipple, the tip of his tongue teasing it and his teeth gently tugging at the stiffening nub.

"Shit!" I gasped and he laughed softly, capturing my cock in his hand and pumping it slowly while his mouth caressed first one nipple and then the other before making its way south. My eyes had slid closed at some point and I opened them again and held my breath as he worked his way lower. My erection throbbed desperately in his hand and I knew even before he did it that he was going to taste me. My whole body was rigid and trembling when his lips touched the head of my cock and I whimpered helplessly as his tongue emerged and circled the tip.

"Mmm." He glanced up and his eyes met mine suddenly. "Is this ok?"

"Y-yes," I stammered. "I won't last very long."

His mouth returned to my erection, his hand holding it still while his lips pressed light kisses down its length and then back up to the tip, capturing a bead of pre-cum as it oozed from me.

"Oh, God," I moaned. "Jas..." My fists were clenched at my sides and I was still trying to hold my breath, wanting to stop myself losing control. I knew I would do better to breathe slow and deep, but for a moment I seemed to have lost the ability to breathe at all and I simply watched as Jasper's mouth stretched open and drew me in, just an inch or two.

"Fuck!" I hissed. Warm wetness encased me, his tongue lapping at me and I let my breath out in a rush before drawing it back in and squeezing my eyes shut. I was going to lose it in seconds, despite my earlier release and I struggled to hold on, forcing myself to breathe properly, clutching handfuls of the rug either side of me. Jasper's head dropped lower, taking a little more of my length in and I lifted my hips suddenly, desperate to feel more of the wet heat surrounding me. Immediately he gagged and released me and I lay still, my chest heaving and my face burning.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's ok." He cleared his throat and drew me into his mouth again and this time I didn't move, forcing my butt to remain on the ground even when the intense pleasure of his mouth on me became too much and I desperately needed to writhe and buck beneath him.

"Jasper..I'm gonna come," I warned a shamefully short time later. I didn't know if he would want it in his mouth or not, but he stayed where he was, only my tip in his mouth, sucking gently as I erupted for the second time. He coughed slightly as he finally let me go and when I looked up, he was grinning and red-faced, wiping a dribble of my fluid from his chin.

"God, I need more practise," he said. "Was it terrible?"

"Are you kidding? Jesus," I panted. "That felt amazing. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did. What does it taste like?"

"Salty; sort of sour; not awful." He was still upright, sitting cross-legged beside me, his erection quivering against his belly.

"Let me show you what it feels like," I said, urging him to lie down again.

"You don't have to."

"I want to, Jasper," I said firmly.

A minute later I was crouching over him, his erection throbbing in my hand, my eyes anxiously watching his face as I teased him with my tongue. His eyes were closed, his lips parted as he panted for breath, chest rising and falling rapidly. I opened my mouth and experimentally drew a little of his length in, swirling my tongue around it, doing my best to keep my teeth out of the way and sucking on him carefully. He cursed colourfully and clenched his fists the way I had done. I ducked lower, taking more of him in and bobbing my head slowly, moving my hand up and down at the same time.

"Fuck! Holy shit, Edward!" Jasper moaned, his hips bucking up off the rug the way mine had done. I pulled off quickly before he could bump my throat and make me gag and he lowered himself again, muttering an apology, but continuing to squirm and lift his hips to push into my hand. I resumed sucking, trying to form a rhythm without letting too much of his length enter my mouth, gripping tighter with my hand and using the other to caress his balls. His groans and curses grew louder and I relished the knowledge that I was making him feel good - me, who knew nothing except what I'd read and seen on the internet.

"Ed...almost there...gonna come," he panted then, but I didn't stop. He had let me come in his mouth and I wanted to do the same. I kept only the head of his cock in my mouth, sucking more firmly and stroking his shaft harder and faster until I felt it pulse and jerk and then he was coming, flooding me with warm fluid. I gulped rapidly and breathed through my nose, continuing until there was nothing left and he was begging me to stop, whining that he was too sensitive. I sat up, grinning, with not a drop spilled.

"Fucking hell," Jasper hissed. "Are you sure you don't practise on something?"

"I used to suck my thumb when I was a kid," I teased.

"Jerk. Come here." He pulled me down against him and gave me a brief and very breathless kiss. "That was awesome. You're awesome."

I snuggled closer and pressed my face into his neck. My heart was still racing and I didn't want that day to end. I was feeling and experiencing things I'd never imagined I would get to feel for a very long time and there was no maybe about it now - I was falling for him and leaving him behind in ten days' time was going to break my heart.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

**Jasper's POV**

I sat in front of the rather ancient desk computer in my room, refreshing my email inbox every few minutes as I waited for Edward to send me the photographs. I had been going over our day together in my head ever since dinner finished and he left the house with his parents to return to their cabin. It was becoming more and more difficult not to keep looking at him and smiling at meal times, but fear of my father noticing something constantly had me steeling myself to ignore him as much as possible.

I leaned back in the wobbly swivel chair with a sigh. If only things could have been different. If I was free to choose what I wanted to do with my life, I would be with Edward, without a doubt. He was exactly what I wanted and what I had imagined for myself so many times since I first knew I was gay. He didn't even realise how gorgeous he was with his big green eyes, crazy hair and that crooked smile, which only made him more endearing. He had been so embarrassed that morning when we undressed and I knew he'd been dying to cover himself up, his face almost on fire, but later...

_'I want my first time to be with you.'_

I could hear his voice in my head and I found myself grinning stupidly while my cock stiffened in my shorts. We were going to make love and I was both excited and terrified at the same time. I would most likely be clumsy and awkward, I would probably hurt him and I would undoubtedly disgrace myself by losing it in seconds. I almost wished he wanted to top so that I didn't have that responsibility and I leaned forward again, opening another tab on the computer and typing in 'gay sex'. I had read enough about it before, but not with the intention of actually doing it. Just like Edward, I had imagined it would be a long way off and I hadn't seriously considered how it would happen.

I read several articles and decided I could at least try it out on myself with my fingers. I had never done that before, but now it would give me an idea of how things felt so that I wouldn't be a complete novice when I touched him. I closed down the site and refreshed my email again and suddenly there was a message from 'eacullen' with a dozen attachments and I opened it quickly, delighted that he had sent so many pictures. We had gone on to take more after we recovered from the blow jobs and I looked through them, growing even more aroused as I found the one Edward had taken of us kissing, holding the phone at arm's length and making several attempts before he captured us perfectly, lips locked, eyes closed, my hand cupping his face. We looked completely lost in each other. The next picture was of Edward naked and I'd been surprised he even let me take that one. He'd been reluctant to be photographed with his clothes on at first, but later he didn't seem to mind being in the limelight and I'd taken a couple of snaps of him lying on the rug on one side, his eyes closed and his face slightly pink. He wasn't hard, but he looked beautiful and peaceful.

I reached out and touched his face on the screen. My heart was racing and at the same time swelling as I looked at him and thought about how he felt in my arms. Letting him go at the end of the next week was going to be hell. It seemed to have happened so fast and I had nothing to compare it to, but I knew I was in love with him. Did he feel the same? Should I tell him?

I carefully saved all of the photos in a file labelled 'Sandy2' and then moved it into an old photo file entitled 'Horses', just in case. It was unlikely that my Dad would check my computer again after the last time. He hadn't found anything then and had stopped watching me months ago, but there was always a chance. I composed an email quickly to Edward, typing awkwardly with two fingers and deleting what I wrote several times before it was ready to send.

'Edward, thank you for the photos; looks like you picked out the best. So much for not being photogenic, you look amazing. I can't wait until tomorrow. Jasper. x.'

After I sent the message, I turned the computer and the light off and went to lie on my bed. I was still achingly hard and I removed my shorts and dug out the bottle of lube which I kept hidden in my sock drawer. I squeezed a little out and coated my fingers, first slicking the cool substance onto my cock and giving it a few slow pumps, then adding more lube to the other hand. I held my breath as I reached down, searching for my hole and trying to do what I had read on the net. I stroked back and forth over it, shuddering slightly, feeling myself twitch and clench. I imagined it was Edward's fingers touching me instead of my own, quickly returning my other hand to my erection as it throbbed impatiently against my belly. Maybe he would touch me like this even if he didn't want to fuck me.

I applied gentle pressure and then pushed more insistently, grimacing as my finger entered maybe half an inch and only succeeded in causing me discomfort. I pulled it out again, trying to make myself relax, my heart pounding anxiously. Damn it, surely it wasn't supposed to be this difficult.

_Breathe out._

I realised I was holding my breath and that most of my muscles were tight. I breathed out slowly and took deep even breaths, stroking my erection firmly for a minute or two before I tried again. This time it was easier and suddenly my finger was encased in tight, slick heat and my ass was twitching around it, responding to this new-found pleasure. I slowly and experimentally pumped the digit in and out a few times, then stopped to add more lube and a second finger. Again it hurt, but only temporarily until I grew used to the larger intrusion and then there was no time to explore any further. I was coming, spurting onto my belly and chest and coating my hand, the quantity of fluid surprising after the day's activities.

"Holy fucking shit," I muttered as I withdrew my fingers and grabbed some tissues to clean myself up. I couldn't wait to touch Edward like that. Maybe if we practised a few times, it wouldn't hurt too much when I put my cock in him.

When I woke the next morning I was still lying naked on top of the bed covers and had clearly slipped away right after I cleaned up. The lube and a bunch of tissues were next to me and I jumped up quickly to dispose of them, thanking God that it was early and Dad hadn't come to wake me up. Usually he would just knock and shout, but occasionally he had thrust the door open and stuck his head in.

I showered quickly, dressed and headed downstairs, wishing away the time until the Cullens would appear for breakfast. However, I was to be disappointed that day when Dad announced one of the ranchers had called in sick, having picked up some kind of stomach bug. This meant I would be riding with the new family and my plans to spend every minute possible with Edward were dashed. I didn't miss the way his face fell when I told him we wouldn't be riding together, but he covered it quickly with a smile and suggested to his mother that they invite Frankie to ride with them. Cassie was in the process of trying to worm her way into the family's affections in the hopes that she might go out with them and therefore me. I wasn't too happy when her ploy apparently worked, but there wasn't really much she could do except flirt with me and I was too distracted by the rest of the group and my own thoughts to even pretend to respond. I missed Edward and the time we had left was slipping away without us being able to share it.

It wasn't until after dinner that I was able to see him properly. I sent him a text when I returned to the ranch, suggesting we meet in the barn again after dark and hoping that I would be able to slip out without being caught. However, Dad and Marcie had invited the new family to stay in the house for a while that evening to watch a recording of a rodeo on the TV which they had been discussing and no one noticed me leave the house. I went straight to Sandy's empty stall and there was Edward, waiting in a dark corner for me. Neither of us spoke; I simply walked up to him and pulled him into my arms and we clung to each other for a long moment.

"I'm sorry about today," I groaned.

"It's not your fault."

"I missed you." I pushed him away from me a little so I could see his face. "I want to be with you every minute."

"I do too."

"Come here." I lowered myself onto the straw and pulled him down with me, guiding him to sit on my lap. He straddled me, knees either side of my hips, his butt resting on my thighs and I slid both arms around his waist. His hands crept around my neck, fingers running through my hair as our lips met and I plunged my tongue eagerly into his mouth when his lips parted. We kissed until breathlessness drove us apart and arousal had us squirming uncomfortably against each other. Doing anything in the barn was a horrible risk and after that first time I had told myself not to go there again, but I couldn't stop myself.

I unfastened Edward's cargo shorts and released him from his underwear, then slid further down until I was almost lying beneath him and by leaning forward, his cock was right in front of my face. I grasped it in one hand and guided it into my mouth, eager to taste him again after that clumsy first time. He was already leaking pre-cum and I circled his tip with my tongue, then took him deeper, knowing what to expect this time and finding I could take half of his length without fearing I would gag. He was panting and groaning softly, struggling to stay quiet as his hips rocked gently and he rapidly drew close to orgasm. I could feel it in the way his thighs trembled, his balls tightening and pulling away from my chin where they occasionally bumped against me. I quickened the pace of my hand and then he was coming, filling my mouth with his fluid. This time I didn't choke or spill a drop and I sucked him dry until he pulled away, shuddering and gasping.

"God, Jasper...that was amazing," he whispered, shuffling backwards to sit on my lap again. "Can I...?" His hand was rubbing me through my jeans and I grinned up at him. Just a few days ago he had been so lacking in confidence, even when it came to kissing and now he was eagerly palming me, his free hand fighting with my belt buckle.

"Please," I whispered. "I'm so hard."

He crouched over me and in another moment I felt the wet heat of his mouth surrounding me, his tongue flicking and lapping at me, hand stroking and squeezing the lower half of my erection.

"Hell, I'm almost there already," I grimaced. "Doing this to you turns me on so much."

"Mmm," Edward responded softly.

I closed my eyes and simply felt, clenching my fists in an effort not to buck my hips and try to fuck his mouth. He was taking more and more of me in, carefully at first and then bobbing his head up and down rapidly, his lips sliding down my shaft until I could feel my tip bumping the back of his throat. He gagged a little once or twice and I could hear him breathing hard through his nose, but he didn't stop until I warned him I was about to come. Then his hand pumped faster and he pulled off until his mouth held only the head of my cock while he sucked and swallowed my load.

"So good," I panted. "I can't wait to make love to you."

He sat up and moved closer to me. "I couldn't stop thinking about that last night."

"You do want to, right?" I queried.

"God, yes."

"I had a bit of a practise last night," I confessed. "With my fingers. I wanted to know what it feels like so I'll at least have an idea what I'm doing."

Edward giggled softly and smothered the sound against my shoulder. "I wish I'd seen that."

"Pervert. Looking at those photos got me pretty hot under the collar."

"They weren't even sexy," Edward protested.

"They don't have to be. I look at your face and think about how much I like kissing you and how much it turns me on. That one of you naked just made me think of how beautiful you are and how much I love touching you."

"You're embarrassing me," he whispered.

"I can't help it. I want you to know how I feel. I..." I paused for a moment, my heart pounding. Was it too soon to tell him? We had so little time and the next nine days could be all the time we would ever have, but if he didn't feel the same it could spoil things.

"I can't get enough of you," I told him instead.

"Me neither."

I wasn't sure if I imagined it, but he seemed a little disappointed. Had he been hoping I would say it? _Shit!_

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked, not knowing how to continue the conversation from that point.

"We might get caught," he answered doubtfully.

"There's more chance of that in here."

"Ok."

I grasped his hand in mine and led him quietly out of the barn and around the back of it. One of the trails we rode out on started there and led immediately away from the house and cabins and we walked quietly, not speaking for several minutes.

"Won't your parents miss you?" Edward asked in a low tone as we continued walking.

"They're busy right now. That new family's in the house watching a rodeo on the TV. I'm probably ok for another hour."

The faint glow from the stars and the sliver of moon overhead afforded us just enough light to see by and I led Edward towards an area of brush where we could sit down. We were at least half a mile away from the buildings and weren't at risk of being seen. I still felt a little awkward and all I seemed to be able to think about was how I felt and how much I wanted to tell him. Perhaps I was just being stupid and he was simply waiting for a prompt from me to tell me the exact same thing. I looked at him in the darkness, his head tilted back as he looked up at the stars, lips parted slightly in a half smile.

"You said you often see shooting stars here," he commented.

"Yes." I didn't intentionally look for them, but I probably saw one at least half of the time I was out at night alone. "And you wish on them," I remembered.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"What did you wish last time?" I asked curiously. He had refused to tell me when we had discussed it before, but we were closer now; much closer.

"Nothing really, it's silly. They never come true anyway."

"Come on, tell me," I pressed. "I won't laugh."

He glanced at me and smirked, then looked away. "I wished I would find a...a boy who would...love me."

If ever there was the right opportunity to tell him how I felt, this was it. What did it matter if we had only known each other for ten days? Wouldn't it be better to let him know now, while we still had some time to enjoy each other? I knew he had feelings for me; it was obvious in the way he looked at me, the way he clung to me when we held each other. I wasn't sure if it was love, but I doubted he was going to reject it, especially after what he just said to me.

"I told you it was silly," he said awkwardly.

"It's not." I paused and licked my lips. "They do come true sometimes. I mean...you did find a boy who loves you."

His head swivelled towards me, eyes wide and I heard his soft gasp of surprise.

"I love you, Edward," I said more firmly. "I know it's fast, but I know how I feel. I love you."

"I love you too, Jasper," he answered at once, his voice wobbling slightly.

My hammering heart seemed to stutter before it resumed its racing and I slid my arms around him to pull him closer to me, almost crushing him. He did feel the same. He loved me, so how could I ever let him go? He was everything I wanted and suddenly my mind was working overtime, thinking of things that I knew inside were impossible. I imagined myself packing up and leaving the ranch in a week's time, saying goodbye to Dad and Marcie as I climbed into the back of the Cullens' car with Edward and went to start my new life with a family who wouldn't hurt me for who I was. I thought of going off to college in September, talking to the people in charge and arranging to have myself transferred to Seattle, not telling my family anything. Even if Dad decided to travel thousands of miles to drag me home, perhaps there I would have help. I was eighteen; it wasn't like I was a child running away. Surely people would be on my side if they knew what Dad had done to me last year? Was it really so hopeless?

"Jasper..." Edward's hands were touching my face and I blinked rapidly. "Why are you crying?"

"Uh...I just...um..." I let go of him and scrubbed my hands over my face, knocking his away. "It's nothing, I'm just being a jerk."

"It's not nothing. When we were at the lake you made me tell you what was wrong. So now you tell me."

"I don't want to lose you," I said. "More so now I know you feel the same way I do. I was trying to think of how I could leave here, but I guess I just can't see how I can do it. It's not like a movie where we can just ride off into the sunset and be together. I was thinking maybe I could get the college in Dallas to transfer me to Seattle, but they're not going to do that, at least not without talking to Dad since he's paying the fees. I don't have any of my own money, at least not much. He pays me for working here and I don't really spend it, but..."

"Jasper, what if I ask my parents to help?" Edward said suddenly.

"You can't do that."

"I can. I was going to tell them when I get home that I'm gay. I don't think they'll react badly; at least Mom won't."

"What could they do? Take me in? Ask Dad to reconsider his views on his fag of a son?" I said bitterly. "Dad would just deck him. He answers anything he doesn't like with his fists."

"Maybe my Dad could help you get a place at Seattle though. If you go off to college in Dallas as planned and then get on a plane..."

"Fly?" I said in wonder. I had never been on a plane before. The furthest I had ever travelled from home was Dallas. "I don't have a passport," I said.

"You don't need one for a domestic flight."

"Oh." I felt myself flush. "Isn't it expensive?"

"I could send you some money."

"Hell, Edward, you can't do that, you'll need it for your own stuff," I groaned.

"I have...enough. I never wanted to tell you because I felt embarrassed about it, but my parents aren't exactly poor. My Dad's a top surgeon. My other birthday gift was a brand new car. They give me anything I want."

"Shit," I muttered. The last thing his parents would probably want for him was me, rough as I was and without a cent to my name, at least compared to him. Even if he hadn't just told me that, pride wouldn't let me take his money and fear of my Dad's reaction when he inevitably caught me out made me stall. "Look...if you tell them while you're here, it'll all blow up. I don't want to go through that again. Maybe...maybe somehow when I get to Dallas I can find a way to leave, but not before. Please don't say anything, Edward."

"I won't, I promise," he said immediately. "But at least let me know if I can do anything. I meant it when I said I'd send you money..."

"No!" I snapped suddenly. "I don't want to be owing you like that. We've only known each other five minutes." I cursed myself as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I knew I had hurt Edward by saying that, but his reaction wasn't what I expected.

"How can you say that when two minutes ago you told me you love me?" he retorted sharply. He shuffled away from me and folded his arms. "I was only trying to help."

"I know. I'm sorry, Edward. That was a fucking stupid thing to say." Groaning again, I reached out to take his hand in mine and squeezed it. "Let's just forget about it for now, ok? I want to enjoy the time we have. You mean enough to me for me to want to change things and find a way to leave here, but I'm gonna have to figure it out my own way."

"Ok." His hand squeezed mine in return. "You really do want to leave though?"

Could I do it? Could I leave my life behind and just walk away without a backward glance? It would be the only way if I meant to see him again after he left, because Dad would never let me leave or change my college plans and if he knew why, he would either thrash me or kick me out.

"Yes, I want to leave," I said firmly. "I wished on a few stars in the past that somehow my life would change and I could go some place where I'd be accepted."

Edward moved closer again and slipped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Mine came true. Yours could too."

"Maybe." I shifted my position, moving behind him with one leg either side of him so that his back rested against my chest. He covered my hands with his where they lay on his belly and I caressed his cheek with my lips. We didn't talk for a while, but sat in silence holding each other until just as if it had heard what we had talked about, a distant flash and the silver trail of a shooting star appeared in the distance for two or three seconds before it was gone. I pressed my face into Edward's neck and squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

_'I wish...I can leave the ranch and be with Edward. I wish I can leave the ranch and be with Edward. I wish I can...'_

"Did you make a wish?" he asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Me too. It was probably the same one."

"It might stand a better chance of coming true then." I shook myself and reluctantly let him go, scooting backwards and getting to my feet before I completely let my emotions get the better of me. "We better get back before my folks notice I'm gone. Hopefully they won't need me for anything else tomorrow and we can have the day together."

**A/N For those of you who don't know, I am on Twitter and Facebook, where I post updates on what I'm writing and what I have planned, plus photos to go with some of the stories so feel free to look me up :o) You will find me as Hank's Lady on Facebook and hankslady on Twitter.**


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

**Edward's POV**

The next day I waited anxiously for my parents to get ready for breakfast, hoping that Jasper wouldn't be assigned to another group of riders again. However, before we had left the cabin, my phone vibrated in my pocket with a text message from him, telling me he would be with me all day. It was Friday already, I realised. The time seemed to be flying by and that evening would be the weekly dance. I had lost track of the days. It was all the more reason to make sure I didn't waste a second and as soon as breakfast was over, I headed eagerly for the barn to get Harriet ready after Jasper told me he would meet me out there.

I already had Harriet's bridle on by the time Jasper appeared, a rug under his arm, a bag of food in one hand and his guitar in the other. I stopped what I was doing and looked at him in surprise.

"You're bringing your guitar?"

"Yeah, I convinced Dad I need to practise more for tonight. Thought I might serenade you." He grinned and winked.

"Awesome. What's in the bag?"

"Lunch, of course. Leftover meatloaf from last night and some cake. I'll get Sandy saddled up."

He left me and I hurried to finish readying Harriet, then led her out into the yard, my heart thumping with excitement. I was mounted and waiting by the time Jasper came out, his guitar strapped to the back of Sandy's saddle along with the rug. Mom and Dad were waiting with me on their horses, their plan being to ride with the new family, and they eyed Jasper curiously as he mounted up.

"Planning a sing-a-long?" Dad teased.

"I have to practise something for the dance tonight, Sir," Jasper said smoothly. "Hopefully I won't bore Edward too much."

"Shame your band doesn't have a keyboard. Edward could play with you," Dad went on. "Regular maestro he is; has he told you?"

"Dad!" I hissed, feeling my face turning red.

"We started him on lessons when he was five years old."

"Yeah, he told me. I play too, although not so well, I'd imagine," Jasper smiled.

"Well, we'll let you get going. It looks like the others are almost ready."

I heaved a sigh of relief as my parents turned their horses away and went to join the growing group at the front gate.

"God, parents are so embarrassing," I grimaced.

"Don't knock them. They're proud of you and they obviously love you," said Jasper.

"Yeah, I know." I felt selfish as I was reminded again of his situation. I nudged Harriet gently with my heels and followed him to the opposite end of the yard where we headed out to the trail which led toward the distant lake. It had become 'our place' and I wondered if Jasper would continue to go there alone after I was gone and remember the times we had shared there. I only hoped it wouldn't be too long before he could find a way to leave. He seemed determined that he wanted to be with me, but I knew he was scared. It was a long time until college started in September and every day until then - until he figured out if he could leave Dallas - would be interminable.

We rode more slowly to the lake than before, taking almost two hours to get there. Jasper allowed the horses to roam free today and then spread out the rug under the trees. He didn't seem inclined to start anything between us right away and picked up his guitar instead to play me something. I was a little disappointed after our declarations of love the previous evening and I wanted to pull the guitar out of his hands and kiss him, but I kept my distance. He seemed serious, there being no evidence of his usual playful mood and instead I lay on my back with my knees drawn up, watching him play. First came a couple of lively tunes which he told me were for the dance and then a more mellow number. I rolled onto my side and watched more intently as he began to sing along with this one, his voice soft and deep and a little wistful. The words of the song were about waiting for someone you loved, so sad that they brought a lump to my throat and I noticed Jasper's eyes were glistening when he came to the end of it and switched to another more upbeat tune. This one was the last song and then he put the guitar aside and moved closer to me, leaning over me and stroking my cheek gently. His hand was shaking slightly and I grasped it in mine and gave it a squeeze.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

"Just...nervous, I guess," he said, his eyes slipping away from mine.

"About what?"

"I thought maybe we could try something." He reached out with his free hand to snag the bag of sandwiches and thrust his hand into it, pulling out a bottle of lube. Immediately I felt my face heat up and I could see colour flooding Jasper's face too. "I guess I don't want to fuck it up...assuming you might want to...uh...explore a little. We don't have to."

"I want to," I whispered and licked dry lips, my pulse quickening with both nerves and excitement. Suddenly I felt just as awkward as he was and I avoided looking at him as I imagined how we might do it. I pictured myself naked, my legs spread open and Jasper's fingers drifting between them, touching me _there_ and my face burned hotter than ever. I had scrubbed myself meticulously in the shower that morning and I kept myself neatly trimmed, but the thought of him _looking_ mortified me and my soft cock shrivelled even more in my pants.

"Edward, you look like you'd rather jump in that water with your clothes on," Jasper said with a half-hearted grin. "Let's just not think about it for now, huh? I haven't even kissed you yet today."

"Sorry," I said uncomfortably.

"It's ok. I probably feel more anxious about it than you, in case I hurt you or something." He moved closer to me, propping his head up on one hand and resting the other on my chest, fiddling with one of my shirt buttons. "You know I love you, right?"

I looked up into his eyes at last. He had removed his hat and the grey-green orbs appeared stormy, the quirky smile on his lips belying his grave expression.

"I know. I love you, Jasper," I said. It was the second time I had spoken those words to him. Last night my heart had almost exploded out of my chest when he said the three little words, not once, but three times if you included him repeating the wish I made. Hearing it again now in broad daylight somehow made it even more significant and my discomfort quickly vanished. I lifted my hand to his neck, curling my fingers around the nape and pulling him down until our lips met.

We kissed gently at first, light little caresses of parted lips without it developing into anything deeper. My pulse was racing, my eyes almost, but not quite closed as I peeked through my lashes at Jasper's face, noticing his own dark lashes resting on his cheeks, his nose as it occasionally bumped mine when he changed the angle of the kiss. He moved his body closer, hooking one leg over me and resting it between mine, letting me feel the hardness in his jeans press against my thigh. I moaned softly and slid my other arm around him, parting my lips further as his tongue emerged and sought entrance, plunging in eagerly and teasing my own. Much to my relief my body began to respond again, heat rushing to my groin, my cock filling and straining against my pants. I was wearing loose fitting hiking pants that day which didn't crush my erection and I shifted a little, needing friction and finding it as Jasper's thigh moved against me.

His groan filled my mouth and he lifted himself up, then lowered himself again, both knees coming to rest between my thighs and his lower body pressing onto mine. I spread my thighs wider and held onto him tighter, gasping into his mouth as he rubbed himself against me. The hard bulge in his jeans repeatedly ground against me until I feared I would come in my pants again. I slid a hand between us, bracing it against his chest to push him back and break the kiss so I could breathe.

"You want me to stop?" he asked.

"No, I want you to get those damned jeans off," I blurted.

He grinned wickedly and pulled himself up and off of me, scrambling to his feet. "Your wish is my command," he said breathlessly, unzipping quickly. I began to unfasten my own pants, no long self-conscious as I watched him pull off one boot and then the other, shoving his jeans down his thighs at the same time, his erection throbbing beneath the tight blue fabric of his underwear. I lifted my butt and pushed my pants down, toeing off one boot and then the other, unconcerned by the fact that my cock had escaped from the front of my shorts and was sticking straight up. I was aching, desperate to touch and be touched and I gave up fumbling with my shirt buttons, pulling the garment off over my head instead. Jasper was tossing his shirt to the ground, lifting one foot to pull off a sock and I did the same, hesitating only briefly before I continued to remove the last item of clothing and lay back naked.

"Fuck, Edward, you look so hot like that," Jasper said softly, kneeling down beside me. He placed a hand on my chest, lightly stroking down the centre to my navel and then back up before he lay down again at my side. His cock pushed against my hip, the tip smearing pre-cum onto my skin. I turned to face him and placed my hand on his smooth chest, stroking the warm skin while he continued to do the same with me. My thumb encountered a nipple and I rubbed back and forth over it gently, making it stiffen into a firm nub. Jasper caught his lower lip between his teeth, his breathing quickening as he touched me in the same way, scratching his nails gently through my chest hair and pinching one nipple between finger and thumb until I couldn't suppress a deep groan.

My cock was throbbing, my balls aching and tight against my body as we continued exploring each other slowly, hands wandering over flat bellies, hips, firm thighs, carefully ignoring each other's erections until both were quivering and leaking, straining forward to seek contact with each other. Jasper took his hand off of me suddenly and reached behind him, searching for the bottle of lube.

"Have you ever jerked off with lube?" he asked softly.

"No."

"Damn, you're missing out." He clicked open the cap and squeezed some of the fluid onto his fingers, then brought his hand between us and edged closer to me. I looked down, fixing my eyes on our cocks as they bumped against each other and then Jasper's hand was curling around mine, slicking the cool fluid over it before rubbing it against his own.

"Shit," I hissed as his hand slid smoothly up and down, stroking both of us, his palm gliding over my length while his shaft rubbed against the underside of mine.

"Feel good?" he murmured, tightening his grip a little.

My response was a groan and I closed my eyes, giving myself over to the sensation and knowing that as usual, I wasn't going to hold out for very long.

"I'm gonna come so hard," Jasper groaned. "I love the feel of your cock against mine. God, Edward, I want you so much." He leaned closer, pressing his face against my shoulder as his hand quickened its pace and I held onto him, gently thrusting myself against him and into his fist as heat began to coil in my belly and balls.

"Almost there," I gasped. "Feels so good."

He came a few seconds before I did, his warm fluid spilling over his hand and my cock and spurting onto my belly. It mingled with the lube as he continued rubbing us together and then I was coming too, shuddering and groaning as I emptied between us.

"Fuck," Jasper panted, removing his hand and grabbing for his shorts. "I forgot to bring tissues." He chuckled softly as he used his underwear to clean us up as best he could, taking far too long wiping my cock until I was tingling and over-sensitive, begging him to stop. He tossed the shorts aside and moved closer again, wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you," I said again, running my hand gently up and down his back. I loved the sound of those words on my lips just as much as I enjoyed hearing him say them to me, which he did now, whispering them into my ear.

"Do you want to bathe and clean up properly?" he asked me then.

"Not yet. Just in case," I smirked.

"Oh, you want more?"

"Well...uh...we were going to try something new," I reminded him. Languid and spent from my orgasm, resting in his arms, I didn't feel as embarrassed by the thought as I had when he first brought it up and I knew he probably wouldn't even mention it again unless I let him know I was ok with it.

"You sure you want to?"

"Yeah, I want to. I'm just...shy about that, I guess."

"Do you want to try doing it first?" he offered.

"Um...do you want me to?"

"Yes," he said. "Trust me, I'm probably gonna blush just as much as you."

"I doubt that," I chuckled. I stroked my hand lower until it rested on his buttocks and squeezed the firm flesh gently. He was so good at putting me at ease, whether it was with reassurance or jokes and already my spent cock was beginning to twitch again at the thought of taking things one step further - one more step towards making love.

We didn't move for some time, relishing the feel of each other's closeness and talking softly while our arousal slowly built again until Jasper's erection was digging into my hip and my own was throbbing eagerly against his thigh. My hand was still stroking over his butt and although we hadn't discussed any further how we intended to do this, I supposed he wanted me to touch him first. I felt marginally more comfortable about it than exposing myself to him in such a way and now I tentatively let my fingers drift along his ass crack. He was spread open from the way he was lying, one leg resting over mine and I trailed my fingers up and down, gradually moving closer to his centre. I felt the slow throb of blood in his cock against my leg and a little pre-cum oozed from him. His upper body was trembling slightly, his heart hammering and as I brushed the tip of one digit over his hole for the first time, he sucked his breath in sharply and I felt the puckered flesh clench.

"Shall I not do this?" I asked worriedly.

"No, keep going," he encouraged.

"Where's the lube?"

He grabbed the bottle and placed it on the other side of me. I took my hand off him and squeezed some of the fluid out onto my fingers, then reached down again and hesitantly stroked along his cleft, trailing two fingers back and forth over his hole.

"Fuck!" he hissed. His cock continued to twitch and leak as I explored, circling one finger around and feeling the flesh tighten and flutter. He was smooth there, I noticed and I wondered whether he shaved it or was simply blessed with being hairless in that area. I dipped my fingers lower, nudging his balls from behind and he squirmed and groaned.

My heart was racing as I stroked upwards and once again, circled his hole. Gently I pressed the tip of my index finger against it and felt the hot rush of breath on my neck as he breathed out shakily. Then I felt velvety, tight heat around my finger and I let out my own gasp of surprise and excitement.

"Fuck!" I echoed Jasper's sentiment as I gently pushed deeper, finding no resistance to my intrusion until I was in as far as I could reach.

"Holy shit," Jasper muttered. "Feels a hell of a lot better than doing it yourself."

I withdrew the finger slowly and slid it back in, just as carefully. "You're so tight and hot," I murmured.

"I know, right? You can use two fingers if you want."

"Can I see?" I asked suddenly, fascinated by the feel of him and longing to actually watch my fingers disappearing inside of him.

"Sure." He raised his head from my shoulder and I noticed his cheeks were flushed and sweaty, eyes bright. I removed my finger from him quickly and he changed position, lying on his front with his legs spread, hips raised slightly to avoid crushing his cock on the ground. I sat up and reached for the lube again, adding more to my index and middle fingers, just to be sure. With the other hand I spread him a little more, eyeing the tight pink hole, slick with lube. Slowly I entered him again with the one digit, my palm facing down, watching with fascination as his body took me in. Again I withdrew and this time carefully added the middle finger, pressing in gently and halting when he let out a hiss that sounded more like discomfort than excitement.

"Jasper?"

"I'm ok, it just burns a little. Keep going."

I pulled out and then slid deeper, this time relieved to hear his groan and see his hips gyrate as he rubbed himself against the rug. Hesitantly at first I began to fuck him with my fingers, watching as they appeared and disappeared, his body writhing under the touch, rhythmic moans coming from him.

"God, I need to come so bad," he panted eventually.

"Lift up more," I told him.

He moved his knees and raised his ass a few inches, giving me a glimpse of his cock, hanging full and heavy beneath him. I slid my arm under him and grasped it firmly, starting to stroke it in time to the plunges of my fingers into him. He felt amazing - hard and throbbing in one hand and hot and tight and slick around the other. I curled the two fingers downwards, seeking for the bump of his prostate that I knew was there somewhere.

"Holy fucking hell!" he yelped suddenly and I felt him clench around me, his cock jerking in my hand. "Do that again, Edward. I'm gonna come."

Grinning now, I stroked him faster and massaged that part of him that was making him shake and curse, his thighs trembling with the effort of holding his lower body up. Then he was spilling into my hand, the tight muscle around my fingers gripping even tighter as his orgasm rushed through him. I released him and slowly withdrew, quickly grabbing his shorts to wipe him and my hands as he collapsed, chest heaving, onto his side.

"Fuck, that was amazing," he sighed.

"I could tell," I grinned. I sat back on my heels, my own cock jutting upwards and drawing my attention back to its own need to be touched. I had been so fascinated by the way Jasper reacted to my touch and the way he felt, that I'd barely noticed the extent of my own arousal. I was leaking, my balls tight and suddenly the the idea of Jasper looking and touching my ass no longer caused me embarrassment - I just wanted to feel what I'd just seen him experience. I grasped my erection and stroked myself slowly, desperate for the contact and not caring that Jasper's eyes had opened again and were fixed on my lap.

"Fuck, Edward, that's hot." I stilled my hand and slowly met his eyes. "Do you want me to touch you like that?" he asked.

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

"Come and lie down. Mind the wet patch," he smirked.

I lowered myself onto my front, lying flat and burying my face in my folded arms, my legs together. My heart was racing and the knot in my stomach reminded me that I was a little nervous of him looking at that part of me. I felt his lips brush my shoulder as he bent over me and then he moved away and sat beside me, his knee bumping my hip. His hand rested lightly on my butt and stroked in circles, squeezing my flesh a little before he moved it lower to the back of one of my thighs.

"Open up for me, babe."

I slid my legs apart, pressing my hot face into the rug. I was tense and as much as I tried to breathe slow and deep, I couldn't relax. I was clenched tight and my cock had softened a little beneath me. When Jasper gently stroked one finger along my crack I jumped and released an embarrassing whimper.

"Edward...it's ok if you don't want this," Jasper said gently.

"I do, I'm just nervous."

He resumed stroking my butt and lower back, his hand moving in long sweeps until I began to relax a little. When his thumb suddenly brushed over my hole, I twitched and clenched, but lay still.

"You look beautiful like this," murmured Jasper. "I want to make love to you so badly."

"I want that too," I told him. "I'm ok, I promise."

"Any time you want me to stop, let me know." He took his hand off me for a moment and I heard him squeezing out lube onto his fingers. I forced myself to breathe slowly and relax, my lower body remaining as boneless as I could make it when he resumed touching me, a now slick finger running up and down behind my balls and up to my hole, slowly circling. Gently the tip of one finger pushed against me and I clenched instinctively, refusing him entry.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Relax. It'll feel good."

"I know, I could tell from your reaction."

"I've never come so hard in my life," he told me.

"I loved touching you like that."

He pushed against me again and this time I felt his finger slip in an inch or so before my tight muscle halted its progress.

"Breathe out slow," Jasper said.

"Yeah." I did so and then I was gripping tight around him, his hand against my butt and the digit as far inside me as he could reach.

"Hell!" he exclaimed. "So tight and hot. I can't even imagine...what this will feel like around my cock."

"God," I groaned. My awkwardness slipped away again and I was only aware of the intrusion, his other hand gently stroking my back, my softened cock beginning to swell beneath me again. "Keep talking," I mumbled, lifting my hips slightly off the rug to give my erection more room. Jasper removed his hand from my back and slid it under me, encouraging me to lift up more before he grasped me and began to pump slowly. His finger moved at the same pace as his hand, carefully fucking me, the movement smooth and slick from the lube.

"You look so hot like this," Jasper said. "I'm watching my finger going in and out of you, imagining what it's gonna look like when I'm fucking you. I'd probably come in five seconds. You're so fucking tight, Edward, so hot and wet."

I moaned helplessly, caught up in the dual sensations on my cock and in my ass and his dirty words filling my ears. It felt good now and I wanted - _needed_ - more. I wanted to know what it felt like to have him do what I'd done to him.

"More..." I panted. "Jasper..."

"Two fingers?"

"Yeah."

"Hold on; my hand's the wrong way around." He withdrew from me completely and then entered again, pumping slowly in and out a few more times before I felt the stretch of a second finger alongside the first. It felt impossibly tight and burned uncomfortably as it slipped past the ring of muscle. I heard myself moan in pain and then it was gone from me and he was stroking my cock, soothing me.

"I'm gonna use more lube. Relax, you've tightened up again."

I heard the click of the bottle and then a moment later, a single cool, slippery finger was entering me again. I concentrated on the feel of my shaft in his hand, moving my hips slightly in an effort to fuck his fist. I wasn't remotely close to orgasm, but it felt good and it took my mind of the discomfort as he tried again to stretch me open with two fingers.

"Better?"

"Yeah," I panted.

"I guess I had the advantage...doing it to myself."

"It feels so tight," I said. "How am I ever going to take your cock? It's way bigger than your fingers."

"I should hope so," Jasper chuckled. "We'll just go real slow, one step at a time. I'm not planning on trying to fuck you today, or even in the next few days. If it doesn't happen, then..."

"It will," I said firmly. It was easier now and I found it a little amusing that we kept on talking while he was doing this to me. Perhaps it wasn't so romantic or sexy, but it helped because I was relaxed and he was fucking me gently with both digits, his hand gripping my erection tighter as he pumped it. My balls were tightening and I was getting close again, ready to let myself go. Then his fingers curled downwards in search of my prostate, finding it at the second attempt and I saw stars.

"Fuck!" I cried.

Jasper laughed softly. "Hit the spot, huh?"

"God! Do that again!" I demanded.

"Like this?"

Two more brushes of his fingers was all it took and then I was coming, shooting my load onto the rug beneath me and feeling myself clench around him. I was panting hard, sucking in great lungfuls of air and Jasper released me now and slowly withdrew from me, leaving me feeling strangely empty. I rolled onto my side away from the mess under me the way he had done and he picked up the well-used shorts to wipe his hands and then my cock.

"I'm gonna need to wash these," he grimaced, tossing the underwear aside. "Not sure I can explain having this much cum all over them."

I laughed breathlessly and slid my arms around him as he lay down beside me. "Wash them in the lake when we go in there to clean up. They'll dry in the sun in less than an hour."

"Yeah." Jasper nuzzled my neck and brushed his lips over my collar bone. "How do you feel?"

"Amazing. I know I was awkward and stupid at first, but I loved having you do that to me."

"Me too. I mean I loved doing it both ways."

"I can't wait to make love with you," I whispered.

"Soon," Jasper promised. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too," I sighed. I closed my eyes and snuggled against him, my heart gradually slowing its pounding until its even thuds matched the pace of Jasper's as we dozed together in the shade. I didn't want to move and we had several hours to enjoy before we would need to head back to the ranch.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N The words of the song Jasper sings are from 'I'll Wait For You' by Joe Nichols.**

CHAPTER ELEVEN

**Edward's POV**

I opened my eyes slowly and rubbed a hand over my face, realising I must have fallen asleep. I was lying on my side with Jasper curled around me, his chest pressed against my back and his cock resting in the crack of my ass. I grinned and blushed at the same time, imagining ourselves in the future, curled up in bed like this and knowing that we would wake up every day the same way. Jasper moved slightly and his lips brushed the back of my neck and then my shoulder.

"Wish I could wake up with you like this every day."

"I was just thinking that," I murmured.

"Too hot here though." Laughing softly, he peeled himself away from me, the skin where we touched damp and sticky. "We should bathe and clean up."

"Yeah." I sat up reluctantly, wondering what time it was. I wasn't wearing my wristwatch, but the sun was still high in the sky. "Do you have the time?"

"The time for what?" Jasper teased.

"Jerk."

"It's around one o'clock; we weren't out for very long."

"How do you know?" I looked up at him as he got to his feet, his erection swaying in front of him and drawing my eyes away from his face.

"Position of the sun. Come on, get up. Stop gawking at my dick." He bent to grab my hand and hauled me to my feet.

We spent only a short time in the water, scrubbing ourselves clean before returning to the rug to eat our lunch. Jasper had taken the opportunity to wash his shorts and spread them out in the sun to dry while we ate. Afterwards we edged closer to each other again and despite the earlier activities, both of us were quickly hard again. We pleasured each other with hands and mouths, trying something new this time with me kneeling over Jasper's head, my balls bumping his nose while he sucked me in order that I could do it to him too, without one of us having to wait. It was awkward and clumsy and hot and sexy and we came almost at the same time. I was able to pull off sufficiently to swallow and not spill a drop, but lying on his back beneath me, Jasper spluttered helplessly when I spurted into his throat, my fluid running out of the corners of his mouth and down his neck.

We were still lying together naked an hour later, when Jasper suddenly pulled away from me and sat upright with a look of alarm on his face, grabbing for his now dry shorts.

"Get dressed, Edward, quick."

"What's wrong?" I picked up my own underwear and pulled them on, followed by my shirt, which was still buttoned and inside out, causing me to fumble.

"Riders coming this way."

"What? Did you hear something?"

"Yeah, a faint vibration in the ground. I know you probably think that's weird and with me telling the time from the sun and all, but I guess I was just taught things like that from being a kid." He dragged his jeans on and fastened them, then stood up straight and gazed around, shading his eyes with his hand. "I can see them now, over there."

I peered in the same direction, squinting while I pulled on my pants. I couldn't see anything and realised I hadn't worn my glasses in days.

"It's just a small dust cloud right now," Jasper added. "Thank God we weren't still sleeping, huh? Or fooling around."

We finished dressing quickly, including our boots and then sat down at opposite sides of the rug to finish the slab of cake that we hadn't yet eaten. I could now hear the thunder of horses' hooves and guessed the riders were heading straight toward us.

"Fuck, the lube," I muttered suddenly, spying the bottle lying beside my leg and I picked it up and shoved it into the bag beneath the empty sandwich papers. Jasper swore under his breath and shuddered visibly.

"It's the bachelors," he confirmed then and I looked up to see Mick, Bob and the group of young guys all trotting in our direction, some of them talking, or rather shouting to each other. Most of them rode down to the edge of the water to let the horses drink, while Mick halted just yards away.

"Dad," Jasper said with a nod.

"This where you've been hiding, is it?"

"We just stopped for lunch," Jasper told him. "I practised a couple of songs for tonight too."

"Well, you can ride back with us. Marcie's making dinner earlier tonight. The McCartys are coming over and staying for the dance."

"I know, I talked to Emmett," Jasper confirmed, shoving the cake wrapper away and getting to his feet. I jumped up too and began to fold the rug while he whistled for Sandy and then strapped his guitar to her saddle. Mick guided his horse down to the water and let it drink while Jasper and I finished getting ready.

"Christ, if he turned up an hour ago," whispered Jasper.

I grimaced at the thought of Mick seeing us sucking each other off. He probably would have whipped me as well as his son.

"Who's Emmett?" I asked.

"My best buddy; lives on the next closest ranch to ours. I haven't seen him in a while, since school finished. His family runs a cattle ranch. He wants to go to college with me and play football, but his father wants him to help run the business."

"Don't any of you get to choose your own lives here?" I asked and Jasper just shrugged.

"Some. I guess they do more in the towns, but out here...you generally go into the family business. Emmett's happy enough with it. He's already thinking about settling down with his girlfriend." He stopped talking and swung up into Sandy's saddle and I quickly mounted as Mick and the others turned away from the water.

"You up for a gallop, Edward?" Mick asked me.

"Yes, Sir."

"Edward's fine; you wouldn't think he was a complete novice when he arrived," added Jasper.

"You're getting along better than some of these jerks then," one of the bachelors commented, indicating two guys who were gripping their saddle horns firmly, even while at a standstill.

"Go to hell, Andy," one of them muttered.

"Well, how many times did you land on your ass now? Three is it?"

"Two!"

The one named Andy snorted with laughter and Mick gave them a brief grin, before turning his horse away and digging his heels roughly into its sides. It sprang forward and in a moment we were all moving, Jasper and me keeping to one side of the group as we began to head swiftly back towards the ranch, raising a large cloud of dust in our wake.

I was disappointed that my time alone with Jasper had been cut short, but I was a little shaken up by how close we had come to getting caught. The few times I glanced over at Jasper, I could see his mouth was set in a thin line, shoulders stiff as he rode and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. Perhaps he wouldn't want to continue taking risks the way we had been.

When we arrived back, Mick and Bob took charge of the group's horses, while Jasper and I gave Sandy and Harriet a rub down in the barn before turning them out into the paddock. We had a little time alone before Jasper had to go and help set up the other barn for the dance.

"I'm sorry our day got cut short," he said sadly as we walked back from the paddock. He had barely spoken since we arrived back.

"It's not your fault. You're freaked out, aren't you?" I said.

"Yeah, I keep thinking they could have turned up when we were sleeping, or worse, getting it on."

"Maybe we shouldn't keep doing this," I suggested reluctantly.

Jasper's eyes flew to my face, his brows drawn together in a frown. "You'd rather not?"

"Of course I want to, I just don't want you to keep taking risks with me if there's a chance of your Dad catching us."

"It's worth it to me, Edward, I'd have every minute with you if I could," he replied quietly. "I'll think of some place else for us to go, that's less open."

We stopped talking as we reached the yard and I headed for the cabin, leaving Jasper to carry on with his work. Mom and Dad were still out riding and I took the opportunity to talk to Ben online for a while and respond to an email I had received from Beth.

The dance evening was very much the same as the previous week, although the McCarty family from the next ranch came to join in. They were all huge - Jasper's friend Emmett and his father well over six feet and packed with muscle while Mrs McCarty, although slender and attractive, was tall and sinewy, dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt, her attitude very forthright. I was introduced to Emmett briefly and his handshake left my fingers painfully crushed.

Jasper played in the band for over an hour this time, while Cassie did her best to get his attention from the sidelines. I stood alone for a while until I noticed Frankie hovering in one corner, looking as uncomfortable as I had the previous week and trying to avoid the interested looks of the eldest boy from the other family. Her parents weren't around and I quickly made my way over to her, noticing her immediate look of relief.

"Hey, Edward!"

"Hey, are you ok? You look like you'd rather be somewhere else."

"Parties aren't really my thing."

"They're not for me either," I agreed.

"That guy Peter keeps watching me," she whispered to me.

"Ignore him. Pretend you're with me."

"Ok." Smiling, she edged closer and tucked her hand through my arm. "Do you think Cassie will finally get her way with Jasper? It's her last chance. I know she's determined. Has he said anything to you?"

"You know, I think he just tries to keep all the girls happy while they're on their vacations," I said. "She might well be disappointed."

"She'll probably boast about it even if she doesn't get anywhere," Frankie grimaced. "She's never been with a guy, but her friends think she's quite...you know...experienced."

I grinned at her. "Poor Jasper has his work cut out for him then, escaping her clutches."

Frankie giggled and gave my arm a squeeze. I spent most of the evening with her, either standing around watching the band, sitting talking or having a few dances together. Predictably Cassie hung around Jasper constantly when he finished playing and he danced with her several times, but resisted her rather obvious attempts to encourage him to leave the barn with her. He did give her a kiss, but it was brief and he kept his mouth closed. Cassie had her arms wound around his neck, her body pressed up against his and he looked uncomfortable as he did his best to extricate himself from her while trying not to make it obvious that he was doing that. By the time the evening was over the smile on his face seemed forced and he was avoiding looking at me. Cassie was still glued to his side when I left to walk Frankie back to her cabin.

I returned to my own cabin and watched from the window in my room for a while until I noticed all the lights go out in the barn and several come on in the house. It was clear that everyone had retired for the night and I pulled out my phone quickly and tapped out a short text to Jasper, saying simply, 'I love you. E.x.'

Within seconds, my phone vibrated, not with a text response, but with a call and I answered quickly.

"I love you too," Jasper's voice whispered. "Are you ok to talk?"

"Yes," I answered quietly.

"I feel horrible about tonight. That..."

"Cassie, I know," I interrupted. "It doesn't matter."

"I fucking hate not being able to be myself," he sighed.

"I know," I repeated. "At least Cassie's family is leaving tomorrow afternoon."

"Yeah, she's been the worst one for a while. Usually I don't mind it too much, but now I have you, I hate having to pretend and look like I'm enjoying it."

"Will we be able to ride together tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yes, we should have the whole day. Dad and Bob are taking the bachelors out again, a couple of the other guys are riding with the other family and your folks. I thought of another place we can go too. Actually Emmett suggested it, although he thought I might make use of it tonight with…her." I could imagine his grimace as he said this. "It's an old shack near the border of the McCartys' land. They haven't used it in years and he says no one ever goes near it. We should be safe there."

"I can't wait," I said, relieved that the close shave earlier hadn't spoiled things for us.

We talked for a few more minutes and then ended the call to go to bed. I was exhausted and I was asleep almost immediately my head hit the pillow.

When I woke, I almost expected to find Jasper wrapped around me the way he had been by the lake, but I was alone of course, my morning wood throbbing insistently under the bed covers. I ignored it and took a cool shower, not wanting to waste it before I saw Jasper and hoping that the place he was going to take me to would give us the opportunity to play again.

We were able to enjoy the entire day without interruption. We rode off in the direction of the McCarty ranch and easily discovered the shack, which was actually more of a small barn, close to the perimeter between the two properties. The horses were able to shelter from the sun and also keep out of sight of prying eyes and Jasper and I spent our time mostly in each other's arms. When we weren't kissing, touching, tasting and making further use of the lube, we cuddled and talked, making the most of every minute. The only disadvantage was that in the absence of the lake, we weren't able to bathe, although Jasper had brought tissues which we soaked from our water bottles to wipe away smears of lube and cum, more than once.

When we returned an hour before dinner, Cassie and Frankie's family were almost ready to leave and the girls immediately came to us to say goodbye. I didn't miss Frankie's smug look at her sister before she stepped into my arms for a hug and I kissed her cheek warmly, promising to keep in touch by email. Then they were gone and Jasper's look of relief was obvious when he discreetly wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

Sunday morning, the Whitlocks would of course go to church as usual. Mom and Dad suggested taking a trip to Fort Worth for the day to see the Stockyards and perhaps take in a rodeo in the evening. I had hoped to at least see Jasper for part of the afternoon and over Sunday lunch, but at the same time I did like the idea of the trip. However, when we went over to the house for breakfast, I was surprised when Jasper came into the kitchen wearing his usual jeans and a t-shirt. Everyone else was already seated around the table, the bachelors talking and laughing loudly and fighting over the coffee jug.

"Jasper, why aren't you dressed?" Marcie asked as she passed him a dish of bacon to carry to the table. Immediately Mick's eyes landed on his son.

"I thought perhaps I could stay behind today." He gave me a brief glance and I knew he hoped to be able to spend a couple extra hours with me. I bit my lip, wishing I'd sent him a text earlier to tell him about the day out, but I'd assumed he would be busy all morning.

"Stay behind? Why?" Mick demanded.

"I have stuff to do, Dad. A form college wanted filling in and…"

"You can do that any time. Get upstairs and get changed for church."

I stared down at my plate, feeling Jasper's discomfort as he coloured up under the gaze of several of the guests.

"Dad, can't I miss just one…?" he began defiantly.

"Do as you're told!" Mick bellowed and immediately everyone else fell silent, even the group of young guys cringing and dropping their eyes to the table. I felt my own face flushing with embarrassment as Jasper left the room and I wondered why he had chosen to defy his father over something as important to the family as going to church.

Jasper returned ten minutes later in smart pants, shirt and tie and slipped silently into the seat beside me. He didn't look at me or speak and he barely ate as the rest of us tucked into breakfast around him. He was up again and helping to clear away the dishes almost before the last coffee mug had been drained and Mom and Dad urged me to go with them and get ready to leave for the day. Mom had a brief word to Marcie to let her know we wouldn't be wanting any more meals that day and then we were on the way back to the cabin to get a few things together before leaving.

"That poor boy, his father treats him like a child," Mom commented as we got in the car.

"Church is important to them," I said absently.

"Well, he must have known how Mick would react, so I'm surprised he argued," Dad said, turning the car out of the yard.

I didn't answer. I knew Jasper was probably frustrated that we wouldn't get much time together that day and the end of my trip was now in sight, just six days away. We planned to leave Saturday to get an evening flight, which meant only five more days. I pulled my phone out as I slouched in the back of the car and sent him a message, realising that I was making the first move in contacting him for the second time, something that I would never have done a few weeks ago except with Ben.

'Are you ok?' I asked.

'Yes, sorry. It was stupid to argue about church, I knew Dad would make me go. I guess I'm just pissed over my situation.'

'Sorry I didn't let you know I'm not around today,' I typed. 'My parents decided this morning. Going to Fort Worth and a rodeo.'

'Enjoy. Get dinner in Billy Bob's if you can, they do the best ribs and have live music sometimes. Can I see you tonight?'

'Midnight ride?' I suggested, suppressing a smile.

'Might be later than that if you're seeing a rodeo. Text me. I love you.'

'Love you too.'

"Edward, who are you talking to?" Mom asked me then.

"Jasper," I answered without thinking. "He…uh…he wanted to suggest a place to have dinner in Fort Worth. Billy Bob's."

"We'll look out for it," Dad said.

I did enjoy the day out, although I couldn't get Jasper out of my mind. I hoped his father wasn't continuing to give him a hard time, but he sent me another message later on to say they were back from church and that he was in his room, thinking about me.

I spent a good portion of the day sight-seeing, Mom taking photographs of everything. We bought a few souvenirs to take home and I bought myself a hat, although I didn't plan on giving up Jasper's hat until we left to go home. Dad purchased tickets to the rodeo for that evening and we ate dinner in Billy Bob's, wading through a huge supply of mouthwatering ribs which was repeatedly replenished until we were unable to eat another bite.

The rodeo was great fun and I only wished I could have been sharing it with Jasper. By the time we left it was after ten o'clock and the drive back to the ranch would take around two hours. I sent Jasper a text as we passed Dublin, arranging to meet him by the paddock as soon as I could slip out of the cabin.

It was almost one o'clock by the time Mom and Dad had finished in the bathroom and gone to their room. I took a quick shower and then rather than wait for them to fall asleep in order to slip out of the cabin door, I climbed out of my window. It was wide and low and positioned on the farthest wall from my parents' room. I managed to get out without making a sound and pushed the window almost closed behind me, hoping I would be able to return the same way without being caught.

Jasper was waiting by the paddock when I arrived, Sandy already bridled and tied to the gate.

"Sorry I was so long," I whispered.

"It's ok. We won't go too far." Jasper opened the gate to lead Sandy out and I looked around for Harriet's bridle and the saddles, but saw nothing. "We're gonna double up," Jasper explained.

"With no saddle?" I asked anxiously.

"You'll be safe, I ride like this a lot. We won't be going fast."

"Ok."

He gave me a leg up, instructing me to hold onto the horse's mane while he manouevred her alongside the fence and climbed up, swinging a leg over her back and settling himself behind me, his body pressed tightly against mine. He slid one arm around my waist and held me, gripping the reins in his free hand to guide the horse. I rested against his chest, my lips stretching into a smile as he kissed my ear.

"I could get used to riding like this," I said.

"Me too. Trouble is, I'm getting hard already."

"I can tell," I smirked, feeling the firm pressure of his crotch against my butt. "I missed you today."

"I thought you'd have been enjoying yourself too much to think about me."

"Not a chance. It was good, but I wanted to be with you. Jasper, why did you argue with your Dad about church?"

"You mean because I obviously knew he'd react like that? I don't know, it was stupid. I was just pissed when I woke up because this time next week you'll be gone and I don't know what's going to happen. It's a long time until I go to college and I can't even think about doing anything before then." His arm tightened around my waist and he pressed his face into my neck for a moment. "Are you serious about me, Edward?"

"Aren't I obvious enough?" I asked in surprise. "I love you. I never felt like this about anyone and I didn't think I would for a long time. The thought of leaving here next weekend…well, I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to be without you."

"Will you wait? If it takes me a while to figure out how I can be with you, will you wait for me?"

"Of course I'll wait," I said at once. "As long as I have to. What were the words of that song you were singing to me on Friday?"

"I'll wait for you at Heaven's gate; oh, I don't care how long it takes; and I'll tell St Pete I can't come in, without my love and my best friend. Oh, this ain't nothing new, sweetheart, I'll wait for you," Jasper sang softly in my ear. "You mean that one?"

"Yeah, that one," I said thickly, suddenly feeling as if I might burst into tears. "I'll wait in Forks though, or Seattle, not at Heaven's gate, I hope."

"Fuck," Jasper muttered and sniffed loudly. "I don't know what's wrong with me today; I'm being a complete…fag." He laughed softly and brushed his lips over my cheek again. "Sorry."

"It's ok. Believe me, I'm going to be crying buckets this time next week."

We didn't talk for the rest of the short ride, which led us to a slight dip in the flat ground and a few spindly looking trees. Jasper tied Sandy to one of them and we sat on the sparse grass, cuddling and kissing until inevitably things grew heated, our brief period of sadness forgotten. Jasper had brought the lube with him and we were soon naked. I lay on our two shirts while Jasper took things one more small step forwards, kneeling between my thighs with my cock in his mouth and his fingers inside me, gradually stretching me so that I could take a third finger. I felt a small amount of discomfort, but he was careful and patient and when I came I was imagining that it was his cock filling me, the copious amounts of lube he used being his seed.

Afterwards we held each other tight, Jasper reaching completion by rubbing himself between my thighs, his body thrusting urgently against mine, warm breath fanning my neck as he panted for breath.

"Are you ok?" he asked me when he could breathe again and our heartbeats had slowed to something close to normal.

"I'm fine."

"It didn't hurt?"

"Hardly at all." I paused for a moment, my pulse quickening again. Should I broach the subject or wait for him to do it? I knew he felt the same way I did and I knew how much he wanted me. I barely felt any shyness with him now, despite only a few days ago feeling mortified at the thought of him even touching certain parts of me. "I'm ready," I said.

"To make love?"

"Yeah."

"Jeez." His arms tightened around me and he squeezed until I could barely breathe.

"You do still want to...?"

"Christ, yes. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since we talked about it before. It's just...a big thing. I don't want to fuck it up. I mean, I'll probably come in about five seconds, but I mean I don't want it to be lousy for you or painful or..."

I pressed my fingers to his lips to shut him up. "It won't be lousy. It doesn't matter if it's over in five seconds or it's uncomfortable at first or we fumble around like..." I laughed slightly. "...the first-timers we are. It'll still be perfect."

"How is it you always know exactly the right thing to say?" Jasper asked when I took my hand away from his mouth.

"I don't know, it must be the effect you have on me. I was always an expect at saying the wrong thing, or saying nothing at all before now."

"I love you." His lips touched mine. "I want you. I can't wait to be with you...in you."

"When?" I asked, my heart racing again.

"We're gonna need sleep tomorrow night after this. Tuesday?"

"Yes," I agreed at once. Two more days and we would make love for the first time.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

**Edward's POV**

The cabin was completely silent when I climbed back through the window into my room. I undressed quietly in the darkness and slipped into bed, my heart racing as several minutes passed and it became clear that I hadn't been heard by my parents.

Despite the late hour, I found it difficult to relax enough to sleep. All I could think about was that in two days' time I would no longer be a virgin and that my first time was to be with a boy who loved me, a boy that I had dreamed of and longed for, imagining my wishes to be in vain. I wondered if he was lying awake thinking about the same things.

Eventually I slept, but when Mom knocked on the door to wake me, I felt as if I'd barely had time to close my eyes. I yawned discreetly all through breakfast, noticing Jasper's tired look and shadowed eyes when I glanced at him. We really needed to catch up on some sleep before Tuesday.

With Cassie and Frankie's family gone, there were some empty places around the table. The bachelors and the family with the four children were both there until the end of the week, but no new visitors were expected for a few days, which left Jasper and me together. Mom and Dad were getting along well with the other couple and because two of their kids were too young to be out for the day without their parents, Jasper wasn't required to help supervise anyone else.

We returned to the McCartys' deserted barn that day and managed to get an hour or two of sleep, then fell upon each other like starving animals. Jasper had brought the lube as usual and he took his time carefully stretching me with three fingers, whispering dirty words in my ear as he made me come. My nervousness about our first time was diminishing and instead I was excited, so much so that when I chatted to Ben that evening, I admitted what we were planning when he asked, 'Have you done the deed yet?' He expressed surprise at my answer, but I didn't elaborate or tell him I was in love with Jasper; I wanted to keep most things to myself.

Tuesday we rode out to the lake. We had decided not to risk playing out there again, but on this occasion we weren't intending to let things get heated between us, preferring to save it for the evening. Mick was planning on taking Marcie into Dublin after dinner for a rare night out, which meant it would be easy for Jasper to slip out of the house. I would simply leave the cabin after my parents had gone to bed.

I lay on top of my bed covers, my heart thudding loudly as I listened to the shower running and Mom's voice talking to Dad. Eventually they stopped moving around and I checked my phone for the time, wondering if Jasper was already outside waiting for me. It was only eleven o'clock and I left it another fifteen minutes until I could hear Dad's soft snoring before I rose silently and tiptoed, boots in hand, out of my room and left the cabin.

I met Jasper by the paddock gate where he waited with Sandy, it being clear he meant for us to ride her together as we had before. He didn't speak as I reached him, but kissed me warmly and then gave me a leg up onto the horse. When he climbed up behind me, he wrapped an arm tightly around me as we began to move and I leaned back against his chest, my head on his shoulder. His lips teased my ear and my neck as we rode and I could feel the hard pressure of his crotch against my butt. My cock stiffened, rising easily in the loose pants I was wearing and I groaned softly as Jasper's hand lowered and began to stroke me. I squirmed against him, desperate for more contact, but fearing it would all be over before it started if he continued. Reluctantly I grasped his hand and pulled it back up to my stomach.

"I'll come in my pants before we even get there," I sighed and he chuckled, warm breath fanning my neck.

"Maybe we should have fooled around earlier after all. We're both gonna last about a minute. I know I will when my cock feels what it's like inside you."

I moaned again, feeling myself tremble slightly. "If you come in my mouth first, you'll last longer," I suggested, my face warming at my words. I giggled at the sound of Jasper sucking his breath in sharply through his teeth. Even as little as a week ago I would never have said anything like that without dying of embarrassment, but with him it just didn't matter. It was becoming easier and more natural to me to just blurt out what was in my head without fearing an unfavourable reaction.

"Damn it, Edward, if you keep talking like that we're gonna have to stop so you can suck me right away."

We rode on, mostly in silence, both painfully aroused until at last the barn came into sight. The moon was fatter now, casting more light onto the earth and we could see easily enough as we slid down from Sandy's back and led her into the building. Jasper tethered her in a corner and removed the rug that had covered her, then spread it out in another corner for us to lie on. He emptied his pockets before he sat down, removing the lube from one and a large wad of tissues from the other.

I took my boots off and lowered myself to the ground, my heart now beginning to hammer with the nerves I thought had been left behind. My hands were shaking and I folded them together between my knees, trying to make myself relax again. Suddenly what I had imagined would be clumsily perfect had me fearing discomfort, maybe even complete failure to loosen up so that he couldn't even get in me. I raised one hand and dragged my fingers through my hair, then repeated the action with the other hand and chewed my lip.

"You haven't done that in a while." Jasper kicked off his boots, sat down and grasped both of my hands in his. "I'm nervous too, you know. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm being stupid," I said.

"No, you're not. It's a big step. I think if we had met in different circumstances, where we could date properly and had as much time as we wanted, we wouldn't be rushing it the way we are."

"Yeah, I guess."

"We don't have to do it, you know."

"I want to. You're my wish come true, remember?" I laughed shakily. "What if this is the only chance we ever get?"

"It won't be. Somehow, some day we'll be together again, Edward. We have to be. Your wish came true; so will mine one day."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too." He released my hands and slid his arms around me instead, his lips brushing gently over mine.

We spent a long time kissing, tentatively to begin with as if it were our first kiss all over again. Gradually pieces of clothing began to come off until we were lying on the rug naked, hands stroking over each other's bodies, tongues caressing, hearts pounding and Jasper's erection nudging impatiently against my stomach. I was only semi-hard, still anxious, and it concerned me a little. I let Jasper take my mind off of it, grasping his leaking cock in my hand and pushing him onto his back so that I could crouch over him and take it in my mouth.

He was already close, his body trembling as I squeezed his balls lightly in one hand, stroking the other up and down his shaft while I sucked firmly on the upper half. I circled the tip with my tongue and dipped into his slit, tasting pre-cum and making him moan loudly. His hands were clenched at his sides, his hips bucking slightly, thighs trembling as he attempted to delay things. The feel of him, the taste of him and his obvious pleasure drove away my fears and I felt my cock bump against my belly as it filled eagerly, now craving attention. When he came I swallowed and continued sucking gently until he was pushing at my head and begging me to stop, his body shaking with sensitivity and laughter. I released him and lay down beside him, pressing my lips to his and letting him taste himself.

We lay together in silence while Jasper came down from the high of his orgasm and then eventually he turned to face me and moved closer until our bodies touched, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, lower legs entwined. I could feel his heartbeat as rapid as my own, his cock beginning to grow again and nudge mine. I was still half hard and I did my best to stop over-thinking things the way I often did. It would be fine, I told myself, but as much as I tried, I couldn't make myself relax properly.

Jasper's hand stroked lightly down my back and then up again, raising goose bumps on my flesh along the length of my spine. I closed my eyes and tucked my face into his neck, holding onto him as his fingers glided down again and traced circles on my butt, then drifted to the backs of my thighs.

"You're so tense," he murmured. "It won't be any different to what we did yesterday to start with."

"I know, I can't help it." I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, cursing my wilting erection and wondering if it was like this for everyone the first time.

"I love you so much," Jasper whispered. "Please, tell me if you don't want to..."

"Don't you want to?"

"Yes, I do, more than anything. But I don't want to if you're not ready."

"I am. Sorry, it's just...nerves getting the better of me."

"You worried it'll hurt?"

"Yeah. Or that I won't come."

"You will, I'll make sure of it." His lips touched my ear, then my neck where it joined my shoulder. "I love touching you." His hand stroked up my back again and then down. "Remember the first time you touched me? I barely lasted any time at all, I was so turned on having your hands on me."

"You didn't even get the chance to do the same," I said. "I came in my pants. I was mortified."

"And I thought you just regretted getting your hands on me and didn't want me doing the same." His fingers dipped between my legs, teasing the sensitive flesh of my inner thighs. "Turn over. Let me touch you."

I rolled away from him, resting on my stomach with my head on my arms the way I had the first time we experimented with the lube. Jasper was amazing, I thought. He knew exactly how I was feeling even without me telling him and this was why I had wanted him to be my first. He wouldn't discount or scoff at my feelings, or carry on regardless so long as he got to enjoy himself. I breathed out slowly and felt my body loosen up, my heart still racing, but my limbs boneless. His hand returned to my lower back, stroking gently in circles before moving lower to my butt again. I heard the click of the lube and the wet sound of him coating his other hand and I continued to breathe slow and deep, trying not to let myself tense up again.

He guided my legs apart and I tilted my hips up to give him better access. A slippery finger touched my perineum and then trailed up my ass crack to my hole and back down, making me shiver. My soft cock twitched and I squirmed against the rug. Jasper's finger was circling my hole now, occasionally pausing to press against the puckered skin, the tip dipping just inside me, but not trying yet to enter me properly. I heard myself moan and I spread my legs open wider. Jasper shifted his position and kneeled between them, his free hand continuing to caress my butt as he pushed the one finger into me.

"This ok?" he asked.

"Yes...feels good."

"You're so hot in there, so tight and soft."

I groaned, his words having just as much effect on me as his touch although my cock was still determinedly flaccid. It quivered now and then, but nerves continued to prevent it filling. Jasper's finger pumped slowly in and out of me and after a moment he added a second. I grunted in appreciation, enjoying the feel of it even though my body wasn't reacting the way I wanted it to. After the number of times we had already done this, two fingers caused me no discomfort and merely felt good.

Jasper removed his other hand from me and I heard him squeezing out more lube. I opened my eyes and glanced over my shoulder to see him stroking himself, his cock about half hard, glistening with lube as he coated it. He continued pumping it slowly, teasing himself to full hardness while the two fingers moved within me at the same pace.

"God, Jasper," I groaned suddenly and his eyes flew to my face, an almost guilty look on his own.

"I can't keep my hands off any longer," he smirked. "You feel so good and seeing my fingers going in you...imagining it's my cock...is making me need to come again."

"I want you to come in me," I said.

"Are you sure, Edward?"

"Yes, I'm ok, I promise," I told him. I was, I realised. At last my erection was growing again, a combination of the feel of him touching me and the sight of him touching himself, knowing how much I was arousing him was doing the same to me. Nervousness was fading and I longed to feel him properly – not just his fingers, but his cock filling me.

"I'm gonna get more lube." He withdrew the two fingers for a moment and then slid them back in, wetter and more slippery, gradually adding a third and stretching me more. "Feel ok?"

"Yeah." It burned, but I stayed relaxed until the discomfort went away. "I'm ready," I whispered.

He continued for another minute or two, thrusting his fingers slowly in and out and I rubbed myself against the rug, my face hidden in my arms and eyes closed. At last he withdrew from me again and I listened to him move around, apply even more lube, presumably to his erection and then lower himself over me. His warm, slippery cock nudged me and his chest rested on my back, one forearm lying beside mine to support his weight. His lips touched the back of my neck and I turned my head so that he could reach the corner of my mouth, placing another soft kiss there.

"Breathe," he murmured suddenly and I realised I was holding my breath, my fists clenched and my body rigid. I exhaled slowly and relaxed again, shivering at the feel of Jasper's cock sliding along my ass crack. He grasped it firmly, his knuckles brushing me as he lined himself up and I felt the spongy head push against me. It suddenly seemed impossibly big and I flinched involuntarily, clenching myself tight.

"Fuck...sorry..." I muttered.

He shifted his position a little and tried again, this time managing to push the tip of his cock into me. I stretched open and he slid forward, past the ring of muscle which immediately tightened up in response to the invasion. Pain shot up my back and I whimpered helplessly.

"Jas...stop...sorry..." I gasped. "I can't. Sorry."

In a second he had pulled out and was turning me over, his face anxious as he cupped my chin and made me look at him, despite my reluctance to meet his eyes. He continued to rest on top of me, his knees between mine taking some of his weight.

"Stop saying you're sorry, baby, if it hurts we won't do it."

"I don't know why I can't relax. I want this so much," I sighed. My erection had subsided again and I knew it must be obvious to him; his own throbbing cock was resting against it.

"Do you want to try a different position?" he suggested. "Maybe if you sit on me, you'll be in control of it."

"No." I shook my head and reached out to snag the bottle of lube. "Try it like this."

"Ok, hold on a second." Jasper pulled himself away from me and sat back on his heels, grabbing his jeans. I watched as he rolled them up, quickly realising his intention and I lifted my butt off the rug so he could slip the sausage-shaped pillow under me. "Comfortable enough?"

"Yeah." I squeezed lube into my palm and reached out to coat his already well-slicked cock in it. "A friend of mine told me there's no such thing as too much lube."

"A friend? You mean your internet buddy, Ben?"

"Yes, he had his first time not too long ago."

"Is he a bottom?"

"Yes."

"He tell you anything else?"

"Relax." I snorted softly. "Fail."

"We've been here before, remember. First time we touched. You had to try with me first, you were so tense."

"Are you saying you want me to fuck you first?" I blurted.

"I wasn't, but you can if you want to."

I smiled and shook my head. He really would do anything for me. "I'm ok. Try again."

He lowered himself over me, gripping his cock firmly in one hand and supporting his weight with the other, his forearm tucked under my neck. I drew my knees up, letting them fall outwards and breathed deep as he guided himself. Despite my longing to close my eyes and hide my face, I kept looking at him, his teeth sinking into his lower lip, brows drawn slightly together as the head of his cock slid over my hole and then back the other way. Then suddenly it was inside me, slipping carefully past the tight inner ring before holding still.

"Is it ok?" he panted.

"Yeah." I slid my arms around his back, resting my hands on his butt and feeling the muscles there knotted with tension. He pushed forward a little more, slowly stretching me open to accommodate his size. It burned, but I breathed through it, fighting not to tense up. He stopped moving again, removing his hand from his cock now and resting the other arm beside my head.

"Fuck, you feel amazing," he whispered. "So hot and tight. I could come like this without even moving."

"You're not all the way in yet." I pressed my hands down on his butt and he slid in smoothly until his balls came to rest against me and his body shuddered, a deep groan rumbling up from his chest.

"Christ Almighty," he gasped. "Tell me how it feels for you."

"Tight," I said. "Full. Stretched, but it doesn't really hurt any more. You can move if you want."

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you."

He pulled back then, a couple inches at most before burying himself deep again.

"Jeez...fuck...so close already," he groaned.

"I'm ok, Jasper, just do it," I encouraged. "Fuck me."

He began to move, slowly at first, shallow thrusts back and forth, awkward and clumsy. I tried to move with him, pushing up under him and mainly only succeeding in upsetting his rhythm. I was still soft, but gradually it was beginning to feel good, the copious amounts of lube making the movement easy and the discomfort almost gone. I removed one hand from his back and slipped it between us, stroking my cock and urging it to respond. Jasper propped himself up a little more to give me room, changing the angle of his thrusts slightly and causing his shaft to drag over my prostate. It was exactly what was needed to send my blood rushing from my pounding heart to fill my cock and I hardened rapidly with a sudden gasp of pleasure.

"I'm gonna come," Jasper panted suddenly. "Sorry...feels too fucking...good!"

I felt it as he lost control, his cock jerking inside me, his body shaking and his hips moving awkwardly once or twice more. Then he was filling me with warm spurts of cum, a jumble of curses spilling from his mouth mixed in with my name. I moved my hand faster, desperate to catch up, wanting to finish before he slipped out of me.

"Don't move...please," I begged before he had a chance to move away. He grinned and stayed where he was, his still hard cock deep within me, warm breath fanning my cheek as he panted for breath.

"Make yourself come," he encouraged. "Come for me, Edward. Let me feel it."

"Almost there," I gasped. "So close."

"Could you feel it when I came?" he whispered.

"Yes...warm...wet...fuck!" I felt myself tighten around him as I finished, shooting my load between us onto his belly and my own. I took my hand away quickly and wiped it on the rug before I folded my arm around him again. This was it, our first time and as awkward and uncomfortable as it had been at first, it was just as I had assured him it would be when he had been worried about it – clumsy and perfect. Suddenly I was drowning in my feelings for him and the fact that I had given myself to him and I hugged him tighter, burying my face in his hair and shivering as I felt him slip from me and rest between my thighs.

"Edward?"

"Uh..." I couldn't speak, my throat tight with tears.

"What's wrong? Tell me," Jasper said anxiously.

"I...I just..." I choked. "Sorry...overcome, I guess."

"I kind of feel like that too." He pulled his head back and I forced my wet eyes open to meet his. "I love you, Edward. It's gonna kill me letting you go at the weekend."

"I know. Me too."

"I meant what I said earlier. Somehow I'll get away from here and be with you again. This is too important. I can't lose you."

"I'll wait for you," I told him. "No matter how long it takes."

We didn't speak for a little while then. Jasper sat up slowly, reluctantly almost, as I lay still, watching as he cleaned himself up with some of the tissues he had brought. He wadded them up afterwards and shoved them into one of the pockets of his jeans, then picked up the remainder.

"Let me?"

"Yeah."

He wiped the wet stickiness off of my belly and my cock, then between my legs, although I suspected I would leak more as soon as I sat up. When he was done he lay down again and slid his arms around me, his lips touching my ear.

"Do you dream about the future?" he asked softly.

"Sometimes."

"Ever think about a future with me?"

"All the time in the last few days," I admitted.

"Me too. I imagine us going to college together, going to sleep together like this every night..."

"...waking up together every morning," I put in. "Do you think it'll really happen? I mean, you'd have to leave everything behind. Your whole life."

"Don't you think I want to? What is there to keep me here, Edward? What do I have other than Sandy? My Dad would whip the skin off of me if he knew I'm in love with a boy. I don't think even Emmett would support me if he knew I'm gay. My future here is working on the ranch for the rest of my life, marrying some girl I could never love, every day longing for something else. I want you, Edward. There's nothing else as important to me as you."

"You're the most important thing to me too," I said at once. "My wish come true."

**A/N - I was delighted to hear that "Torn" has been nominated for Top 10 Fics Completed in October at twifanfictionrecs dot com so if you read the story and enjoyed it, I'd be really grateful for your vote. Thank you :o)**


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

**Edward's POV**

I didn't make it back to my bed until almost five o'clock and then despite my exhaustion from lack of sleep, excitement kept me awake. I went over and over it in my head - my first time..._our _first time...mine and Jasper's. He had been amazing. I knew he had been nervous too, but he had put everything into helping me feel at ease and making sure I was ok. It wasn't perfect - far from it and my ass burned insistently in evidence - but even my failure to get hard at first and my difficulty in relaxing didn't embarrass me in the aftermath. Everything simply made me even more aware of how much Jasper loved me.

When daylight came and a little while later I heard Mom making coffee, I got up and went to shower, grinning stupidly as I washed away the remains of Jasper's fluid from the insides of my thighs. Would we get one more opportunity before I left? Certainly not today, I was sore and my back hurt a little, but I still hoped there would be another chance before Saturday. Perhaps then I would have the courage to try riding him as he suggested.

"You look tired, Edward. Didn't you sleep well?" Mom asked when I emerged from the bathroom. Immediately I felt my face redden and I wondered if it was possible to tell by looking at a person that they were no longer a virgin.

"I...um...I'm ok, I guess it was a long day yesterday," I said.

"Well, maybe you should rest today, just take a walk or something."

"No!" I almost snapped. "I mean...um...there's only three days left, I want to make the most of it. I'm actually starting to wish I had my own horse," I rambled.

"Well, you know, Edward, if you're serious we can always look at buying one," Dad put in. "I know your mother misses her horses. She could ride it when you're in college."

"Oh, Carlisle," Mom said, beaming.

I turned away, relieved that the attention was taken away from me again. I helped myself to a coffee and went back to my room to check my iPad for messages from Ben. Sure enough there was one although he wasn't online.

'Can you still sit down?' Then an emoticon blushing bright red. 'Tell me how it went. I knew you'd be getting extra riding lessons sooner or later, lol.'

'It was perfect,' I typed. 'Jasper is amazing. Not giving you details though! Talk soon, just heading over to the house for breakfast.'

After the meal, I returned to the cabin with Mom and Dad to collect my hat and quickly clean my teeth. My parents were still organising themselves when I left and made my way to the barn to meet Jasper. Sandy was already saddled and he was waiting for me in Harriet's stall.

"Hey, gorgeous," he whispered.

"Hey."

"Are you ok?"

"Better than ok."

"I mean, are you ok to ride? You flinched when you sat down at breakfast," Jasper grimaced.

"Oh, God," I groaned, my face burning.

"Is it that bad? I'm sorry..."

"I'm fine, just a little sore."

"We'll go slow, maybe just head over to Emmett's barn and rest up. Did you get any sleep?"

"None," I admitted and grinned. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

"Me neither."

We stopped talking and fifteen minutes later we rode out of the yard. We let the horses walk for most of the way to the border between the properties and spent several hours in the barn, lying talking, dozing for a while, inevitably kissing and touching later. We made the most of every minute together before we had to return to the ranch, neither of us voicing the fact that our time was running out.

Thursday was much the same, with a long slow ride, cuddles and play with hands and mouths before riding back. Jasper had suggested another late ride after the dance on Friday and it would probably be the last chance we got to be alone - to make love. My soreness was gone and I couldn't wait for it to happen again, but this time fate wasn't on our side. By the time the dance was in full swing, the heavens opened with a rare and much needed thunderstorm, torrential rain soaking everything and putting an end to our plans for the night. Jasper, Mick and two of the ranchers who were in attendance raced to the paddock to bring the horses in, while I returned to the cabin with my parents, my heart sinking into my boots as I realised that riding in the downpour was completely out of the question. I was drenched simply from running the sort distance from the barn to the cabin and I stripped off quickly in my room and put on dry clothes.

It was an hour before I received a text message from Jasper. I was alone in my room, chatting to Ben and I snatched up my phone quickly, my heart thumping as I knew the message must be from Jasper.

'Can you meet me in Harriet's stall?'

'On my way,' I replied at once and quickly interrupted the conversation with Ben to tell him I was going to meet Jasper. I took out the waterproof jacket I had brought with me, which so far hadn't been used, and slipped it on, wondering what excuse I could come up with to my parents. It was barely nine o'clock and they wouldn't be going to bed for hours yet. I opened my door and found them curled up on the couch watching television.

"Surely you're not going out in this, Edward," Mom said in surprise.

"Well...um...Jasper texted me," I said truthfully. "The storm is upsetting a couple of the horses. Harriet's kind of used to me so..."

Dad grinned. "Turning into a regular horse whisperer. Go on then. Don't be too late, ok."

"Sure." Heaving a sigh of relief, I stepped into my boots and pulled my hood up, then let myself out into the deluge. The rain was so heavy that I could barely see through it and I splashed through the mud to the barn, keeping my head down and hoping I wouldn't slip and end up flat on my face. The hard baked earth was unused to such a soaking and most of the water was remaining on the surface, forming slippery pools of mud.

Jasper was waiting for me in the corner of Harriet's stall, but I was surprised to find she wasn't there. Then I glanced around and spotted her head looking over the door of Sandy's stall.

"Sandy gets skittish when there's thunder, Harriet usually calms her down," Jasper said.

"Aww."

"Sap." He pulled me toward him, sliding his arms around my waist and leaning back against the side of the stall. "What did you tell your parents?"

"Mostly the truth. You sent me a text saying some of the horses were scared of the storm."

"Let's sit down."

I removed the waterproof jacket and sat on the straw beside Jasper, both of us quickly turning toward each other and sinking lower in each other's arms. I tucked my face into his neck, his damp hair brushing my cheek as he hugged me tighter.

"I don't want to let you go," he murmured. "I almost can't believe that this time tomorrow you'll be gone."

"I'll probably end up telling my parents on the journey," I said. "They're going to want to know why I'm crying my eyes out otherwise."

"Text me when you get to Dallas and when you get home, ok? I'll call you when I can," Jasper promised. "And email every night."

"I'll send you more photos," I promised. "My room and home and..."

"...you," Jasper put in. "I want more of you so I've got something to look at until I see you again. Fuck, it's a long time until September."

"I know." Two months still, I thought. It was only the middle of July and even when Jasper went to college in Dallas, there was no guarantee he would be able to get away, at least not immediately.

"I will come to you, Edward, somehow, some day," he promised.

"I know you will. My wish came true after all. Ours will too."

"I'm not sure I really believe that, but I do think fate brought us together for a reason. _I'll _make it come true." He stopped talking and pushed me back a few inches, stroking my face as I looked up at him. His cheeks were wet and so were mine. I was the one to lean in again and bring our lips together and I poured everything into the kiss - everything I felt for him concentrated in my lips while my heart banged against my ribs and blood thundered in my ears. It didn't deepen, but it continued until we were forced apart by the need to breathe and then we simply held each other, my head resting against Jasper's chest, the uneven thump of his heart matching mine.

I opened my eyes with a start as Jasper shot away from me and I realised two things at once - we had fallen asleep and we had been found. I began to shake as I looked up at the towering form of Mick Whitlock, soaked through and with rain dripping from his hair into his eyes. His wet shirt was stretched tight across the bulging muscles of his chest and arms and his left hand gripped Jasper's right bicep in a vice. My heart missed a couple of beats before it began to race and I licked my lips fearfully. All I could think about now was that this bigoted man had whipped his son for kissing a boy and that he was likely to do it again.

"Get to the house and go to your room," Mick said through his teeth, releasing Jasper's arm.

"Dad..." Jasper began.

"Move!" The big man gave Jasper a sudden shove in the direction of the open stable door, almost sending him to his knees as he stumbled forward. "I don't want to even look at you. Filthy, disgusting, unnatural...!" Mick spat.

Jasper looked back at me, his face pale and frightened and I worried that he would argue and try to stay with me.

"Go, I'm ok," I said.

"You! Get up!" ordered Mick and I pulled myself to my feet shakily, telling myself to stand my ground, but I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. He won't hurt me, I told myself. Dad will have him arrested. He's only thirty yards away, he'll hear me if I shout.

Thunder crashed overhead and Sandy squealed in her stall, hooves thudding against the wood as she kicked out. Dad wouldn't hear a thing and Jasper had now slipped out of the barn to return to the house.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "We weren't doing anything."

"Shut your dirty mouth! We'll see what your father has to say about this. Does he know what kind of son he has, huh?"

I shook my head.

"Your sort are cropping up everywhere," Mick muttered, his jaw twitching as he reached out suddenly and gripped my arm in much the same way he had held Jasper's. I flinched in pain as his fingers squeezed my flesh like steel bands and then I almost lost my footing as he turned and charged out of the stall, dragging me with him. I didn't dare say anything else and I simply scurried after him, gritting my teeth against the pain in my arm and praying to God that Dad would be as understanding as I hoped. Maybe he wouldn't be; maybe he would be ashamed that I'd caused him embarrassment in front of our hosts; maybe he wouldn't even want to look at me the same way Mick didn't want to look at Jasper.

By the time we reached the cabin, hot tears were squeezing out of my eyes, disguised only by the rain which had drenched me in seconds. I stood trembling as Mick hammered on the door with his fist and seconds later it flew open to reveal Dad, his face a mask of surprise, which quickly slipped into concern.

"What's going on? Edward, what have you done?"

Mick released my arm and gave me a hard push, causing me to trip over the doorstep and practically fall into Dad's arms. Immediately he gripped me firmly and held me up, ignoring the water soaking from me into his clothes.

"What do you think you're doing, manhandling my son?" he demanded quietly.

"What am _I_ doing? Are you even aware what _he's_ been doing? Dirty little faggot corrupting my boy with his sick, unnatural ideas!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dad responded.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, probably too quietly for even Dad to hear. "I'm sorry." My voice gave out and I began to cry in earnest. Mom appeared the other side of me and pulled me away from Dad, wrapping her arms around me.

"You mean you don't know he's chasing after other boys? Chasing after _my_ boy? Turning his head away from the decent, normal life he has in front of him? I don't like fags on my property, Cullen..."

"Of course I know Edward's gay," Dad interrupted quietly. "He's my son and I love him. What ever choices he makes are his own to make. What I don't appreciate is you coming over here, practically breaking the door down and insulting me and my boy with your archaic, bigoted nonsense. This is your home and you're entitled to your opinion, but I won't have you hurting or upsetting Edward and you certainly have no right speaking to me the way you have done."

"You _know? _Don't you care?" Mick asked incredulously, his voice lower now. I wasn't able to see his expression, my face was hidden against Mom's shoulder, her hand stroking my wet hair as I sat silently crying beside her on the couch.

"What I care about is that Edward is happy and safe and that he gets what he wants out of life. Now, I would suggest you attend to your own family and leave me to do the same with mine. We'll be leaving first thing in the morning," Dad said.

"Damn right you will," responded Mick and then I heard the door slam closed as he took himself off.

"It's alright, Edward," Mom said softly. "You're alright."

"Dad?" I raised my head miserably, wondering if the words he had spoken were true, or whether he'd only been saying them in front of Mick. He sat down the other side of me and patted my knee.

"Edward, we love you. You heard what I just said to that bigoted jerk."

"Did you know?" I knew my face was bright red behind the tears and I lowered my eyes from his face.

"No, we didn't know."

"I suspected," Mom said.

"Esme?" Dad queried.

"I suspected, but I thought you'd tell us in your own time if I was right."

"Well, I didn't, but I meant every word you just heard me say. You're our son and you have to make your own choices in life. I'm sure your mother will miss having a horde of grandchildren to spoil in a few years, but you have our support, completely, so don't worry about that."

"Thanks, Dad," I sniffed, rubbing my hands over my face. "I was going to tell you when we got home."

"So, are you going to tell us about Jasper?" asked Mom. "Did Mick catch you?"

"We weren't doing anything!" I exclaimed, my face burning even hotter. "We were talking in one of the horse's stalls. I guess we fell asleep and Mick saw us."

"How long has this been going on?" Dad wondered.

"Um...a couple of weeks. The first Friday we were here, Beth was chasing after me and the next day Jasper kept asking me about it and about girls in general. I blurted out that I'm gay and he said he was too. His Dad..." I shuddered. "His Dad caught him once before. He's probably going to hurt him." Fear filled me and I straightened up, wondering if I should tell my parents the whole story. Could Dad help Jasper, even at the risk of going against the angry Mick? However, as I was debating whether or not to elaborate, my phone beeped with a message and I pulled it out of my pocket quickly.

"Are you ok?' It was just like him to be more concerned about me. 'I'm in my room. He didn't do anything, he says he doesn't want to have to look at me, that's all. Is your Dad angry?'

'No,' I typed quickly. 'Both my parents are amazing. Glad you're ok, I love you.'

I heaved a sigh of relief. "He's alright," I said. "I'm really sorry you had to find out like this. I've been wanting to tell you for a while and I didn't really think you'd be mad, I just...was worried."

"It doesn't matter, Edward, at least we know now. I'm only sad that you've been worrying about this for however long it's been."

"I've known since I was a kid," I said. "About thirteen or thereabouts anyway. Thanks for being so understanding."

Mom gave me a comforting hug and got to her feet. "Now we're all soaked, we'd better get some dry things on. Go and get a hot shower, Edward, and I'll make some drinks."

I stood under the hot water for a long time. I was a little overwhelmed by my parents' reaction to the news and despite thinking they probably wouldn't condemn me, it was still an enormous relief to know that they completely supported me. Jasper's text had been another big relief and he'd sent me a second message a few minutes later, saying that he loved me and as much as he had wanted a chance to say goodbye properly, it was probably just as well because we would end up crying. I was still crying now, the shower washing away the seemingly endless supply of tears which poured out of my eyes. In just a few hours we would be on our way back to Washington. I wouldn't be able to feel Jasper's arms around me again, feel his lips on mine, his voice whispering softly in my ear for a long time. There was a chance it would never happen, however much he vowed he would leave Texas and come to me and it broke my heart to leave him behind, just as I had known it would.

By the time I put on pyjamas and went to join my parents again, I was exhausted and my head ached. Mom had made hot chocolate and I sipped mine gratefully and answered their questions as best I could. I had never had a boyfriend before Jasper; I had a friend online who I talked to; Alice Brandon had scared the crap out of me; I had hoped I might meet a boy in college, but now all I wanted was Jasper.

"You must realise this was just a holiday romance," Mom said.

"It's not. We love each other."

With my head down, I didn't see it, but I sensed them exchange glances before Dad spoke.

"Jasper comes into contact with a lot of different people every week. It's very likely that it wasn't any more than a...a dalliance for him."

"It wasn't like that," I protested. "You saw what his Dad's like. He's scared of getting caught. He kissed a boy one time last year; that's all."

"Edward, it's only been a couple of weeks and tomorrow, we'll be thousands of miles away. Even if you keep in touch with him..."

"Yes, I know," I interrupted. "It's impossible." I found it easier to agree with them. I felt too sad to go on with the conversation and I didn't want to dwell on the fact that they might be right. I had no doubt that Jasper did love me, but at the same time I knew how difficult it was for him. He had explained that he didn't know yet how he would be able to leave Texas and as determined as he was, it didn't mean it would happen any time soon. I might well just have to be patient, perhaps for much longer than I hoped.

I barely slept at all that night. I kept my phone beside me on the pillow, hoping for another message from Jasper as I imagined him lying in bed, thinking about me, worrying about facing his father in the morning. It was a relief that Mick hadn't hurt him, but I ached to be with him and I dreaded leaving, knowing it was unlikely I would even get to see him again.

By the time I dragged myself out of bed and dressed in the morning, Mom and Dad had already packed everything and all that was left to do was for me to pack my own case. I did it quickly, cramming everything in untidily and putting my iPad and a couple of other things in my hand luggage. Jasper's hat still hung on the hook on the back of the door and I wondered what to do with it. Should I leave it there for him? I debated for a few minutes and then tucked it into my bag along with the one I had bought. He had told me he had several and I knew if we had spoken about it, he would have told me to keep it.

Dad took everything out to the car and then Mom and I followed, none of us speaking until we were pulling out of the yard. I continued looking out of the windows in the hopes that I might catch one more glimpse of Jasper, but he was nowhere to be seen and my phone remained silent in my pocket. Despite my determination to control myself, tears began to slide down my face as we rolled along the dirt track to the road. I put my glasses on for the first time in almost two weeks and hung my head, hiding as much as possible from my parents although I knew Dad was repeatedly glancing at me in the rear view mirror to check I was ok.

It was a very long morning and by the time we reached the airport and returned the car to the hire company, my eyes were sore and my throat dry and gritty. My chest ached and I hated the thought of getting on the plane and travelling even further away from Jasper. I took my phone out to text him as he had requested, letting him know we were waiting for the plane and that I missed him and loved him. I held the phone in my hand for two hours until we boarded, waiting for a reply, but none came.

"Put it away, sweetheart," Mom said, giving my hand a squeeze as we took our seats. "Maybe it's for the best."

I slid the phone back into my pocket, but for the duration of the flight and the long drive home from Seattle to Forks, I waited anxiously for the beep of a text or the ring tone announcing a call. I had sent him one more message while we were waiting for our baggage in Seattle, but I had still not had a reply when we reached the house. I took my luggage from the car and headed up to my room where I remained until the next day. My parents didn't disturb me, no doubt realising I was best let alone in my unhappy silence.

I was torn between worrying that Jasper's Dad hadn't simply ignored him, but had punished him again the same way he had previously and that he was too hurt to contact me, or alternatively he had thought better of it. He had enjoyed the time we spent together, but now he thought it was just too difficult and that it was better to forget about me and do what was expected of him. I didn't really believe this latter option, but as much as it upset me to think it, I would rather imagine him simply not wanting me enough, than him having been whipped again, or worse.

That night I slept like the dead despite my fears and when I woke, my pillow was damp with tears, my eyes swollen and sore. I snatched up my phone immediately, but there was no message and no missed call. More than twenty-four hours since we left the ranch and almost thirty-six since I'd last seen Jasper's face. Would I ever see it again?


	14. Chapter 14

******A/N - warning. This will not be a pleasant chapter and includes violence. Feel free to skip it although it's only in the first half of the chapter; I can promise the next one will be better.**

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

******Jasper's POV**

'Both my parents are amazing. Glad you're ok, I love you.'

Edward's text filled me with relief. I didn't know the Cullens very well, but from what I'd seen and from what Edward told me, I couldn't imagine them turning against him when they learned he was gay, but it didn't stop me feeling guilty for the way they found out. I put Edward at risk, tempting fate by getting close to him in the barn. I knew at the time it was stupid, but letting us fall asleep...I was a fool.

I didn't expect Dad to leave things as they were. Sending me to my room was clearly to get me out of the way while he spoke to the Cullens and I'd been in two minds about arguing, until Edward encouraged me to go. It was obvious he was worried about what my father might do to me, so when I messaged him I made it sound ok, like I wasn't sitting in my room shaking so much I could barely hold the phone. I counted off the minutes and strained my ears to hear something, but the house was in complete silence, the only sound coming from the rain hurling itself against my window. I heard nothing from Marcie and I merely stayed where I was and waited.

The front door slammed a few minutes later as Dad came in and I heard him stomping around, banging things in the kitchen, but still he didn't come up. I relaxed a tiny amount and tried to actually think properly. If he didn't do anything to me it would be a miracle. Life was never going to be the same for me again if I stayed so really, what was stopping me leaving the house tonight and never coming back? I had very little money, but perhaps I could hitch. Maybe I could take Sandy; I could never leave her behind, but I couldn't exactly take her to Washington. Emmett might take her - he had been jealous as hell when she was born and I got to raise her from a foal and name her. He had a horse, but it was nothing special and he'd look after Sandy, certainly better than my father would. If I left her behind, she'd become one of the daily rides with a different person on her back every week or so. If I waited until Dad and Marcie were asleep, what was to stop me?

A couple of hours passed and still I was left alone. I guessed Edward would have gone to bed by now and I doubted I would get the opportunity to see him again before they left. They probably wouldn't come over to the house for breakfast if Dad had been his usual self when he spoke to Dr Cullen and I couldn't imagine Edward wanting to show his face either. I picked up my phone, considering texting him to tell him again how much I loved him and that I was determined I would be with him, but he was probably asleep. I placed the phone on the nightstand and lay back on my bed, simply waiting for something to happen.

Eventually I heard Dad's heavy tread on the stairs and then sounds from the bathroom - the toilet flushing and water running as he washed up and cleaned his teeth. My heart was still thumping unevenly as I waited to see if he would come and speak to me, or yell at me. The fact that he hadn't done anything yet was encouraging; he had a fierce temper, but when he exploded, he quickly calmed down again afterwards. He didn't usually hold himself back and then deal with whatever had upset him later on. However, on this occasion I was wrong. My door flew open suddenly and he loomed in the doorway. I sat up quickly and looked at him in the darkness.

"Dad?"

"Get up."

"Can we talk about this?" I ventured.

"Talk?" His eyes glittered as he stalked into the room.

"I can't help who I am," I said.

His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, jerking me to my feet. "Come with me."

"Let go!" I exclaimed. I figured that he was probably going to hurt me anyway, so I might as well at least try to stand up for myself. "I'm eighteen, Dad, an adult. You have no right to..."

My protest ended on a groan as the back of his hand caught me across the face. My jaw and cheekbone throbbed and I sucked my breath in through my teeth. I should have walked out when he was in the bathroom. Why did I just sit here awaiting my fate? I lifted my hand to rub my face as Dad released my other arm and caught a handful of my hair instead before heading for the door. I moved with him quickly, wincing as my hair felt as if it were being torn from my scalp.

"Mick, what are you doing?" Marcie said suddenly, appearing from the bathroom.

"Keep out of this, woman!"

"What are you going to do? Beat him? You can't..."

"You do know what he's been doing, don't you?" Dad growled. "I won't have my son turning into one of...___them!_" He paused and spat on the wood floor. "He'd gotten over it until that Cullen faggot came here."

"You don't 'get over it', Dad," I muttered. "It's not a disease."

"Mick, for God's sake," Marcie put in.

"Shut your mouth!"

She backed away from him and disappeared into their bedroom, closing the door behind her and in the next second I was stumbling down the stairs, Dad's hand still fisted in my hair. He paused by the door to shove his feet into his boots and I just managed to do the same before he dragged me out into the rain.

"Dad!" I continued to protest. "Please! If you hate me so much, why don't you just send me away? You'll never have to look on my disgusting fag face again. I'll leave, find work somewhere..."

"Shut the fuck up!" he snarled at me, pushing open the door of the barn where the Friday entertainment was held. "You'll take your punishment and maybe this time you'll think about what you're doing, how you're offending God with your filthy thoughts and behaviour!"

"God loves all His children!" I shouted back. "He doesn't pick and choose!"

"Except for those He classes as abominations, Jasper! You offend Him and you offend me! The thought that I managed to breed such a perverted, worthless excuse for a man...!"

His hand released my hair and before I could move, he had torn my shirt open and was yanking it down my arms. The wet fabric clung to me stubbornly until finally it was free. Dad balled it up and tossed it to the ground and I took a few steps away from him.

"You can't do this!" I cried. "Do you really think beating me will make any difference except maybe to make you feel better?" I don't know why I kept on arguing, I was only making him more angry and he silenced me now with another swipe across the face, this one so hard that it rocked my head on my shoulders and sent me stumbling to my knees. I tasted blood and I hung my head, listening to the chink of his belt buckle as he unfastened it, then the slide of the leather slipping from his belt loops. In the absence of reins which were all in the other barn, he was going to whip me with his belt.

"Don't, please," I whispered.

The first lash took my breath away. I was resting on hands and knees and when the strike came across the middle of my back, I realised with horror that he was using the buckle end. Was he trying to kill me? I wanted to get up and run, but I couldn't move and I crouched there, shivering against the pain and waiting for the next attack. I lost count of how many times he hit me, but it was probably only half a dozen. All the time he growled out insults and passages from the Bible about what an insult to humanity I was and how I was polluting the good Whitlock name with my sickness.

The second strike from the belt tore my skin and I felt warm blood trickle down into the top of my jeans. I screamed when the third one connected and Dad interrupted his tirade to yell at me to shut my mouth. After that I bit almost all the way through my lip in an effort to stay quiet, tasting blood as well as feeling it on my back. When he stopped, he simply walked out of the barn and left me there, silent tears pouring down my face and my nails cutting into my palms as I clenched my fists.

I could barely move afterwards. I felt as if the skin had been flayed off of me and my entire back burned. I stayed where I was, struggling to breathe and sobbing painfully as I tried to summon up the strength to get to my feet. My soaked shirt was a few feet away and I imagined that the cold, wet material would soothe the agony. I pushed my upper body upwards an inch or two, but quickly gave up with a groan. The pain was too great and I could feel myself slipping towards unconsciousness. For a moment I fought against the creeping blackness at the edges of my vision. I had to get away from here before Dad came back and before anyone else found me. The idea of Edward wandering in here the next day and seeing the state of me almost shocked me out of it and I shook my head dizzily, making another effort to get up, but I just couldn't do it. Instead I slumped down flat onto my belly on the cool, firm dirt floor. I barely registered that I needed to empty my bladder before my body gave up and soaked my jeans. Then blackness took me and I let it, sinking into silence where I couldn't feel anything.

When I opened my eyes, it was still dark and I was lying face down, wet and shivering and in horrible pain. My back burned and ached and I panted for breath as I now forced myself to get up from the ground. I made it onto hands and knees and crawled slowly over to my shirt, wondering what time it was. I had neither my watch nor my phone with me, both having been left on the nightstand in my room. Some of the buttons had been torn from the shirt and one of the sleeves was ripped along the shoulder seam, but it was better than nothing. Grinding my teeth, I slipped one arm into it and carefully pulled it across my back, unable to suppress a cry of pain as it tugged against my torn skin. Finally I had the other arm in the sleeve and I fastened the buttons with shaking hands. I was shivering from both pain and cold, despite the humid heat and I grimaced as I realised my jeans were soaked with piss as well as rain. I had to get some fresh clothes somehow, but there was no way I would set foot back in the house.

I staggered to my feet and made my way to the door. The position of the moon indicated dawn was maybe an hour away and I made my way slowly out into the yard, glancing over at the shadows cast by the huddle of cabins. For a few seconds I considered knocking on the Cullens' door and asking Edward's father for help, but I quickly thought better of it. Perhaps he wouldn't have been as understanding as I imagined, when Dad turned up on his doorstep, outing Edward to him in the worst way he could. Maybe the doctor was embarrassed that his son was caught with a boy and if that were the case, the last person he would want to see was me. More importantly, the thought of Edward seeing me like this was unbearable.

Instead I made my way to the other barn, picked up Sandy's bridle and went to her stall. She and Harriet stood side by side, quiet and content now the rain and thunder had stopped. I opened the door and quickly slipped Sandy's bridle on, led her out and closed the door. Every movement was painful and I knew I wouldn't manage to lift her saddle onto her back. Instead I led her to a stack of straw bales, climbed onto one and from there onto the horse. I kept her to a slow walk, even that small movement causing pain to shoot up my back and I had both hands tangled in her mane, for the first time in my life fearful of falling.

I rode to Emmett's, the journey taking me almost two hours, by which time I could see the ranch coming to life. I guided Sandy into the shelter of some trees and watched as men arrived, took horses from one of the barns and then rode out in the direction of the main field of cattle. I could see Emmett's father with them, but my friend didn't seem to be there. As soon as they were out of sight I headed to the barn, hoping that I would find him and not have to go to the house.

"Jasper! What the hell are you doing here?"

Emmett's voice startled me and I halted Sandy quickly, spotting him to my left as he appeared from behind the house.

"Em..."

"Fuck, what happened to you? You look like shit, man."

"Yeah. I need a favour." I tried to lean forward in order to slide my right leg over Sandy's back to dismount, but found I couldn't move.

"Shit, Jas, you look like you went ten rounds with Mike Tyson."

"Didn't he retire?" I touched my face, wondering if it looked as bruised as it felt. My lip was swollen where I'd bitten through it and my cheekbone throbbed.

"So what happened?"

"Pissed my Dad off."

"How?"

"You don't want to know."

"You gonna get down from there?" Emmett stepped closer and gripped Sandy's bridle. "What's going on, Jasper?"

I sighed heavily. Should I tell him the truth or not? Would he even try to understand?

"He took a belt to me," I admitted.

"What the fuck? It's not like you're a kid..."

"Try telling him that. Look, can you help me down? I can't move."

"Sure."

Emmett's huge arms reached up to grab me and I yelped as his hand touched my back. When my feet landed on the ground my legs buckled and I clutched at him in an effort not to fall.

"Christ!" he muttered under his breath.

"I'm alright," I lied.

"The hell you are."

"Well, I will be. I'm leaving. I wondered if you'd take care of Sandy for me. I don't want to leave her with Dad, he'll turn her into one of the daily rides."

"Of course I will, but where are you going?" Emmett asked. "Do you even have anywhere to go? Have you got any money?"

"Washington," I said. "The State. And no, I don't have any money; I was gonna ask if I can borrow enough for the Greyhound. Or maybe you could buy Sandy."

"Don't be stupid, Jasper, I'll keep her safe for you and I'll give you some money. I got plenty saved up," Emmett said at once. "But do you really have to leave Texas? If your Dad did this to you, mine would help..."

"I don't want your Dad knowing about this. Besides, I want to get as far away from here as possible."

"Fair enough. Like I said, I'll give you money."

"Thanks." I rested my hand on Sandy's flanks, saddened that I had to leave her and needing her solid bulk for support.

"Are you gonna tell me what brought all this on?" Emmett asked again.

"I met someone," I admitted.

"Let me get this straight - you met someone your Dad doesn't like and he fucking beat you half to death?"

I groaned and stared down at the ground. "Alright, I'll tell you. You're probably not gonna see my again anyway, so it doesn't really matter if you don't want to know me any more. I'm...I...fuck...I'm gay, Emmett."

There was complete silence and I raised my eyes slowly to see his mouth hanging open and colour spreading over his face.

"Bullshit," he mumbled.

"It's not. Don't worry, I'm not going to give you any details. Suffice to say I met someone and..."

"Who? I don't know of any fag...um...sorry...I don't know any guys around here...like that," he stammered.

"Except me. It's Edward...you know the pale, red-haired guy you met last week? I can't be what my Dad wants, I never could."

"So you're going to Washington. Is that where he's from?"

"Yes."

"You're gonna go thousands of miles running after a guy you've known, what, a couple of weeks?"

"Yes. And if it doesn't work out, I'll find a job or something. At least I won't be here and I can be myself without having to worry every minute that I'll get caught."

"Jeez." Emmett dragged a hand through his short-cropped hair. "Look...I'm not judging you, but I don't get it. I just…don't get how you can like…other guys."

"Don't try," I told him. "Just help me out. I need some clean clothes, I fucking pissed myself when I passed out and my Dad ripped this shirt half to pieces."

"Come in the house and get a shower," Emmett said at once. "I got some old jog pants that shouldn't be too big and some other stuff. I don't have much cash lying around, but I'll give you my credit card. Just cut it up when you're done with it and I'll order a new one."

"Thanks, Emmett."

I was relieved to see Mrs McCarty drive out of the yard a minute later and Emmett explained she was heading into Dublin to stock up on groceries. He put Sandy in the barn and then led me to the house, the short journey and the climb upstairs taking me as long as it would have taken an old man.

Emmett left me in the bathroom and went to dig out clothes for me. Standing under the warm shower, I clenched my teeth against the pain of the water on my back, refusing to let myself cry again and have Emmett see what a complete mess I was. Five minutes later the door open about six inches and his arm appeared, dropping a pile of clothes onto the mat for me. I dried off carefully and put on the clean shorts, socks, jog pants and t-shirt, then the hoodie which practically drowned me. I rolled up the sleeves and bundled up my own ruined clothes, intending to dump them in the trash on the way out.

"You feeling any better?" Emmett asked me.

"A bit."

"Here." He passed me a backpack. "There's some food in there and a bottle of soda. And this…" He held out a Visa card. "…has about twelve hundred bucks on it; just use what you need."

"Thanks, Emmett," I said again, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"You want me to drive you somewhere?"

"Uh…you don't have to do that, I was gonna hitch."

"To where? Dallas?"

"Um…I guess." I hadn't thought anything out, I realised, but Dallas was going to have to be my first destination. I could get the Greyhound there and head north, making my way towards Seattle.

"You're gonna go by bus? It'll take days with a ton of changes," Emmett frowned. "Get a train. Amtrak probably goes direct."

"And will cost more," I sighed.

"So? You want to spend days on a bus in that state, do you? Waiting around for hours in different cities and going in all different directions rather than a straight line? I'll drive you to Dallas."

"Are you sure? What about your folks?"

"What about them? My Dad's not like your fucker, he won't care. They don't need me today. Does the guy know you're going?"

"He knows I'm planning to, just not for a while. I doubt they even left my place yet."

"Can't you hook up with them at the airport?" asked Emmett as we walked to his truck.

"I'd never find them. I don't have my phone and I haven't memorized the number. I'm not so sure his Dad will want to see me either. He'll have got an earful from mine last night."

"Well, we could swing by there first and check it out," Emmett suggested. "There can't be too many flights that they could be on."

The journey to Dallas was long and uncomfortable. I sat sideways on the truck seat to avoid my back coming into contact with the cracked leather, but the rusty old vehicle lurched and jumped whenever Emmett changed gear and I clenched my teeth, struggling not to gasp and groan each time we hit a bump before we joined the smoother highway outside of Dublin. Emmett glanced at me occasionally with a concerned look and even suggested taking me to the hospital, but I refused, insisting I would be fine. I hadn't dared look at my back in his bathroom mirror, but I suspected it would mainly be severe bruising with a couple of tears in the skin from the belt buckle.

When we arrived at the airport, we checked out the list of departures for that day and discovered there were two flights to Seattle, one due to leave in forty minutes and another at six-thirty. Edward had told me they would be leaving in the afternoon so I guessed they would be on the six-thirty flight. It was hours away and I was still in two minds about trying to catch them in case Dr Cullen was angry with me for causing trouble for Edward. Emmett hung around for another hour and bought me a burger from a fast food stand which I nibbled at without enthusiasm, but eventually he had to return home. I promised to call and let him know when I got to my destination and after a brief and awkward hesitation, he finally stepped closer and gave me a hug, carefully keeping his hands and arms from touching my back. Then he was gone and I waited alone.

Just as I had imagined, it was impossible. I figured out where the Cullens would have to check in for their flight and I hung around the area for as long as I could until an official questioned me and asked me to move away if I wasn't intending to check in. I found a seat within sight of the sliding entrance doors instead, but twice I was forced to leave my position to go to the restrooms and on another occasion I went in search of a drugstore to buy painkillers in the hopes that a handful of pills would take the edge off my continuing agony. By the time six-thirty came and the Seattle plane took off on time, I knew it was too late and I left the airport, taking a shuttle bus to the Amtrak station.

Emmett had been right when he told me I could travel direct to Seattle. A train was due to leave at ten o'clock, which would get me there in eighteen hours, taking in few stops. A regular ticket was a little under five hundred dollars and I bought one with Emmett's card, then simply sat waiting on the platform as the evening passed slowly. When the train eventually pulled in, I boarded quickly, found a single corner seat with a table and settled in. At last I was on my way and with any luck, I would see Edward again in twenty-four hours. I took Emmett's hoodie off, finding myself much too hot in the thick garment and instead rolled it up, placing it on the table in front of me to form a pillow. Leaning forward and laying my head on it kept my back off the seat and I closed my eyes and brought Edward's face to mind. Picturing his crooked smile and sparkling green eyes took my mind away from everything else at least a little and with the only sounds being the gentle rumble of the train and a few soft snores coming from other passengers, I slept.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

**Edward's POV**

I got up slowly and took a shower, then dressed in some of the clean clothes left in my room which I hadn't taken on vacation with me. I could hear sounds from downstairs, but so far my parents hadn't disturbed me. I knew it wouldn't be long before Mom came up to check on me, but still I lingered, repeatedly and fruitlessly checking my phone and worrying about Jasper. Three weeks ago I'd had so little confidence that I would have been certain he simply didn't care for me, despite everything he had said, but having gotten to know him so well, I couldn't prevent the worry creeping in until I had convinced myself he was hurt. I snatched up my phone suddenly and tried calling, but the answer service came in immediately as if his cell was switched off. I sunk my head into my hands where I sat, cross-legged on my bed, the knot of fear in my guts making me feel sick.

"Edward?" Dad's voice came from outside my door and he tapped lightly on the wood.

"Come in!" I called reluctantly. I knew he probably wanted to start a conversation I would rather avoid, but it wouldn't get any easier over time. The door opened and he came in, wearing jeans and a tee-shirt similar to my own. He closed the door behind him and came to sit on the end of my bed.

"How did you sleep?"

"Good, thanks," I nodded.

"Are you alright, Edward?"

I just shrugged.

"Your mother and I are worried about you. You haven't eaten since we got home and you're hiding in here."

"'I'm alright."

"Are you sure you're not anxious about what happened before we left the ranch? I hope you know that both of us completely support you, just as I said then."

"I know. Thanks, Dad," I whispered.

"Is this about Jasper?"

"I'm worried about him. I haven't heard from him," I sighed.

"Edward..." Dad paused and folded his hands together. "I know you care for him, but you might have to accept that this was just a..."

"Bit of fun for him, I know, you said," I interrupted. "It wasn't like that. I _know_ him."

"How well did you get to know him exactly?" asked Dad quietly and immediately I felt colour flood into my face, giving me away before I could open my mouth. I chewed my lip and avoided looking at him, wondering how to answer.

"Um..." was all that came out of my mouth.

"Did you sleep together?"

"Oh, God, Dad, just...don't," I moaned. "Don't talk to me about...that."

"I will talk about it, Edward, and I'm thinking more as a doctor than your Dad right now. When we discussed this a few years ago, it was girls I had in mind. I need to know that you were safe. You say you know Jasper, but I can't help thinking that maybe he might do this kind of thing whenever he meets someone...like you."

"Dad!" I hung my head further and closed my eyes, pressing my hands against my hot cheeks. I had been embarrassed by all manner of things in the past, but this was by far the worst situation I'd found myself in that I could remember.

"You did use protection...?"

"Please, Dad."

"Edward..."

"It was his first time too," I whispered.

Dad hissed and muttered under his breath and took a moment to answer. "I thought you knew better than that," he sighed. "I'm not trying to upset you, Edward, but I'm concerned. It was irresponsible to put yourself at risk like that."

"Ok, I get it, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, just test me or something if you want," I mumbled rapidly, silently begging him to leave me alone. The thought that he was probably picturing Jasper and me having sex had me wishing that I could curl up and die, or simply vanish into thin air. My face burned hotter than ever as I waited for him to speak again.

"That can't happen for three months..."

"I know, Dad."

"We'll leave it at that for now. You don't have to be embarrassed about this, you know. You are an adult and you're capable of making these decisions for yourself. Just remember to take more care in the future, ok?"

"I will."

Mercifully he left me alone then and I threw myself down onto the bed and buried my face in the pillow. I stayed there unmoving until eventually hunger drove me go downstairs to the kitchen. I still felt sick with worry over Jasper, but I forced myself to eat while Mom talked to me, repeating that she and Dad both loved me and that she was glad they finally knew about me. I wondered what had made her suspect I might be gay, but it wasn't a conversation I wanted to have right then, the one with Dad had been enough.

The day passed slowly and the night even slower as I tossed and turned, unable to quell the fear that something might have happened to Jasper. I had tried calling again, but only reached his answer service and I was now convinced that his father had hurt him. I had gone over everything that we had shared a hundred times in my head - our first kiss, the first time we touched, telling each other of our hopes and fears, wishing on a star together, saying 'I love you' and making love. I refused to believe that it hadn't meant anything to him and that he was carrying on with his life, forgetting about me and looking forward to the next boy arriving for a vacation who might be interested in him.

Other than taking a few short walks in the forest and spending a little time playing the piano, I stayed in my room. Jasper's hat lay on my nightstand, alternately comforting me with its presence and taunting me that it was now three days and two nights since we had left Texas. Mom had even tried to spark some interest in me by asking me to visit a stud farm with her to look for a horse, just as Dad had suggested when I had commented that I would like one. I hadn't really been serious at the time although I did miss riding now I was home. However, I couldn't find any enthusiasm to even look at the website Mom noted down for me. I had barely been online in the past two days, except to check my emails in the futile hope that Jasper may have sent me a message.

The next evening Dad took Mom to a restaurant in Port Angeles for dinner, it being his last opportunity before he returned to work. They wanted me to go with them, but the last thing I felt like doing was dressing up and pretending to look as if I was enjoying myself. I knew they were worrying about me, but Jasper was all I could think about. After they set off, I switched on the TV in the music room and sprawled on one of the couches, flicking through the channels to find something to watch. Nothing much caught my attention and I settled on a documentary about the Civil War.

An hour passed and I got up to fetch a drink from the kitchen. I had just taken a glass out of one of the cupboards when the house phone rang loudly from its position on the wall by my head. I jumped, my heart racing, only just managing to save the glass from slipping out of my hand and falling to the floor. I put it down and picked up the phone instead.

"Hello? Cullen residence."

"Is this Edward Cullen's house?" a deep voice asked and immediately my racing heart quickened its pace further. I recognised the Texas drawl and I licked my lips before I spoke.

"Yes, this is Edward."

"Aww, good. It's Emmett McCarty here, Jasper's buddy."

"Emmett!" I gasped. I had only met him once briefly, but desperation for news drove away any shyness. "Have you heard from Jasper? Is he ok?"

"Yeah, I talked to him a few minutes ago. He asked me to call you if I could find a number. Your Dad wasn't hard to find."

My knees sagged and I leaned against the kitchen counter, almost panting for breath as I waited for him to go on.

"He's in LA."

"What? _LA?_" I squeaked and then cleared my throat hastily. "What's he doing there? Is he ok?"

"He's been better. Look...he told me about you so...um...I guess you know what his Dad's like. There was some trouble, but he left the ranch...came to me first. It's kind of a long story."

"Go on," I whispered.

"He was gonna get the Greyhound and is kind of wishing he had now. We thought the train would be faster and he said the timetable indicated he'd get there in eighteen hours, but he didn't look at the difference in dates, so it's more like seventy-five or something like that."

Seventy-five hours on the train? I frowned to myself, my mind whirring and failing to come up with an explanation.

"Why did he go to LA?" I asked.

"It's the change-over destination, he's on his way to Seattle. He said he was gonna come to you. He left his phone so he couldn't call you and mine is the only number he could remember. So...I guess you can expect him the day after tomorrow."

"Oh, my God," I breathed. Shaking, I pulled myself onto one of the stools in front of the counter before my legs failed me completely.

"I hope it's ok that he's coming."

"It's ok. Thanks so much for calling. I was...I was worried something might have happened to him."

"Yeah, he thought you would be. Are your folks gonna be ok with him showing up?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "It'll be fine. Shall I ask him to call you when he gets here?"

"Yeah, thanks. His Dad's a real asshole, you know? He should've left a long time ago."

"My parents are very understanding." I wondered how understanding they would be with Jasper arriving out of the blue, but I couldn't imagine them turning him away. Emmett hadn't elaborated, but when he said there had been 'trouble', I immediately imagined Mick Whitlock punishing Jasper after all, despite it seeming like he might not. My excitement over Jasper's arrival was marred by fear of what he might have gone through.

"Good to know," Emmett answered. "I gotta go now, Dad will charge me for this call."

"Thanks, Emmett," I said again. "Thanks so much."

"Sure. Be seeing ya." The line went dead before I could respond and I hung up the phone. The knot of anxiety in my stomach had turned into an excited flutter and I snickered as I caught sight of my grinning face in the glass door on a nearby cupboard. Jasper was on his way to me! He did love me and want to be with me. Now I just had to convince my parents that he must stay with us.

I waited impatiently until I heard Dad's car pull up outside and by the time Mom reached the door, I was holding it open. Mom looked at me in surprise as she stepped past me and I remembered to ask if they enjoyed the meal.

"It was lovely, Edward," she said briefly. Dad followed us in and closed the door.

"You look better," he commented.

"Well, I had some news. I need to talk to you both."

They took their coats off and we went to sit in the music room. My parents sat side by side on one of the couches, looking expectantly at me as I hovered, chewing my lip.

"What is it?" Mom asked after a moment.

"I had a call from Jasper's friend, Emmett. Jasper left the ranch. I think his Dad hurt him again."

"Again?" Mom queried.

"Last year his Dad caught him kissing a boy and he...whipped him with his horse's reins."

Mom gasped, her mouth falling open, while Dad's brows drew together in a frown.

"I've seen the scar," I added in case they didn't believe me. "After what happened before we left, I think it might have happened again. I haven't heard from Jasper, but Emmett indicated he'd not...doing so good. He's on his way here, to see me."

Dad's eyebrows rose now. "Go on," he prompted.

"We talked about ways he could leave when we were out riding. His Dad was going to make him study business in college and help run the ranch and get married. He wanted to study music and be a teacher. I said...I suggested maybe he could get a place at Seattle instead although he didn't think he'd be able to leave Texas before college starts. Something has to have happened to make him leave now. Mom...Dad...um...I know you don't really know him and this is a huge thing to ask, but...can he come here? Please? At least until we figure something out. He hasn't got anywhere else to go and..."

"Edward, you shouldn't have made promises..." Dad began.

"I didn't!" I interrupted. I had never been more determined to get my own way in my life. "I didn't tell him he could come here and move in, but I said you'd help him if he needed it. Maybe help him transfer his application for college from Dallas. I never ask you for anything, but I'm asking now. He's important to me. I never really thought I'd meet someone like him and he needs us right now."

"We'll talk about it when he gets here," said Dad, but Mom began to speak over him.

"Of course we'll help him. That Mick Whitlock doesn't deserve a son if he treats him like that. He must be living in the dark ages if he thinks whipping a child is acceptable. That poor boy, if he's hurt and having to spend that length of time travelling, he must be feeling terrible. Why on earth didn't he get on a plane?"

"I don't know, he's never flown before," I said. "Emmett said he intended to get the Greyhound, but they thought a train would be quicker."

"Do you know when he'll arrive in Seattle?"

"Emmett said the day after tomorrow."

"Well, how about we look for his train schedule and find out when exactly? I'm sure he'll have had enough of public transport after three or four days. We could go to Seattle to meet him if we know roughly when..."

"Esme?"

I glanced at Dad hopefully. He was one of the most caring people I knew, but he seemed a little reluctant on this occasion. I had to wonder if it was because he still didn't trust Jasper. Ordinarily he would help anyone in trouble, but Jasper had of course slept with me. Now he let out a sigh and nodded.

"Get your iPad, Edward, and we'll look up the trains."

"Thanks, Dad!" I raced upstairs to fetch my iPad, switching it on as I returned. I didn't know where to start looking, but Dad immediately told me to look for Amtrak's website. I found it quickly and began to look for trains travelling between LA and Seattle, due to arrive two days later. There was only one possibility - the Coast Starlight - which got into King Street Station at eight-thirty in the morning.

"This must be it," I said. "It's the only one."

"We'll have to set off very early," Mom said. "About four o'clock just in case there are any hold-ups, or the train's early or something."

"You're going with me?" I asked in surprise.

"Of course I'm going with you. Dad will be getting up about that time to go to work, he has an early shift this week. You might need me there if Jasper has been injured."

"Thank you." I heaved a huge sigh of relief. "I've been so worried about him."

"I know," Mom nodded. "I'm sure everything will turn out alright."

That night when I went to bed, I couldn't sleep. My heart raced with excitement at the prospect of seeing Jasper again in just over twenty-four more hours and at the same time I dreaded finding out that his Dad had really hurt him. Emmett had said he had 'been better'. What did that mean? From the little I'd learned, Texans seemed to make light of things and I immediately began to imagine the worst, with Jasper beaten half to death and suffering in agony as he spent days trying to get to me. I switched the iPad on again and spent some time answering the messages I had ignored since I arrived home. Beth and Frankie had both emailed me and Ben had sent a message asking if I got home ok. By the time I was done I did manage to sleep a little, but I woke feeling unrested and impatient for the day to pass. Dad had already gone to work and I offered to go into Port Angeles with Mom to do some shopping, just to pass the time.

The rest of the day crawled by and all of us tried to get an early night. I expected to lie awake for most of it, but exhaustion made me slip away almost as soon as my head touched the pillow. I was awake and about to take a shower when Mom tapped on my door to announce that it was three-thirty.

"I'm up!" I called back. "I'll be ready in ten minutes!"

I raced through my bathroom routine, dressed quickly and pocketed my phone. I found my parents in the kitchen, Dad eating toast and Mom making us all some coffee. My stomach churned with excitement and anxiety and I drank the coffee, but didn't attempt to eat anything. Mom filled a bag with stuffed bagels and bottles of soda and all of us set off at the same time. Dad took Mom's car and headed for Forks while Mom and I used his. The sleek Mercedes was large and comfortable, perfect for the long journey. I offered to drive, but Mom refused and I was actually relieved. I wasn't so sure I would be able to concentrate enough on the road until I had seen Jasper and I sat in the passenger seat, fidgeting and repeatedly glancing at the clock on the dash as the car ate up the miles.

We reached the station at eight o'clock, left the car in the parking lot and looked for the platform the train would pull into. According to the information screens, it was on time. We made use of the restrooms and Mom bought more coffees while we waited. My heart was in my mouth and I hoped and prayed that Jasper would be ok and that we wouldn't somehow miss him.

"We'll find him, honey," Mom said as if she had read my mind and her small hand gave my arm a comforting squeeze.

The minutes ticked by and at last the train could be heard in the distance, honking and whistling as it approached the station. I shuffled my feet and chewed my nails, feeling almost sick as it slowly pulled in and finally halted, the doors all opening at once. Mom and I carefully watched as each passenger alighted. There weren't as many people as I expected and it was easy to check each before they walked away. So far there was no sign of Jasper and eventually the flock of people dwindled to a few stragglers and still he didn't appear.

"Oh, God, where is he?" I muttered.

Another minute passed and then Mom touched my arm again. "Look, there he is."

I turned quickly and watched in horror as Jasper slowly climbed down from one of the cars, a bag in one hand. He was wearing a hoodie that looked several sizes too big for him, his face flushed and sweating, damp hair hanging into his eyes. One side of his face was darker from a bruise and he moved slowly and shakily, looking around him as if deciding where to go next.

"Jasper!" I covered the thirty yards between us in seconds and grabbed him by the upper arms. "Jas!"

"Edward," he rasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Emmett told me what day you'd be arriving and I looked up the trains to find out when. Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"I'm...I think I might have the flu or something." He leaned against me suddenly, his head resting on my shoulder. "I don't feel so good."

I slid my arms around him and hugged him until he hissed and shuddered and then I snatched my hands from his back and placed them on his shoulders again. "Did your Dad hurt you?"

"Yeah. I'll be ok, I just need a...a bath. I'm sorry, I must stink."

"Never mind that. Let's get you home. My Mom's with me."

"Are your parents ok about me being here?"

"Yes, it's fine. Come on." I took his bag from him and gripped his arm tightly. He seemed weak, fragile almost and I didn't like the look of him at all.

"Hello, Jasper." Mom appeared the other side of him. "How are you?"

"He's sick, Mom," I said.

"I think it might be the flu, Ms Cullen," Jasper said. "I wouldn't get too close."

"Don't worry about that. I think we ought to drop in and see your Dad, Edward," Mom said, a frown on her face now. She looked as anxious as I felt and she held onto Jasper's other arm as we made our way slowly outside to the car.

"Get in the back, Edward." Mom opened the door and I helped Jasper in, then joined him. He looked terrible and when I touched his face I felt that he was burning up. I encouraged him to lie down on the long rear seat and he rested his head on my lap, his face turned towards my stomach so that his back wouldn't come into contact with the seat. I could only imagine what his father might have done to him and I sat worrying as Mom drove back to Forks. Jasper slept after the first half hour, snoring softly and I talked quietly to Mom for a while.

"Edward, did he say what happened to him?" she asked.

"He just said his Dad hurt him. It looks like he's been hit in the face, but I wonder if he whipped him again."

"He looks as if he might have an infection. That doesn't seem like the flu to me. If he has some kind of injury, spending all that time in the same clothes without a shower can't have done him much good."

I glanced between the front seats at the speedometer and was surprised when I noticed that Mom was driving at almost eighty. She never broke the speed limit.

"You're speeding," I commented.

"Don't tell anyone." She laughed softly, but I could see her face in the rear view mirror when I leaned to one side and she looked worried. She was worried about Jasper and speeding to get to the hospital. My own fear increased, but I stayed silent, looking out of the window for each road sign we passed and watching the miles to PA and then Forks gradually lessen, all the time praying that Jasper would be ok.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

**Edward's POV**

At last Mom parked the car in the lot outside Forks Hospital and I shook Jasper's shoulder gently to wake him. He opened his eyes slowly and then closed them again with a groan.

"I wasn't sure if I dreamed you."

"I'm here," I said. "You need to get up."

"I just want to sleep."

"You can, as soon as my Dad checks you out."

"God, Edward, I don't want him to see me...like this. I don't even want you to see me."

"You're sick, it doesn't matter." I coaxed him upright and passed him one of the bottles of juice Mom had brought. "Try a sip of this."

He took a few mouthfuls and gave me the bottle back. Then suddenly he threw the car door open and lurched out of it. I heard him vomiting and I stayed where I was for a moment, although Mom got out of the car and went to him. He was in a bad way and I was convinced that Mom had been right - he had picked up an infection after travelling so long in dirty clothes without having treatment for whatever wounds his Dad had inflicted upon him.

"Get it together, Edward," I muttered to myself and climbed out of the car quickly. He needed me and I was determined I wasn't going to waver, however hard it might get.

"I'm sorry," Jasper was groaning while Mom wiped his face with some tissues. He was resting against the car for support.

"Hey, it doesn't matter. You'll be ok." I took his arm again and let him lean on me. "Let's go inside and find Dad. He'll fix you up."

"Does he know...about us?" Jasper mumbled as we began to walk. Mom hurried ahead to look for Dad. "I mean...I don't know what my Dad said to him. Does he know we...?"

"Don't worry about it," I said firmly. "Dad was awesome like I said in that text. I talked to him when we got home and yeah, he knows, but apart from making me almost die from embarrassment with 'the talk', it was ok."

"I'm sorry," Jasper said again. "He must hate me."

"Of course he doesn't. He was just worried that I obviously felt so much for you and he didn't want me to get hurt or taken advantage of."

"Well...I'll make sure he knows that's not gonna happen." Jasper stopped suddenly just outside the doors to the hospital. "Fuck...just leave me a minute."

"I'm going nowhere."

He leaned away from me and heaved again, bringing up only fluid. I had to wonder when he had last eaten and now I did the same thing Mom did. I hunted out the clean tissue I knew I had in my pocket and wiped his face.

"Hell, Edward, you shouldn't be doing this," he moaned, his flushed face colouring up more.

"I love you, Jasper, of course I'm gonna do this. Wouldn't you, if I was sick?"

"Of course I would."

We began to move slowly into the building and I wondered whether we should go to the check-in desk first, but Mom appeared again and hurried toward us.

"Your Dad's on his break, we'll go straight in. He's going to look at you himself, Jasper."

"I thought Dr Cullen was a surgeon," Jasper said.

"He is, but you get special treatment." I gave him a grin as we headed down the corridor and turned into a treatment area surrounded by curtains. Dad and a nurse waited there and Mom left us, saying she would go to the cafeteria for a while. There wasn't room for five people although it quickly became clear that Dad expected me to go as well.

"Edward, go wait with your mother," he said. "We'll take care of Jasper."

"I'm staying," I said firmly. "Until I know he's ok, I'm staying."

Dad looked at me for a second and then nodded. "Jasper, we're going to need to get your clothes off so I can take a look at you. There's a gown here for you to put on. Nurse Williams will help, while I go grab the sandwich I was eating."

"I'm sorry about this, Dr Cullen," Jasper said weakly. "I'm sorry for just showing up without asking. I..."

"It's fine," Dad interrupted. "Edward spoke to us, so don't worry about it for now. We'll talk properly and decide where we go from here when you're better." He left us and the nurse immediately moved to help Jasper out of his hoodie.

"Let me," I said. I unzipped the garment and carefully pushed it off of his shoulders, noticing that the fabric felt damp and smelled of stale sweat. Jasper grimaced and avoided my eyes.

"Hell, Edward, I haven't even taken a shower in...I can't remember how long, it was at Emmett's place. I'm disgusting."

"Of course you're not." I leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "You'd be enjoying this if you weren't sick."

He laughed softly and then coughed. "Maybe not so much with the audience."

I reddened and glanced at the nurse, who was pretending to arrange a tray of scissors and forceps. She looked up and smiled, eyes twinkling.

"Ok, what next? Shoes." I dropped to my knees and took off Jasper's shoes and socks as he lifted one foot at a time, then stayed where I was as I untied the cord holding the rather large jog pants up and pulled them down his legs.

"They're Emmett's," he said as he stepped out of them, leaning on the edge of the trolley next to him with one hand. His legs were shaking and I got up again and helped him sit on the trolley. The nurse turned to look at him at that moment and frowned.

"I think you should leave it at that and wait for your father."

"But..." I moved to the side and looked at Jasper's back, unable to suppress a gasp of horror. The grey tee-shirt he wore appeared to be glued to him in places, stained dark with blood and sweat and something else from which an unpleasant smell was emanating. I could only imagine the state of Jasper's flesh underneath and I straightened my face determinedly before I stepped in front of him again.

"It's bad, isn't it?" he said.

"I can't really tell with your shirt on," I lied. "I don't want to peel it off and hurt you though, Dad can do it."

At that moment Dad returned, chewing the last bite of a sandwich. I often wondered how he could eat and deal with the horrors he had to face on a daily basis. I already felt a little queasy, just from my imagination.

"I think we'll cut this shirt off," Dad said and the nurse passed him a pair of scissors. "Will you tell me what happened, Jasper?"

"He...used his belt." Jasper hung his head and avoided looking at me. "The buckle end."

"You didn't have anyone look at you later?"

"No. I passed out for a few hours, then put a shirt on and went to Emmett's. I took a shower there and I've been wearing this shirt ever since."

"You've picked up an infection." Dad snipped away rapidly with the scissors and suddenly the front of the tee-shirt fell away from Jasper's chest. I put it aside and grasped both of his hands in mine. He was shivering and clenching his teeth. I didn't watch as Dad began to remove pieces of the back of the shirt, but Jasper moaned and gasped and eventually swore viciously before muttering an apology.

"It's alright, we're done now," Dad said. "Hop off the bed, get those shorts off and put the gown on. Then I want you to lie down on your front."

"Ok." Jasper got up again slowly and it was me who lowered his underwear and supported him as he stepped out of them. My face was redder than ever as I straightened up and put the gown on him, as much as I tried not to consider that Dad might be wondering how many times I'd taken Jasper's clothes off. As he climbed back onto the bed, the back of the gown hanging open, I couldn't stop myself looking and I clamped a hand over my mouth to stifle any sound. His flesh was torn in two places, one close to the original faint scar and the other a few inches higher, both areas livid and wet. The surrounding skin was bruised purple and black and I wondered how he had managed to survive that endless train journey in the agony he must be suffering.

"Edward, I want you to go wait with your Mom while we fix Jasper up," Dad said firmly, glancing at my face.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "I'm staying." I grabbed the chair behind me and pulled it closer to the trolley, sat down and grasped Jasper's hand where it lay beside his face.

"You don't have to, I'll be ok," he said.

"Yeah, you will, but I'm not leaving you," I told him.

"How bad is it?" he asked again.

"The skin is broken and there's some infection," Dad answered. "We're going to clean it up and I'll give you antibiotics and a tetanus shot, plus a couple of pints of saline. Nurse Williams, will you hook that up, please?"

"I don't have insurance," Jasper said suddenly. "I mean, I'm on my Dad's policy, but I don't have any details."

"Don't worry about that, it's not important. We'll sort it out later." Dad placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a pat. "This is going to hurt, but I'll be as quick as I can. Edward, talk to him - try to take his mind off it."

I raised my other hand to stroke Jasper's hair, running my fingers gently through the oily strands and drawing my nails over his scalp.

"Don't think about it," I said quietly, knowing Dad and the nurse would hear every word and swallowing my discomfort with difficulty. "Think about the time we spent together in Texas. Our midnight rides..."

"Edward, you don't have to," Jasper whispered.

"Forget about them. Listen to me," I told him, glancing up at Dad. He gave me a brief smile and then turned his attention back to the large syringe he held which appeared to contain water. Meanwhile the nurse inserted a canula into Jasper's arm to attach to the saline solution suspended above the bed.

"I didn't dare hope my wish might come true and that you'd like me," I went on, feeling my cheeks reddening.

"I'm revising my opinion of shooting stars," Jasper said, hissing through his teeth and grimacing.

"Mine came true. Yours too, I just wish it could have been in different circumstances."

"You can't have everything." Jasper yelped and flinched, squeezing his eyes shut and I squeezed his hand harder.

"I'm glad Emmett called me," I went on. "I was going out of my mind with worry. I thought something must have happened to you. I couldn't really believe that you didn't want to talk to me any more although I kind of wished that was the reason, because then you'd be ok."

"I am ok. I'm here." He stopped and groaned loudly.

"I'm going to give you a couple of shots," Dad said. "A local anaesthetic and some penicillin."

"Will I have...scars?" Jasper asked shakily.

"I would say so. A stitch or two would have helped, but with the infection and swelling, I can't do that at the moment. There are options, though, Jasper. I have a colleague who's a genius in plastics. Once you're healed up he can take a look at you. A couple of small skin grafts will work wonders."

"Oh God," Jasper moaned. "It'll cost a fortune."

"Let us worry about that," I said. "Dad can probably find out the details of the policy you're on."

Dad nodded and I cringed as I watched him stick a needle into Jasper's back close to the larger of the two wounds. I stopped looking and concentrated on Jasper again instead. With his back numbed, Dad and the nurse worked quickly, cleaning him up and covering the wounds with dressings before tying the back of the gown together. During it all I talked to him, reminding him of things we had done together and said to each other. Then it was over and I stood up to follow as a porter was summoned to move Jasper into a proper bed in a small private room.

"I'll speak to you later," Dad said softly, giving my shoulder a squeeze before he left us. "I'm proud of you, Edward."

"Thanks, Dad. Thanks for taking care of him," I replied, my eyes stinging.

"I'll send your mother along in a few minutes. Jasper will need to stay here at least one night, but depending on how he is tomorrow, he can probably come home with us."

"Can I stay here?" I asked at once.

"I'll see what I can do."

I helped Jasper off the trolley and into the bed, where he lay on his side to avoid putting any pressure on his back. The nurse transferred the bag of saline from the bracket suspended above the trolley to the one on the wall above the bed and then left us. Jasper seemed incapable of keeping his eyes open now and I sat in the chair beside him as he slept.

Mom came to join me for a little while and after a suggestion that I go home with her, I made it clear I had no intention of going anywhere until Jasper could come with me. Instead she fetched the bag of food from the car which neither of us had touched and left it for me. She had decided to go home, while Dad would continue working for another five hours before his shift finished. During that time he looked in on us once, but the rest of the time I sat in silence watching Jasper sleep, the only interruptions being from Nurse Williams, to check how Jasper was doing and remove the saline bag when it was empty.

Dad returned before he went home and spoke to me quietly for a few minutes. Jasper still hadn't stirred and he was burning up and sweating, but he continued to sleep peacefully.

"He'll be very sore when he wakes," Dad said. "He can have pain relief, so call one of the nurses and they'll administer it. He'll get another shot of antibiotics later too and hopefully by tomorrow there'll be an improvement. If you need me, Edward, just call me on my cell, ok? Any time."

"I don't know how to thank you," I whispered.

"I'm just doing my job, son."

"You're doing way more than that. Your job is fixing people's hearts and here you are dealing with something a registrar would normally do, because of me."

"Edward, you know I was concerned about what happened in Texas, but it's clear to me how much you two care for each other. I will be talking to Jasper when he's well enough, the same way I did with you..."

"If I have to die of embarrassment, he can too," I joked and Dad chuckled.

"So, what was that about midnight rides?" he asked then.

"Um...well, I...a few times I crept out to spend some more time with him," I admitted, blushing once again. I expected to be chastised, but Dad grinned again.

"Reminds me of when I was your age. I'd just met your mother and our parents instigated a ridiculous eleven o'clock curfew. I would go home and sometimes sneak out again when I knew they were asleep, so I could run back to her house and talk to her for another hour through her window. Luckily they lived in a single storey house."

"Dad!" I gasped. "I never knew you were such a rebel. What happened when you went to college?"

"My parents made me get a job to pay for the phone bill I was running up, talking to her every night."

"You must have missed each other a lot."

"Yes."

"I suppose you must know how I felt then, when we left Texas," I said carefully. "I know it was only three weeks, but it was long enough to know how I felt - how _we _felt."

Dad nodded. "Sometimes I forget what I was like when I was your age."

He left then and a moment later Jasper opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Your Dad is amazing," he murmured.

"You heard that?"

"Yeah, from the part where he asked you about the midnight rides."

"It'll be ok," I told him. "He'll let us stay together."

"I hope so."

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore...sick...dirty. I'm desperate for a bath, I can't stand the smell of myself. I need to piss too."

"Well, you have your own bathroom," I said. The door in the corner opened into a tiny room holding a toilet, sink and a shower which cascaded over everything else. "Do you think you can walk over there if I help you?"

"I'll try."

I held onto his arm firmly as he slid out of the bed and made his way across the room. He took the gown off rather than struggle to hold it up and leaned on the wall while he emptied his bladder. There were small bottles of shower gel and shampoo, some towels and an unused sponge in plastic wrapping on a shelf level with my head. I filled the sink with warm water and lathered up the sponge, then washed and dried Jasper one part at a time while he sat on the lid of the toilet, standing only briefly so that I could get to his butt and crotch area, during which he laughed weakly at the fact that his cock didn't so much as twitch.

"You're losing your touch, Cullen."

"I'll make up for it when you're better."

"With your parents around?"

"We'll figure something out. At least you're here. I didn't think I'd see you again for months."

"Me neither." He sat down heavily again, breathing hard. "I feel fucking awful."

"Let's get you back to bed."

"My hair needs washing."

"Tomorrow, if you feel up to it. At least the rest of you is clean now." I helped him back to bed, just as the door opened and Mom came in. She had brought a change of clothes for me along with my toothbrush and a spare one for Jasper, plus some more of my clothes for him to wear. The bag held pajamas, underwear, socks, jeans and a tee-shirt, along with a thick fleece sweater than I had been given last Christmas. She didn't stay long and by the time she left, Jasper had gone back to sleep. He woke briefly a few hours later and tried eating something, but it only made him feel sick and he decided to stick to drinking water for the time being. I put my pajamas on him and then once again he slept.

It was a long and uncomfortable night for me. Nurse Williams told me there was a bed for me in another room at the end of the corridor, but I didn't want to leave Jasper alone. Instead I dozen in the chair, repeatedly changing position through the night until eventually I woke with a stiff neck and a headache. A different nurse was in the room checking on Jasper who was also awake, looking a little brighter. He was still feverish, but his temperature had reduced somewhat. The dressings on his back were changed and I didn't miss the fact that they were damp and stained with fluid, but there was definitely an improvement. He was hungry and complaining loudly that his hair felt as if he'd been washing it in engine oil.

We ate the rest of the food that Mom had left for us and then I washed Jasper's hair in the tiny bathroom sink. Dad arrived and checked Jasper over, happy with the way he was improving. He prescribed a course of oral antibiotics and painkillers and then brought a release form for Jasper to sign, telling me I could take him home. He gave me his car keys, saying that either I or Mom could come back to collect him when his shift finished.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Dr Cullen," Jasper said as he sat on the edge of the bed dressed in my clothes. "Thank you doesn't seem enough really."

"It's no problem. I'll change your dressings again when I get home later. It'll be some time before that heals properly, but you're better than you were yesterday. Edward, your mother's making up the guest room next to yours. Jasper can sleep in there for the time being."

"Thanks, Dad."

"He's really letting me stay with you?" Jasper asked as we walked slowly to the car.

"Yeah. I should warn you though, when you're up to it, you're going to get 'the talk'. I expect him to add something about creeping into each other's rooms as well."

"I don't care," Jasper said. "He can embarrass me as much as he likes, I owe him so much for this."

As I led Jasper into the house later, he gazed around with his mouth hanging open and it made me feel a little uncomfortable. He had lived on the ranch his whole life and had very few possessions, while I lived in a huge house filled with nice things and had everything I could possibly want.

"You're so lucky," he whispered after Mom had spoken to us for a few minutes and then left us to go upstairs to Jasper's new room.

"I am now you're here," I smiled.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in the guest room which was now Jasper's. He was tired and still feeling sick and he lay on the large bed while I sat talking to him and holding his hand. I wrapped my arms around him and cuddled him when he sadly remembered Sandy, his much loved horse that he would probably never see again. I was glad to hear that Emmett had her, but it hurt my heart when Jasper wept for the animal he had cared for since he was a child.

When Dad came home, he changed Jasper's dressings again and checked his temperature. I didn't look at his back, but Dad told me that things were going well, although untreated infections often took a long time to heal.

I didn't talk to Jasper again that day. He slept all evening and I decided to get an early night, leaving both his door and mine ajar in case he needed anything. I thought I would find it difficult to relax and sleep, but eventually exhaustion took me. I woke again in the early hours of the morning, disturbed by a slight sound.

"Don't..."

It was Jasper's voice, raspy and afraid. I sat up quickly and threw the bed covers back.

"Please, Dad..."

"Fuck," I muttered. He was apparently having a nightmare and I tiptoed out of my room and into his, hoping my parents wouldn't wake. "Jasper?"

"No!" he yelled suddenly. He was writhing on the bed, arms thrashing around and I rushed to him, trying to grab at him. One of his hands hit me in the stomach before I could catch it and I gasped in shock.

"Jas! Wake up!"

His eyes snapped open and he looked up at me, his chest heaving as he sobbed and panted for breath,

"Jasper, it's me, Edward. You're ok, it was just a dream." I released his wrists and he sat up and pressed himself into my arms, his body shaking.

"Sorry..." he choked.

"Sshh." Unthinking, I stroked my hand down his back and then snatched it away quickly at his cry of pain and the wet feel of the pajama shirt. I wasn't sure if it was sweat or something else and I reached out to switch on the small lamp beside the bed. Jasper drew away from me and I glanced at his back, noting the wet patch was concentrated over the larger dressing. The wound had leaked through and my stomach knotted with anxiety. "I'm gonna get my Dad."

"Oh, God, Edward, don't, he'll be mad if you wake him up," Jasper groaned. "I just need some more of those painkillers."

"He won't be mad. He'll be up soon to go to work anyway."

"Edward?" Dad appeared in the doorway, wearing his bathrobe and pajama pants. "I heard something."

"I'm sorry, Dr Cullen," Jasper mumbled.

"It's Carlisle. What's happened?"

"He had a nightmare," I said. "I think you need to check the dressings."

"I'll get a few things and be right back."

Dad returned in less than a minute, wearing surgical gloves and carrying an assortment of items including fresh dressings, scissors and other things. I watched in horror as he removed the old dressings to reveal that one of the wounds looked worse than it had in the hospital. Yellow fluid oozed from it, the surrounding flesh still red and swollen. I stayed silent with difficulty as Dad cleaned it up and applied a new dressing.

"Is it worse?" Jasper whispered.

"No, it's not worse." Dad looked from him to me and back again. "It might seem so, but the infection is leaving your body, Jasper. Wounds like this will often seep heavily, but it's a good sign. It could go on for a few days yet, before it begins to dry out, but don't worry about it, either of you. Do you need pain relief, Jasper?"

"Yes. Thank you."

I heaved a sigh of relief as I went to grab one of my tee shirts for Jasper to put on. Dad gave Jasper some pills from the packet on the nightstand and then left us, saying his alarm would be going off in thirty minutes so he would start getting ready for work. I didn't return to my own room. Instead I slid into bed beside Jasper and took his hand, lacing our fingers together. I doubted my parents would say anything on this occasion and even if they did, he needed me and I had no intention of going anywhere.

**A/N - "Wish Upon A Star" has been nominated for 'Most Promising Slash FanFiction' at energizewipawards dot blogspot dot com**

**Voting is from 13 - 20 November so I'd be delighted to receive your vote. Thank you :o)**


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